The Business of Integrity!

Let’s Get Rich Series

The English dictionary describes Integrity as; the quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles or professional standards you believe in, so that people respect and trust you; the state of being complete or undivided; the state of being sound or undamaged.

The implications of integrity far outweigh the meaning when applied. It seems to me a bit of a buzz word at the moment, lots of people throwing it around and claiming it without really understanding the meaning and how to live by the rules it dictates.  In this article I am going to discuss integrity in depth because there are quite a few misconceptions of integrity’s true value and ultimate benefit of living a life full of integrity.

Let’s explore the meaning and practical application of the word Integrity… The quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles or professional standards you believe in so people respect and trust you.. WOW that is pretty huge. I believe the first thing to acknowledge is that the words ‘moral principles’ and ‘professional standards’ are objective - meaning, it’s up to the individual to determine the bar on a standard.  We all know society has a level or standard which is neither right or wrong, we have own standard that is neither right nor wrong, so the ambiguity of the meaning is obvious and ultimately, up to the beholder.

In saying that, the question then is; what is your moral standard? What is professionally expected in your environment?  Whist we all have our individual thoughts on what those standards are, there is no denying the truth that having a moral standard that is respected by others should be something that is recognisable by the masses.

In the world I live, integrity means; truth (speaking and living it with positive intentions), honesty (speaking and living it from my heart), honour (being honourable toward myself and having a healthy respect for my reputation), keeping my word and being reliable, veracity (being accurate with my words of truth)… For me, integrity speaks of authenticity, being real and raw and holding a personal standard that is honourable and respectable. How this works for me in business is exceptional, I’ll explain that a little later…

How it works in my personal life is even more imperative - I have nothing but faithful relationships in my life because I want quality, (not quantity) and reciprocated truth in my friendships, anything less is disrespecting myself.

I’ve come across many people with ‘integrity’ in their hierarchy of values but what does it really mean to have integrity, what are the implications or benefits in the business world and how do you develop integrity?

So you truly understand what integrity is, here is what Integrity is Not;

• Telling a friend after 25 years of friendship you no longer want to be friends over a few lines in a private facebook message - a respectful person with integrity would make a phone call and have the courage to speak their truth
• Making a verbal business deal and not following through on your word
• Openly discrediting and being slanderous of your experiences at an event on a public forum without having the courage to speak to the persons involved that have the power to actually do something about the feedback
• Talking about people behind their back and not being respectful of an individual’s personal journey - making judgements you know nothing about
• Being underhanded in getting your way in a relationship, any kind of coercive behaviour that deceives another person in anyway - be it business or personal
• Lying about your business intentions for your personal gain

I could go on and on but I think you can all relate to at least one or many of those circumstances, either because you have been prey to it or done it yourself on occasion.  The point is, integrity is about being whole and complete, honourable and speaking your truth and being honest toward other people. A lack of integrity hurts others and makes them feel less valued. A lack of integrity is harmful.

Integrity is living from your heart space, in a state of perpetual authenticity. Anything less is fraudulent and deceitful.

The impact of a ‘lack of integrity’ in business can be catastrophic to your success and your personal reputation.  Imagine doing business with someone you do not trust or respect or who does not follow through. Imagine doing business with someone who openly speaks ill of their competitors? Imagine what they are saying about you?

Would you do business with them?

We are all human and sometimes bite off more than we can chew, there is no denying we don’t always fulfil on our promises, we are only human after all - the difference is though, how you own your misgivings, how you handle the situation and how well you recover by speaking up and admit you didn’t get it right and then do something to correct the situation. Here is an example;

• Recently at one a Top Secret Women’s event we had major challenges with catering and promised bubbles and canapés upon arrival to our event. Due to circumstances beyond our control (IE liquor licensing), we were not able to deliver, however, we compensated by having available homemade cupcakes and strawberries with chocolate… It was not bubbles but it was also not anything at all.

Here is how Integrity will create a Rich business and make your wildly wealthy;

• When people trust and respect you, they will buy from you - So, keep your word and speak the truth - in business, under promise and over deliver
• Never speak ill of your competitors, companions, colleagues or clients - 1) You never know who they know 2) You look like a discredited fool 3) You leave people wondering about your integrity - Golden Rule - If you have nothing nice to say, SAY NOTHING!
• Recognise the possibility in every situation - Even the biggest stuff ups can lead to new opportunities, even an opportunity to show you have integrity is a worthwhile one, live with your eyes wide open and see the world with positive eyes, you will be surprised at the good that comes your way, especially in business
• Conduct your business with an ‘open heart and emotion that is real and authentic’; when you genuinely want to make a difference, assist and help others, it’s obvious. People do business with those that really care about their needs
• Be as accurate as possible in your deliverables, when speaking of benefits, again, under promise and over deliver - you will always impress your clients and they will talk about you, viral/referral marketing is most powerful
• Build rapport, reveal your true self, do not hide behind false pretences, show up as you are, live from your heart (even in business because you are doing business with other normal people who appreciate realness) and dream big - you are only limited by your own imagination…
• True wealth is the richness you have in being an authentic human being - being rich in spirit is priceless, remember that when you are in the middle of your next pitch!

Integrity is a highly valued commodity this day in age, practice it daily, recognise the signs of being in lack with it and learn in every moment the difference you can make in every ones lives when you show up ‘full of integrity’.

I work in an environment that has Integrity in its highest values and in the corporate world, I’m not sure they really understand the full implications of the word… I wonder how different the corporate world would be if everyone actually lived the true value of integrity to the extent of its real meaning… Rather than dabble in what they think it means - I imagine a totally different, more empowering workplace, happier colleagues, more business and higher credibility….

How are you showing up?

Want coaching on integrity and implementing strategies into your life and business that change the way you show up?   Call Janelle for a FREE 15 minute Passion Power Session and discover 3 things you can do immediately to change your life. Email me with your phone number or Skype address; admin@topsecretwomensbusiness.com

Recognise Burnout – Before it’s too late!

In recent weeks, I’ve been blowing the horn at both ends (so to speak), working around the clock on a project for another company, doing the graveyard shift on Top Secret Women’s projects, events AND coaching clients.  Add to that a healthy dose of domestic duties, raising two children, now 11 and 13 and nurturing a new relationship - you’d safely agree, I have my hands full but not necessarily any more than anyone else.

At the beginning of the year I spent ten days in silence at Vipassana - a ten day silent Buddhist retreat.  Ten days of complete peace, grounded quiet, simplifying life in ways I’d only ever dreamt of through meditation… And all too quickly the hounds of overwhelm have kicked in and nearly taken over - had I not recognised the signs of reaching burnout. Thanks to Vipassana I have a significant comparison to draw on when recognising when life is getting a little too hectic and it’s taking its toll on me.

Perhaps you too might recognise the signs of burnout or overwhelm? Perhaps it’s not a coincidence you are reading this article today?

Here is what you need to know about the signs of overwhelm, burnout and stress, (according to my experience), keep a look out for them;

• A slight increase in your heart beat, it’s a little louder when you are doing tasks and there is a sense of urgency that won’t settle
• You go to bed going over and over in your head how much needs to be done, what you didn’t do and in which order you will get even more done tomorrow and sleep with an uneasy feeling in your stomach
• Your dreams become more erratic and irrational, they are loud and stranger, more vivid and you either sleep more heavily or toss and turn
• Your overall energy becomes strained, you feel tired and can’t get enough rest and lack lustre
• You feel a little cranky or short tempered and have little time for waiting, waiting for anything. Impatience takes over.
• You withdraw from your lover, your family, your friends and swim in the circus you have made around you - it consumes you
• Your enthusiasm and motivation takes a nose dive and you struggle staying passionate and inspired about what you are doing, it’s like you forgot what it was all for. You lose sight of the purpose and goal
• Your libido slowly melts away (shit, now you are in trouble, even less feel good endorphins) and your partner also feels the withdrawal. Now you have pressure from him or her. Unconsciously, they are following your lead in the withdrawal by reflecting your projections.
• Other things like short temper, crying, feeling overly emotional, the feeling of wilting, anxiety, not wanting to get out of bed and over-reacting, are all signs of a pending burn out

There are more things to look out for and the variety and order of which you may feel these things is unimportant.  The important thing to understand is how to read the signs, see them coming and do something about it before it takes over.

Nearly everyone has at sometime in their life experienced overwhelm or burn out and it’s time to recognise the signs and actively pursue solutions and remedies before it hits you with its full force and debilitates you.

In recent studies, it shows that 1 in 4 women will experience some kind of depression in her life. The 58% of mother’s sex life is non-existent,  47% of women wish they could lose weight, 50% of Australian mothers work, 1 in every 10 women have experienced some form of domestic violence and the average woman only has 30 minutes of leisure time in every 24 hours.

This is just not good enough!  These percentages are on the rise, so what are you going to do about it?

It’s time to become more aware of what is happening to your body and mind, become the observer in your own life so you can effectively regain control. Recognise the signs of ‘doing too much’ and give yourself the regeneration time you not only need, but deserve!

Combating overwhelm is easy when you understand when it’s taking over and recognising the signs is the hardest part. They say a problem well stated is a problem half solved, so be your own boss and tune into your body a little more so you can be self aware enough to save yourself from burnout.

I advise that I am not a Dr, but you know that, so take this information wisely and do not hesitate to see your doctor if you feel you need to.

Here are some Solutions for easing the overwhelming feeling of burnout and how to bring back balance;

• Find time for yourself regularly and I mean REGULARLY! You can easily avoid burnout by taking time out regularly to rejuvenate - start a weekly and daily ritual of spending some alone, quiet time - read, meditate, go for a walk, paint, dance, yoga, journal…
• Wear sexy knickers and clothes that make you feel fabulously sexy, powerful and dynamite. Do not underestimate the power of sexy stockings under your work dress, the sauciness of soft lace against your bottom, the feel of silk on your forearm and a fresh spray of your favourite fragrance… Dressing for YOU is most important. If you feel sloppy and wear track suit pants you are certainly not going to feel more powerful are you? So get up, make and effort and dress so you feel and look superb!
• Go on a date and re-invigorate your relationship, wear sexy clothes, do something special, send flowers with gorgeous love notes, spice it up and surrender to the one who loves you. They are not the enemy or the cause of your anxiety… They are however, a way for you to successfully escape the circus and enjoy some real loving. Remember orgasms increase your feel good endorphins and you will naturally feel better with a romp between the sheets with a well deserving lover.
• Enjoy some girl-friend time. Your partner is not a girl-friend and should not be expected to listen to you and converse with you in the same way. Spending time with friends takes you away from the tasks at hand and allows for rejuvenation of a different kind. Make sure the time spent is quality time, not a slagging match of how busy and miserable you are. Go to the movies and have a coffee after to discuss the movie, go for dinner, visit the local market and take a beach swim on the way home, enjoy a home shopping party with a glass of bubbles, pamper each other with facials or massage, play a game, dress up and go dancing…. There are a million things you can do with a girlfriend, you just have to make the call and do it regularly, don’t leave it till it’s too late! The chances are, she needs it too.
• Prioritise time and tasks. It’s critical that as a working mum or business woman that you have a list of priorities and YOU are number one. If you let yourself go on with such speed and neglect your own pampering, everything else will go to shit also. You know it, right? This is the ripple effect!

The most important thing to remember is to read the signs, understand your own body, before they kick in, have a game plan to take time out. You should be planning one of these activities each week to avoid burnout and have a very well planned schedule to allow for such time, it is essential. There are also a vast selection of practitioners, healers, educators that have so many options to give you that extra boost, make sure you utilise them - you do not have to take this journey on your own. We are here to help you.

One immediate option is a Passion Pop Experience with me… There is nothing like it to spark you back to your passionate self…

That is also why we have planned Ladies Pamper Expo - because we recognise the need for women to take time out. We understand the staggering statistics on mental health and well being and we want to make a difference and show you how fun looking after yourself can be.

We start from the inside, clearing what gets in the way and give you options for moving forward with confidence and pride.  We hope you can join us for what is going to be Australia’s Biggest Pamper Party!

Brisbane first, then Australia…. Are you in?

Tickets can be purchased from; http://topsecretwomensbusiness.com/events/ladies-pamper-expo-tm/

Yours Real and Raw,

Janelle Manton

CEO, Top Secret Women’s Business Pty. Ltd

All rights reserved © 2011

3 Ways to Ignite your Passion

In a recent article I mentioned the key things that cause your passion to wain - Complacency, Not Knowing and Fear.

Complacency is when you slow down your efforts and enthusiasm, stop going the extra mile and we get very ‘comfortable’ with life in such a way it eventually becomes boring and we lose interest.  You might even say complacency is giving up… Giving up hope, your dreams, giving up caring…

Not Knowing what you are passionate about is also a major problem because if you’ve never really thought about it, how will you know what to get excited about?  When you figure out what it is that is your driving force, what lifts and elevates your spirit and juices you up, you can live your life with purpose and passion.

Most people who are living their life’s purpose are also living a passionate life and experience happiness, daily!

They love what they do, it doesn’t feel like work and they bounce out of bed daily to jump into it. Not knowing what you are passionate about can leave you feeling flat, lost, stuck and on the treadmill of life…

Fear is completely immobilising but always present for everyone. The difference is when we let fear rule our life very little changes. Fear of what people think, fear of consequences, rejection, failure, fear of the unknown, fear of looking silly in front of your peers… Fear is a killer of passion and will stifle even the most driven people should it be allowed to take over. Kick fear in the butt and do it anyway is what passionate people do!

It’s important to know what kills passion so we can eliminate what stops you from living a full and passionate life.  As I’ve mentioned any times, passion is a driving force, it energises you and gets things done. Someone who is passionate is alluring and confident as they are fearless in going after their dreams. Passion makes you a better lover and able to surrender to the yearnings of your heart. Passion fills you with hope and purpose, excitement and delirious fun filled energy…

So the golden question is -

How do you ignite you passion and get more of what you want in life?

How does passion really help?

Let’s explore the top 3 things you can do o ignite your passions so you can get more done and start producing the results in life you really want!!!!

No 1. Know what you want and understand what it is that fulfils you and what juices you up. When you can spend some time working out exactly what it is you want from life, work, your relationships and YOURSELF you can clearly get passionate about it. A life of purpose is a lifetime of doing what you love, there is no such thing as work when you love what you are doing and ‘who’ you are doing.  So spend some time brainstorming and start narrowing your focus to what you really want.

A great exercise to do at home is to write a simple list of all the things you   want to do, be and have and concentrate your efforts on the few things that         really get you excited.

No 2. Take a spoon full of Courage and do it anyway, regardless of how fearful you feel!  The most important thing is to eliminate fear, simple kick it in the butt and do what you love anyway. So long as you have the greater good in mind and your choices do not negatively impact others (including yourself), then you are on the right track.

A lion’s share of Courage can do wonders for your confidence, your results and the experience you enjoy.  If you find fear prevents you from giving life your best shot then consider it part of the process - Feel the Fear and do it anyway. You’ll find that the fear was unwarranted and not real anyway.

If you have a debilitating fear and need help overcoming it, then ask for help, be willing to live outside the box and take control. You can call me; part of my Passion Pop Experiences is eliminating fear processes so you can get the full ‘pop’ and get on with it - full of passion.

No 3. Take engaged, creative Action. I hate the word action as it seems to minimise what it really takes to do the stuff that truly counts and makes a difference.  Engaged, creative action means to be fully attentive and meaningful in everything you do, think about what you can do differently to make life exciting and full of passion?.

Be mindful of the consequences and what you are creating. DO with purpose and intention. Engaged action is what it takes to maintain passion. If you are just doing the actions it takes to get something done without being mindful, then it’s very easy for those actions to turn into complacency - feeling stuck and on the treadmill of life. So use your imagination and be engaged in the process and take creative engaged actions toward what you want.

An example of this is in your personal relationships you might discover what actions really turn on your partner, so it becomes the thing to do. While it     action started out exciting your lack of creativity and variety causes that action to now be ordinary. Complacency and lack of imagination make your sex life   boring and a lack of interest results = less love making ad boredom… I know that example is a little extreme but you get the picture. Be adventurous and use your imagination!

By eliminating fear, knowing what you want to get passionate about and taking the appropriate actions toward what you want you can easily live with passion and get excited about what you are doing and who you are spending your time with.

Getting passionate about your life can eliminate all kinds of ‘ills’ including depression, loneliness, confusion, desperation, boredom and frustration (to name a few). Think about it for a moment… If you are passionate about what you are doing in your life, career, relationships, with your health, you self, then how does something like depression live in such an environment? How can desperation and boredom exist? If you are passionate and getting out and about ‘doing’ then being lonely is a thing of the past, you’d be meeting people and engaging in life. You’d be genuinely interested in what you are doing and who you are meeting.

When the statistics for men and women suffering from ‘depression’ are so high, there has to be an easy solution to eliminating this modern dis-ease and feeling happy about life once again, right?

I don’t promise a cure because ultimately it’s up to you to decide to change, what I can promise is clarity, solutions and results. Invest in a Passion Pop Experience with me and discover a whole new life full of passion and purpose.

A Passion Pop Experience is great for anyone at a cross-road in life and wants clarity in which direction to take. If you are feeling frustrated in your career, your relationships, have never really ‘allowed’ yourself the freedom of feeling the full expression of your passionate self, then this 1.5 hour session could be just what you need to set yourself free, once and for all!

Book in with me directly by emailing janelle@topsecretwomensbusiness.com your session includes 1.5 hours of experiential passion popping processes to ignite your life and set you on the right path… toward your bright and fulfilling future!

Love your life, because you are worth it!!!

Yours Real & Raw,

Janelle Manton

Director

TSWB All rights Reserved 2011 ©

Top 3 Passion Killers

There are times in life when not a lot in life seems overly exciting. The couch seems like the better option than standing up to exercise, eating takeaway is easier than making food that is healthy and nutritious.

Your relationship hit a critical mass ‘breakdown’ - neither party is willing to spice things up or talk about real issues, sex is a chore (what the?), housework is even worse and putting any imagination into your life ‘together’ seems futile.

The kids are bored and fighting, work is a burden of dreary ‘good for nothing’ means to an end unmentionables and even your social life fails to excite you… Kill me slowly….

What is going on? Where have the days of loving your life gone?  You used to love your work, now it’s a mundane time consuming pay check.  Your partner used to excite the fuck out of you, literally, now the sight of them makes you want to run for the hills or roll over (even if it’s a temporary ailment, it still occasionally happens) and the thought of excercising and loving your body, increasing your energy and being pumped by life is only something those crazed personal trainers enjoy…

Adventure is out of the question, I mean what is this adventure you speak of anyway? Adventure is for kids, NOT!!!!!!

I could go on here but you get the picture….

The worst part is, even if this ugly picture does not apply to you, there is a little bit of it in all of us, at different times in our life, times when our passion and vavavoom for life has simply melted away…  It’s the stuck state you hate, the treadmill that you want OFF! Well it doesn’t have to last forever…

So what happens, does passion just get up and walk out on us in our time of need?

What stops us from maintaining our passion and lust for the things that are most important to us?

The top 3 Passion killers are:

No1. Killer of passion is COMPLACENCY… When you take your eye off the prize, your eye off the target and stop putting in any effort, complacency kicks in. We get a little too comfortable, a little lazy perhaps, can’t be bothered and seise all passion increasing activities.  When you stop making an effort life starts to resemble a treadmill of monoteny, it’s the same, day in day out and your arch enemy COMPLACENCY thrives in such environments.

No2. Killer of passion is ‘NOT KNOWING’ what you are passionate about. If you have nothing to be passionate about - like a career you love, a partner you adore, a body that excites you, friends who inspire you, hobbies that motivate you, then it may be time to make some decisions and gain some clarity about what you would like to be passionate about instead of maintaining the current status quo. You’ve settled for ‘what is’ instead of deciding what you really want and then going after it. Not knowing can also indicate an unwillingness to explore what is possible. To this I would say, isn’t it time do dare to do something that actually excites you?

No3. Killer of passion is FEAR, fear of getting outside the box and daring to do it, ‘life’ that is. Quite often you are ruled by fear and it’s debilitating claws that you dare not do anything different for fear of the consequences. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being abandon, judged, fear of being broke, fear of what people think…. Sound familiar? Fear has a strong hold over us for many reasons and the fear mongering world we live in only serves to generate more fear…

There are many different reasons why passion can melt - health problems, significant trauma, events of the past that are unresolved, social stigma to name a few more, perhaps you never had it to start with?

In any case, all of these can be healed, repaired, ignited and put back on track with the right help. You can break free of the chains that bind you, you can crack complacency and overcome your fears, you can ignite and discover your passions, I’ll show you how, all you have to do is decide it’s something you need right now.

Passion is for everyone to enjoy, it’s only fair that you enjoy every aspect of your life and live like each day is your last. It’s makes common sense to let go of a past that doesn’t even exist anymore and get on with living a full and over flowing life, but are you?

It makes total sense to do what you love and love who you ‘do’ with absolute crazy passion… Passion makes you feel powerful and if you feel it, guess what, you are powerful.  Passion makes you feel energised, enlivened and enthusiastic. Are you getting enough?

Anything less than you living your life passionately, isn’t you being your full and vibrant, loving and amazing self, isn’t it?  Why would you compromise who you really are?

What can you do today that puts a little more passion back into your life?

What do you need to ‘move away from’ in order to get what you want?

What lengths are you willing to go, to discover what your passions really are?

How would your relationship improve if you popped a little more passion into it?

Ready to breakthrough some boundaries and totally pop with Passion? I can help, all you need to do is say, BOOK ME IN!

Join me (over skype) for a ‘Passion Pop Experience’, it’s a specific way of experiencing a pop into being more passionate in all areas of your life. I will take you on an experiential journey into new territory, so you can feel free to LOVE YOUR LIFE with PASSION!

You will pop through the glass ceiling that currently stops you from feeling the love (in any area of your life). Come Pop with me. Sessions are 1.5 hours and $295AUD Email me you interest and I will schedule your appointment.

Sometimes changing your life is a simple as a POP in your imagination….

Yours Real & Raw,

Janelle Manton

TSWB (C) All Rights Reserved 2011

Are you a Real & Raw Goddess?

When I think about being Real and Raw, I think of a woman walking down the road - we’ve all seen her… Perhaps she not really even that traditionally ‘pretty’ or incredibly well dressed or that fit and toned but oh my Goddess, I’ll never forget the look in her eyes… The look that says, “I know who I am and I’m not afraid to show it!”  Her eyes have it hidden for only those really looking to see…

The Real and Raw woman is as authentic with her words as she is her heart. She is gorgeous beyond belief but ONLY because she believes in her own inner beauty, strength and confidence. She is true to her word, reliable and respectful and maintains high values for herself and those around her… She is as solid as she is soft.

The Goddess who is Real and Raw is open and fearless about her vulnerabilities, easy to surrender but not easy; she understands the art of intimacy and has an insatiable thirst for depth, connection and real relationships… She is as open minded as she is worthy of knowledge.

The Real and Raw she wolf is a self validated woman who is an example of truth and honesty and her communication skills are second to none, especially when it comes to her heart’s desire, her needs and wants.  She is hungry for more out of life, stands tall and happily on the shoulders of those who went before her… Her head held high, her grace and poise oozing from her… She is as sexy as she is successful.

The Goddess who is Real and Raw has depth of character and is completely at home with who she is, who she wants to be more of and where she is at in life… She is grateful for the past; lives right here, right now and looks to the future with clarity, ambition and a sense of abundance… She is as rich in her heart as she is rich in spirit.

This woman is grounded, energetically - an enigma, spirited and spiritual, she is a woman of faith, even if it’s faith in herself, she knows this is enough to back her in life. The Goddess is intuitive and sees herself in others.  She is a work of art, a work in progress and will never profess to know it all. She is as perfect as she is imperfect and that is perfect…

This lady will stand tall and proud and move swiftly forward as she continues to nurture the needs of many, a natural born contributor, a giver and a teacher.

This Real and Raw woman comes in many shapes and sizes, many different ages, colours and tones from many different cultures. She is in all of us, and always has been… The Real and Raw Goddess in you will reveal herself, as soon as you give her permission to be unleashed, as soon as you allow your wild woman out to play…. Then you may glimpse the rhythmic dancing of your own Real and Raw Goddess in motion…

Is this you? If not, then when? I can’t wait for you to come and play with us.

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

Sex Sells

We all know how prolific sex is in the media, it’s everywhere you look there is either a half naked  skinny, big breasted woman with too perfect hair selling something…  cars, soft drinks, music, clothes, cosmetics, accessories - And that is just the start of it.  Even music clips need to be censored these days - anything from the teen sensation The Veronicas getting it on together in their clips to Beyonce wiggling her very gorgeous ass around is selling sex. I don’t need to remind you of how much of a uproar Cher caused when she decided to ‘Turn back time’ in her unforgettable ‘duct tape’ outfit whilst riding a cannon…. Argh! But we all still watched in amazement of some kind, right?

Advertisers know they are selling to both men and women when it comes to the sexy images they portray and they also know it works but are we as consumers really that gullible?  Or is there something far more important going on that we have yet to GET before this kind of advertising stops insulting our intelligence and sexualising our children?

The fact of the matter is that Sex Sells, it always has and most likely, always will!

What I find most interesting is what our perception of sexy really is.  For the majority of men it’s not big breasted, blond bombshells wearing short skirts (like most women also think).  Most people like to look at that kind of sexy (perhaps out of intrigue) but do not take it seriously. Why? Because we want more, men want more from women and women want more from themselves (and their men).  Succumbing to ‘cheap sexy’ (the kind that reveals too much skin) does not value the person for whom they really are inside, in fact, it sells them short by a long shot and insults their intelligence.

When surveyed by Top Secret Women’s Business, the majority of men said that confidence and curves are what they found most sexy about a woman… It was how they carried themself and really felt about themself on the inside that they found most appealing about a woman.  So why are we still accepting the media’s version of sexy when what we know to be REALLY AUTHENTICALLY SEXY comes from within? Time to ditch the discriminating sexist magazine advertising and glossies and make room for what really counts - How you really see and feel about yourself, because only then will advertiser ease up on perceiving sexy any other way.

This article is about how to really sell sex, the kind that keeps your ass covered and your breasts put away so you to get anything you want - with your integrity intact and your personal power restored.  You might even become a more media savvy person as a result - by not buying into the cheap thrill of boobs and bouncing hair. You will realise that sexy is not anything that is external but quite the opposite, sexy is a state of mind, a belief, a feeling, an undeniable strength, energy that you can cultivate at anytime, once you know how…

It means that anyone can be sexy at any size, shape, height, hair colour because sexy comes from within - at any time of the day. Sexy is a state of mind and quickly translates to innate confidence and self worth when you take the promise of sex out of it.

So how do you sell your own brand of sexy and become Mistress of your own Universe, get more of what you deserve and everything you expect?

It’s easy; you do it by cultivating your very own ‘Grrr…Factor’. Grrr factor is not too different from ‘X Factor’ but it’s more about what is on the inside. Grrr is spunk, confidence, self worth, an innate sense of knowing you are on top of your game, the solid sense of being totally in love with yourself and that little sparkle in your eye - the kind that lets people know you are deeply sexy - from the inside out.  It’s in your walk, your grace and poise, how you hold your head and the deep alluring look in your eyes…

A deep inner sense of sexy is revealed externally as confidence, if you know you are sexy, confidence comes easy and so will that job of your dreams, the career path you desire, the relationship you dream about and all the things in between that really matter. So let’s look at ways you can feel more sexy and powerful.

So here are 7 secrets to begin to cultivate your Grrr Factor;

• Get rid of your magazines - especially the ones that do not serve YOU, stop buying them (put the money in an interesting bearing fund like ING instead), not only will you increase your wealth but you will be less influenced by others perception of beauty and perfection and start to develop your own sense of style and character less the external influences
• Turn your TV off (or sell your TV), minimise your News viewing (because it’s all doom and gloom and can dampen anyone’s mood)
• Now you’ve minimised the media bombardment, you can start getting more in touch with YOU and just being you, get Real and Raw. Every woman knows there is more to them than meets the eye, be prepared to be more open and more revealing of the inner you - by simply deciding that is what you want. Hang out with like minded women who support you
• Ask yourself up to 50 times a day, “Am I being a real woman right now?” Display elegance, poise, grace, softness and posture when possible - when you shift your physiology, you can shift your mindset too - so no more slouching, hold your head up high honey and be proud, practice in your mirror at home
• Pimp up your wardrobe with some colour, frills, florals, dresses and accessories - anything feminine that spells class and style (ok you may want to omit the floral suggestion). Dare to dress yourself up so you feel great every day, remember you don’t have to let your breasts out to play to feel sexy - True sexiness comes from within
• Move more - exercise releases feel good endorphins into your body and are great for stress relief and making you feel on top of it… So start moving more, take the stairs, go for walks, Do some in home classes (Zumba is fantastic), bike ride, gym, yoga…Anything that gets you moving…
• Be creative and expressive - Your femininity needs a creative outlet. In order to really nestle into your sexy mindset, discover a way you can express yourself and your emotions… Write, paint, do pottery, dance, sing, meditate. Whatever you do, make it an expression of your femininity so you can cultivate even more Grrr.

So here is the juice of it ladies… You don’t have to be the prettiest, smallest, youngest or best dressed to get what you want… All you need to do is believe in yourself… That kind of sexy can sell you into the career of your dreams, the relationship you’ve always wanted, or the team you’ve always wanted to join, anything in fact. Why? Because your Grrr Factor is about you and your innate confidence, your control and internal power and no one can take that from you and that my friends is dead sexy.

So does sex sell? Yes it does and it doesn’t seem to be changing anytime soon (even in spite of the relentless efforts of the many anti sexist and anti discrimination campaigns running), so best you get  the band wagon - In a Top Secret kind of way… By discovering how you can cultivate you own brand of sexy that has you shining and feeling confident from the inside out. It’s only then when we change our overall perception of what sexy really is that anything in the media will change because only then will we stop buying into their perceptions of cheap sexy.

Are women disadvantaged if they don’t look like a glossy magazine cover? No way, sexy comes from within - it’s something you have inside you, every woman is sexy… Just ask me how you can identify your own sexy style that is what I do.

Is there an easy way I can feel deeply sexy and more confident? Yes indeed, especially through Top Secret Women’s Business… We have a Goddess Academy Retreat coming up in July and you can be one of the few women who are selected to attend - You will transform your life, I promise… Ask me how and save over $500 on your weekend tuition.

Also, check out my signature Audio program Cultivating the GRRR… Factor (only $35) - it could be the ticket you need to get started or rejuvenate your own sexy brand.  And take a look at the dates for The Goddess Academy - every woman should attend this weekend away, you need it…

I am here to help and Top Secret Women’s Business fully supports every woman’s personal journey toward being the Goddess you were born to be.

Yours Real and Raw

Diaries of a Single Working Mother - Part 2

Part 2

The diary continues after the Pearls of Wisdom (from part one) have kicked in….. I was kindly reminded by many sources that life needs to change in some way (or was it me that needed to change?) In any case, I’d decided to ask the universe for assistance….

Have you ever asked for help and wondered who may respond?  Sometimes the response is in the way of a subtle sign, picture or shared, timely word by a good friend and sometimes it’s a grandiose push from the far reaches of the universe…. In any case, it’s much appreciated when the signs come in and on this day, I welcomed them.

It was getting close to Christmas and our school holidays had started.  Being a relatively new job, I knew taking holidays was out of the question, so called upon many favours from considerate friends and managed the first week with little difficulty although the feeling of guilt was heavy on my heart. I’ve never not spent this holiday time without my kids and nor have they… On top of all of that, Christmas was fast approaching, I needed to get organised, I’d yet to finalise gifts, decorations and where was I going to find the time? Parents were making enquiries about visits, kids were asking about going on holidays and all I could think about was making it through alive, intact and strong and stable.

With growing tensions at work and my growing discontent, more difficulty getting there on time and the merry-go-round of trying to transition from working mum to holiday mum each afternoon, I was exhausted…..  and then that dreaded, ever increasing feeling that I was not being true to my purpose, my passion and what I really wanted reared it’s ugly head nearly every moment of every day.

What has not being fully confident about your abilities cost you? Are you holding back, waiting for a miracle too?

This is what I’ve discovered… some more gentle reminders of what you may already know;

1. If you have big goals, be prepared to do the work to achieve them - it might not be easy, be realistic so as to not be disappointed when you put in extra time and have no time for anything else.  What do you want more?  Do you want more of the same old stuff or something different, bigger, bolder?
2. You really have to decide and be clear - you probably have all the resources you need to make it work, acknowledge those resources with some time in a written list and then go after them
3. Ask for help and teach others around you how to take responsibility - Delegate. It’s a good time to learn how to delegate to others. Remember you give others a gift when you ask them for help, people love to be thought of and we love to make a difference, so by asking you are doing exactly that.
4. When you teeter totter on the fence, everything else in your life will also teeter - ARGH!
5. Kids spell LOVE - T.I. M. E. - make your home time your home time. Your children, pets or lovers need you to be present, so make your home your hearth and spend quality time with the people you love.
6. Your boss also needs you to be present - he/she expects the best of you,  so give it and smile and consider how you can exceed expectations or find another job. It’s essential you love your job as not doing so can cause many stresses and upset - loving your job is a good lesson for your children to learn and is also much more fun.
7. Putting yourself first is critical when you spend so much time giving to others. Quite often your job as a mother goes without reward and by the end of the day you are spent, exhausted and deflated.  Be nurturing and selfish - you have to fill your own well first otherwise all else can easily fall apart.  Remember the power of a great Girls Night Out (if you live in Brisbane be sure to check out Top Secret Women’s CLUB), some time with friends or a luscious long bath at the end of the day is valuing the one who is doing all the work - you!
8. Be clear on your passions and dreams… Are you selling out, taking the safe path or in the middle of ‘risk’ and loving it?  If you are not following your dreams - they will persist, so do something about it.
9. If what you have done in the past has not worked, reinvent it and try again and again until it does work… if it’s your purpose and you love it, it will work - but remember you may have to work hard for it.
10. Time management is key.  Compartmentalise your life and be clear about how much time you want to spend in each area doing each necessary task.  When you are sooo busy it’s important to take stock of what is important and spend your time there.

So to conclude this part of our working mums diary I want to leave you with one important message…. Plan, organise, believe in you and trust the universe, it always delivers exactly what you need…..

And if you really need to get away, recalibrate your energy, meet some fantastic women, embrace a newer, more powerful version of yourself, then come along to THE SEALED SECTION RETREAT…. check it out under EVENTS

The Concluding part gives you more practical tips to care for yourself, achieve great success and manage your home and family with some steam left for you….

Diaries of a Single Working Mother - Part 1

This is a three part series that shares an insight into being a working single mother, the cycle of emotions and attitudes and how to gain Work Life Balance.  We discuss how to enjoy your children more, how to live the life you were born to, how to overcome a negative attitude toward your job and be a more productive YOU. Enjoy helpful work, life balance tips and start living again!

These dairy entries are for every woman, single or not because at the end of the day, the same challenges face us all… Too much to do, in too short a time with too much going out in to the world and not enough coming back in.

Last year I started working full time (just for a while) - As an employee, after 6 and a half years of self employment and full availability for my children, I feel I should share what I discovered.  I have written many articles about Work/Life Balance and working full time took me to new heights of learning how to juggle kids, Top Secret Women’s Business, house and social life - and most importantly my energy and personal attitiude.  Like never before, I had to take my own advise….!

You may be familiar with this scenario -  6am wake, 8.30am start at work and a 5.30pm finish, getting kids ready for school, dressing myself, lunch boxes, Load of laundry on, sweep the floor, get kids to school early (or at least on time), rush to work - too much traffic this morning… Going from being available to no spare time at all,  a house who’s tidiness is failing me and a car that needs a service and a clean,  mail to open and dinner to cook and let’s not even mention laundry, lunch boxes and dust… So on and so forth!

How does a woman ‘really’ have a balanced, successful, happy life and still find time to exercise and prepare healthy fresh meals, entertain the idea of a relationship and water the plants? In this part one I briefly touch into the emotions and mindset of a working mum and give some ‘Pearls’ to get yourself off the merry-go-round of exhaustion, discontent and dissonance.

So the Diary begins -

Today is about what I feel and what I need to be reminded of….

Today I feel the biggest challenge which really pulls at my heart strings is my decreased availability for my children. They once had me at their beck and call and now there is barely enough time to read a bedtime story - or so it seems…. I missed my daughter’s last game of softball, her music concert invite got lost in a pile of paperwork and my son is only 9 and needs his mummy hugs still, he is fighting with his sister more and more, I suspect it’s to get my attention….  My expectations of my children have increased exponentially to ‘help out’ and make this easier for me and I’ve suddenly forgotten they are still kids who need my time….. I feel guilty!

Work is demanding and I feel unappreciated. I wonder if they know how much I really don’t want to be here andhow much I am sacrificing? I’m not really doing what I want but for now it’s a means to an end… When is it going to end?

I’m so tired, who’s going to save me? I want relief, my mind is consuming me and I don’t like where it’s going… I feel like I am selling out on something I want far greater… !

Have you ever felt like that? Want to SNAP out of it?

Pearls of Wisdom that assist in creating change - spend time contemplating the ones taht really resonate for you… it’s time to change!

• Whatever happens is meant to be - with reason - Go and find the reason!
• What never changes, never changes
• You are in control, are you?
• If the pattern repeats, there is still something more to learn, so keep your eyes openand learn quickly
• The universe never gives you situations you can’t handle
• Search for the positive meaning in things that ‘happen’- there is always a fresh perspective to ‘get’
• Have faith in yourself and what is…
• Never give up on your dreams and purpose in life
• The Universe likes to test your resolve and conviction when you’ve decided to do something, so be prepared to fight for what you want
• Stay focussed and keep the prize at the end so big and beautiful you never stop wanting it
• You get what you get, if you don’t value what you have, so start valuing what you have now!
• If you don’t know what you really want, how are you ever going to get it?
• The clearer you are, the more the universe knows how to deliver it to you
• Your security is only what you decide it is - Real security comes from what you provide for YOURSELF
• When you put your future in another’s hands, who knows where you’ll end up?
• Take full control so you can be in the drivers seat
• The only time that really ever exists is NOW, take the time to spend time with the most important people in the world - when ever you can
• Time is precious, do what you really want with it instead of what others want for you
• What you think you create into REALITY, so be sure to calibrate your mindset into a healthy, positive and productive one
• Organisation and time management is key, imperative, essential, critical

A simple little reminder that “you are the only one who is responsible for everything you experience,”  is enough to shake you back into a very clear reality - nothing quite like taking control of your life, hey?

So off to work I go - Hy Ho, Hy Ho, Hy Ho…

The big question is… How do you stay feeling great, energised, happy, validated, committed, patient, peaceful, calm and organised when so much of your life relies on you being on task?

In Part 2, I share TEN TIPS to change, grow and get organised - So you can enjoy a balanced,  productive and happy life in 2010.

Once Upon a Time - Are your Stories slowly killing you?

How many stories have you heard of human beings overcoming horrific life threatening challenges that have them enriched and fulfilled at the end of the day? And how many stories have your told (including your own) that spread the word of despair, heart ache and misery?  We’ve all heard of stories where the victim turned the experience into something great and is now a crusader for that cause… Would they have been able to do so much good without the story to start with?  They say when the going gets tough, the tough get going but what does it really take to leave the past behind and live a new life of fulfilment?

With so many life stories of challenge, terror and sadness, how do you just pick up and move on?  I mean how can you do it?  We know we can’t change the past but living with it and immersed ‘in’ it doesn’t change it either….

The one thing I know as a Performance and Results Coach is that every person has a story to tell, it doesn’t matter how hard, horrible or tragic your story is compared to another, we all feel the same way about our stories in the end.

So doesn’t the experience of life, with its colourful stories become more normal than not? Because everyone has a story to tell, right? Do you know anyone who has no experiences to share, no story to tell?

Imagine for a moment, not having any stories to tell? How boring and meaningless would your life be?  I know there are stories you wish you never had to experience, some you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy, stories of abuse, loss, deceit, betrayal… but the fact is, they happened, they existed once upon a time and how you feel about those stories now, is the only thing you can change. So you can choose to continue to live with them (those woeful sad stories) or you can do what is necessary to change them, utilise them, forgive them, set yourself free and move forward being a better, stronger human being for it. Then you can live a full and enriched life with the lessons learnt. Anything less than that is a waste of a good story…

Easy for me to say you think?  Well maybe not, I too have stories that I have told but the difference is how I choose to now use them. You can use them to empower you and others or disempowered you and others.

Stories can take you down to the pits of despair or raise you up to where you can see the world is your oyster. Which do you choose?

You can clearly see what I have chosen by my actions and what I do for a living and it feels great standing on the shoulders of my perpetrators because the view is much grander and richer from here….

So my darling bud, what do you need to do to move out of the slump, away from your story?

The very first thing you need to do is accept your experiences and trust they have a grander purpose. It’s true that which does not kill us makes us stronger, so gets to being strong ASAP and accepts what it is you have experienced… No amount of wishing life was different will change the facts… The only things you can change are your perspective, and understand the grander purpose… Because there always grander purpose and lesson, especially for those who go looking for it.

How do you accept heinous crimes and hurtful moments?

Own it as part of who you are and most importantly, realise that everything happens for a reason and the reason is yours to learn. The key here is LEARN! Everything in life is a beautiful expression of what you can learn to enrich your life and most often, others around you. You can only change how you feel about your story and that is the only way you can set it free, then you can also accept it as part of your history.

A life of guilt, regret, anger and hurt only serve to take YOU down and as many people you can enrol into your story… because we all love to share bad news, right? Diseased negative emotions only hurt you in the long run. When you share and spread negative stories aren’t you attempting to get attention? Convincing someone else that your story is worse than theirs? Somehow justifying it or laying blame? Perhaps you are crying out for help?  If any of that sounds familiar, then it is time to do something about it.

The time to change and let go of the past, is now!

So here are the steps to letting go of your stories, the ones that do not serve to make your life better, grander and more fulfilled:

• Commit to doing something different than you’ve done before to let it go, realise there is a problem and be prepared for the next step…
• Accept that is in the past and there is nothing but your perspective that can change it, be real, it can’t hurt you anymore (but it will if you keep the story alive). What’s done is done, now let’s work together to change your feelings about the past
• Make a list of your feelings in regards to the events and write about each one - get it all out
• Allow the emotions to seep to the top, if you get emotional; allow yourself the chance to finally release it all… Up and out I say!
• Decide upon what you want to feel instead… you might want security, peace, independence, courage, power, strength, perseverance etc…
• Be brave for a few minutes and go down into the event this last time with the intentions of finding out what you are supposed to learn - there is always a reason that thing happened and until you understand the lesson, you will hang on to the emotion and let it control you. Learnings might sound like this: I know what it means to be courageous, I now know how to trust my intuition, I could never have been such a loving mother if that didn’t happen,I value myself first and foremost, they did the best they could and I know I am a survivor who is strong now…..
• Adopt the learnings as a belief you have with conviction. Repeat it and own it…
• Then plan what you want for your life instead now. How are you going to implement the learnings into your life? What are you going to do differently from now on, so much so, you can change the old behaviour? You might say I am never going to tell that story for the same reasons again, or you might do something that exercises your new found realisation of courage - something you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t, you might call your parents and make amends…. You decide and remember to make it about you, about your future and positive.
• Be prepared to forgive and then forget… That is true freedom

The ULTIMATE goal is to get to stage of GRATITUDE… Grateful your life is the way it is, filled with the experiences you have had, because you wouldn’t be who you are today otherwise..

The only thing in life that is real is today, so make it count. Stories are great and they serve a grand purpose, my caution is to use them wisely, only use the ones that empower you and leave the ones that bring you back down, behind… who needs them, right?

Now, if this sounds all too easy and you really don’t know how to move forward by yourself, then ask for help.  Do yourself a favour and decide to release your baggage today.  As an internationally experienced Performance and Lifestyle Coach, I can guarantee a fresh perspective on life and show you how you can easily move forward in your life - toward your dreams and aspirations. You deserve happiness, success and balance in life, filled with loving friends and family, right? So why wait a minute longer…

The longer we wait to let go of our ’stuff’ the more it costs you financially, emotionally, physically… and it spreads to all areas of your life.  There is no time like the present when it comes to your happiness and success… Call me today to discuss how I may help. This is what I do.

With much love and peace

Janelle Manton

Looking in the Mirror of Success?

How many times have you been in a situation that calls for you to look in the mirror, only to find the mirror is broken? You refuse to look at yourself for the answers but blame the world around you for what could have been stopped the moment you looked within. The blame game is no game at all…

What do I actually mean?  Well let’s suppose you are blamed for something that you feel you didn’t do and no matter how hard you try to defend your position you still get blamed. What then? How are these situations affecting your rate of Success? Your happiness? Your self esteem?

There are many times in life when things ‘happens’ to us and it’s a great time to really look in that proverbial mirror to see how what is happening, is a reflection of you or at least a part of you.  You see, nothing really happens to us, we create it, all of it.  So when the chips are down, look in the mirror and see what part of you is really at play. Every situation calls for you to reflect on the inside and own your part in the game that is going on around you. 

If you can imagine for a moment that you are the centre of the universe (and in some strange way you actually are), then doesn’t every situation call for your input? There is blame all around us, every day and so, the big question is: Are you the one pointing the finger or the person at the receiving end?  In any case both parties still need to look at themselves for the answers because there is always something to learn from every experience.

Whether this be the case in business or in your personal life, the only way to take full control of your life is by taking full responsibility for what ‘happens’ in it.  This was the case for me at a recent gathering with my family.  I was blamed for something I feel I had no part in but the truth be known, when I look closely at the other parties accusation, there was something in that for me ‘to get’ and I got it alright!  Now even though the accusation was incorrect, I could still look into the situation and gain some learning or knowledge that gave me insight into me.

It is said that perception is projection. So how you perceive something is how you are also projecting it to be.  That also means if you are projecting something out into the world, say like an opinion it is also only how you perceive it and not necessarily how anyone else may view it.  Is it yet another chance to look within?  There, inside of yourself, is where you find all the answers to life…..

So the good news is there is always something to learn, lessons come in a variety of shapes and colours and one of your greatest strengths is your ability to diffuse a situation by owning your part in it.

When it comes to being successful in what ever you choose to do, take a good look at how your beliefs and values are playing their part in holding you back. It could be time for an overhaul to get you doing more of what you really want in life…

So how do you do that? Even when you feel you did nothing wrong?

That’s the easy part.  Ask yourself the question, How is what is going on a reflection of how I really feel?  Identify with the part that you find most upsetting and see how that reflects your current situation or circumstance. If you feel uncomfortable or are in denial at all, here is where it will show up.  Become aware of how you feel and then act upon it.  Sometimes a quick phone call to the people involved can resolve and dissolve an issue before it gets out of hand.  There is quite often a misunderstanding or someone’s real feelings at the end of the blame game, so be open to ‘getting it’, understanding it and moving through it before all hell breaks loose.

A values checkin is always helpful and that is where a coach can guide you through to assist you in aligning more with what is impotant to you in life.

So what happens if you fail to see how the situation is a reflection of you or your true feelings or the Mirror is Broken?  Nothing happens but you may well continue to have these ’situations’ show up till you do understand what it is you need to learn.  Success comes to those who are most willing to be themselves, authenticity and by speaking your truth.  Life is like that and mother-nature is relentless when we need to learn something… It will keep showing up in all areas of your life and get bigger and bigger till you take the lessons and implement them by making changes to your life.

What are some of the keys to really understand this concept?

• Know yourself and be courageous enough to ask the hard question of yourself - How is this a reflection of me and how I feel?… You are a work in progress so be open to learning and looking within.
• Set clear boundaries. People will only treat you as you allow them, so with some effective communication and some ‘I feel’ statements you can have the kind of relationships you deserve with everyone in your life.
• Take the higher ground and stay out of someone else’s argument. If the other person has a vendetta against you, do not buy into their story, it could be about them and what they are projecting outward. Certainly reflect on how you are involved but do not put fuel on the fire by ‘getting into’ with them.
• Be compassionate with your understanding of the other person involved and try to see the world with their eyes, if only for a second. You may be surprised at what you see.
• Be open to learning something new at all times and even more willing to do something different to get a new and more positive outcome. There is always one waiting for you.

Success comes when you are clear about your intentions, what you want, how you show up and what you are willing to do to get it. Be your own best coach and when you have utilised all of your own resources, consider it time to get a coach to assist you. Gaining real clarity and opening the window within is easier for those who ask how.

I have been coaching for over 6 years and assist women to get what they want out of life. Be it more from their relationships, their careers or to have a fabulously loving relationship with yourself, I am here to help, so call and find out how coaching can help you. 1300 88 69 82

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