Alcohol and Intimacy are not Friends!

I loved my husband so much, we were close, happy and had a great time in our ten years of marriage… In the early days our fun was very social, it revolved around spending time with friends in exotic locations, Hawaii, Monterey California to name a few. We had many nights enjoying house parties, dinner parties, Sunday’s by the pool, we had a great time, then…

But times changed, we grew up and our friends moved in different directions, some got married, moved overseas and I became a mother.  My desire to drink all the time quickly stopped with pregnancy, then months of sleepless nights then just plain old exhaustion and this underlying sense of responsibility.

As time rolled on and I became ‘normal’ again I realised that the desire to drink alcohol all the time had completely gone. What I found instead was in order to feel like I was bonding with my husband,  I needed to drink with him.  I eventually became resentful because I didn’t want to drink everyday in order to connect with him…

As time went by, complacency kicked in, amongst other challenges and the need to have some serious conversations became obvious. It was then that I got really shitty because it didn’t matter how much I told him he ‘changed’ when he drank, he didn’t believe me.  I got tired of his voice raising unreasonably, tired of the constant debate and unrealistic view points on our declining connection, tired of drinking every night instead of connecting with me, the woman he was supposed to love.

He never hit me, always went to work and achieved great results and cared and provided for our children, so how could he possibly have a problem with alcohol management?  The fact that it was a problem for me and our ability to be really connected didn’t seem to matter enough.  I  thought if he wasn’t going to put the time in to talk to me and discuss our future ‘like he cared’, I wasn’t going to feel like being intimate with him.

So our sex life was also impacted, he stayed up late watching TV, I went to bed early hoping he’d follow me… Now please don’t get me wrong, he is an honourable and great man, we simply opposed ideas of sobriety and intimacy!

A relationship can only sustain this kind of imbalance for so long… Something has got to give. In our case it was me - for many reasons most of which were my own, I left.  The challenge I now see in a lot of relationships as a coach, is how much alcohol is like wearing a disguise, it hides the real you with a mask of  happy, sad, uninhibited, grouchy, fearlessness… In any case the real emotions are avoided.

Daily alcohol consumption is a betrayal of self and is a false layer of protection that hides the real truth of your emotions… How can anyone have a real relationship when someone  is always partying, numbed by the subtly of one too many glasses of wine?

Beside the physical side effects of long term drinking; increased weight, heart disease risks, diabetes etc… The emotional side effects could very well cost you more. How about your family? Your job? Your self esteem and confidence are impacted? What about your creativity and your intuition?  Your judgement is impaired, your reality shifts and with regular drinking can actually stay wacked (that’s a professional term).

All of these life giving elements are numbed when you drink alcohol. So ask yourself, what do you have to lose, how good does it really make you feel? Are you being your authentic self? Are you making decisions that empower you or take your power away? And who wants drunk sex all the time anyway?

A true Goddess and Warrior deserves to feel everything - intimately…your body, emotions, your spirit at play, you mind racing with anticipation your skin tingling…

Some of my friends might argue that they still see me drink every now and then, so who am i to talk about not drinking… But the difference is I only drink every now and then, a special occasion you might say.  I hope that you may enjoy the infrequency of a glass every now and then and be the power house of clarity, love and intimacy in the meantime.  if you want to talk about how you can receive and give more intimacy freely with your partner, please contact me. I can help xxx

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

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