Once Upon a Time - Are your Stories slowly killing you?

How many stories have you heard of human beings overcoming horrific life threatening challenges that have them enriched and fulfilled at the end of the day? And how many stories have your told (including your own) that spread the word of despair, heart ache and misery?  We’ve all heard of stories where the victim turned the experience into something great and is now a crusader for that cause… Would they have been able to do so much good without the story to start with?  They say when the going gets tough, the tough get going but what does it really take to leave the past behind and live a new life of fulfilment?

With so many life stories of challenge, terror and sadness, how do you just pick up and move on?  I mean how can you do it?  We know we can’t change the past but living with it and immersed ‘in’ it doesn’t change it either….

The one thing I know as a Performance and Results Coach is that every person has a story to tell, it doesn’t matter how hard, horrible or tragic your story is compared to another, we all feel the same way about our stories in the end.

So doesn’t the experience of life, with its colourful stories become more normal than not? Because everyone has a story to tell, right? Do you know anyone who has no experiences to share, no story to tell?

Imagine for a moment, not having any stories to tell? How boring and meaningless would your life be?  I know there are stories you wish you never had to experience, some you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy, stories of abuse, loss, deceit, betrayal… but the fact is, they happened, they existed once upon a time and how you feel about those stories now, is the only thing you can change. So you can choose to continue to live with them (those woeful sad stories) or you can do what is necessary to change them, utilise them, forgive them, set yourself free and move forward being a better, stronger human being for it. Then you can live a full and enriched life with the lessons learnt. Anything less than that is a waste of a good story…

Easy for me to say you think?  Well maybe not, I too have stories that I have told but the difference is how I choose to now use them. You can use them to empower you and others or disempowered you and others.

Stories can take you down to the pits of despair or raise you up to where you can see the world is your oyster. Which do you choose?

You can clearly see what I have chosen by my actions and what I do for a living and it feels great standing on the shoulders of my perpetrators because the view is much grander and richer from here….

So my darling bud, what do you need to do to move out of the slump, away from your story?

The very first thing you need to do is accept your experiences and trust they have a grander purpose. It’s true that which does not kill us makes us stronger, so gets to being strong ASAP and accepts what it is you have experienced… No amount of wishing life was different will change the facts… The only things you can change are your perspective, and understand the grander purpose… Because there always grander purpose and lesson, especially for those who go looking for it.

How do you accept heinous crimes and hurtful moments?

Own it as part of who you are and most importantly, realise that everything happens for a reason and the reason is yours to learn. The key here is LEARN! Everything in life is a beautiful expression of what you can learn to enrich your life and most often, others around you. You can only change how you feel about your story and that is the only way you can set it free, then you can also accept it as part of your history.

A life of guilt, regret, anger and hurt only serve to take YOU down and as many people you can enrol into your story… because we all love to share bad news, right? Diseased negative emotions only hurt you in the long run. When you share and spread negative stories aren’t you attempting to get attention? Convincing someone else that your story is worse than theirs? Somehow justifying it or laying blame? Perhaps you are crying out for help?  If any of that sounds familiar, then it is time to do something about it.

The time to change and let go of the past, is now!

So here are the steps to letting go of your stories, the ones that do not serve to make your life better, grander and more fulfilled:

• Commit to doing something different than you’ve done before to let it go, realise there is a problem and be prepared for the next step…
• Accept that is in the past and there is nothing but your perspective that can change it, be real, it can’t hurt you anymore (but it will if you keep the story alive). What’s done is done, now let’s work together to change your feelings about the past
• Make a list of your feelings in regards to the events and write about each one - get it all out
• Allow the emotions to seep to the top, if you get emotional; allow yourself the chance to finally release it all… Up and out I say!
• Decide upon what you want to feel instead… you might want security, peace, independence, courage, power, strength, perseverance etc…
• Be brave for a few minutes and go down into the event this last time with the intentions of finding out what you are supposed to learn - there is always a reason that thing happened and until you understand the lesson, you will hang on to the emotion and let it control you. Learnings might sound like this: I know what it means to be courageous, I now know how to trust my intuition, I could never have been such a loving mother if that didn’t happen,I value myself first and foremost, they did the best they could and I know I am a survivor who is strong now…..
• Adopt the learnings as a belief you have with conviction. Repeat it and own it…
• Then plan what you want for your life instead now. How are you going to implement the learnings into your life? What are you going to do differently from now on, so much so, you can change the old behaviour? You might say I am never going to tell that story for the same reasons again, or you might do something that exercises your new found realisation of courage - something you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t, you might call your parents and make amends…. You decide and remember to make it about you, about your future and positive.
• Be prepared to forgive and then forget… That is true freedom

The ULTIMATE goal is to get to stage of GRATITUDE… Grateful your life is the way it is, filled with the experiences you have had, because you wouldn’t be who you are today otherwise..

The only thing in life that is real is today, so make it count. Stories are great and they serve a grand purpose, my caution is to use them wisely, only use the ones that empower you and leave the ones that bring you back down, behind… who needs them, right?

Now, if this sounds all too easy and you really don’t know how to move forward by yourself, then ask for help.  Do yourself a favour and decide to release your baggage today.  As an internationally experienced Performance and Lifestyle Coach, I can guarantee a fresh perspective on life and show you how you can easily move forward in your life - toward your dreams and aspirations. You deserve happiness, success and balance in life, filled with loving friends and family, right? So why wait a minute longer…

The longer we wait to let go of our ’stuff’ the more it costs you financially, emotionally, physically… and it spreads to all areas of your life.  There is no time like the present when it comes to your happiness and success… Call me today to discuss how I may help. This is what I do.

With much love and peace

Janelle Manton

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