The Silence is Deafening!

It’s in the silence… I found myself amidst the consistent, nagging tunes of George Michaels ‘Amazing’ even when the blackness came and there was nothing else, the words were there still in the deep recesses of my mind… do do do do, I think your amazing… and after 3 whole days of this constant banter, on the fourth day, I found the depths of my spirit, peacefully waiting my return home…

I spent my Christmas break and new year celebration in the silence of my mind, alone, along with about 70 other dedicated meditators… Vipassana was a holiday from my life and I welcomed the time of silence, ten whole days of it!

Leading up to Vipassana, there was chaos of gigantic proportions, financial concerns that created massive worry, uncertainty, anger and fear. My family life was in upheaval with arguments taht seemed to grow in size each time, my relationship turned from beautiful to dependence which was out of my control (so it seemed)…. I’m sure my friends were sick of me winging and seeing me so low, so I retreated and withdrew… My business which I love so much was slowing down for the year and was desperately hating life, getting up off the couch was difficult enough… But to add to it all, I had let my health slide, taking up bad habits to excess, putting on weight and not valuing my body enough to not poison it!

I’d been thinking about attending Vipassana for a while. The first time I thought about it was when I had a broken leg, a great time of reflection, but I was advised that the physical aspect of meditating and long hours of sitting would be a challenge, and so, like a lot of things, I put it on the back burner… for 5 years!

I thought not talking would be the difficult part seems as though I never shut up, I always contribute and have no problem giving my opinion… But by the time I got there, I couldn’t wait for the noise to shut the fuck up! I’d had enough. My mind was constantly reminding me of what I did not have,  jabs at how lazy and fat I am, always letting me know my business was not successful enough, that I was not enough… I had literally become sick of hearing it and was on my way to breaking point.  My world seemed to be crashing down upon me like an abyss of nothingness.

I don’t know if I the only one who has ever felt like that, but I can say, I don’t ever want to go back there again… The abuse was indeed deafening me and slowly killing my spirit, me! I arrived at Vipassana retreat centre in Pomona a desperate woman, ready to do whatever it took to snap out of my misery and into a new, fresh, clean start…

The first 3 days were extraordinary, so much noise in my head, so much abuse and negativity, I thought it would never end. I went to the teacher in an almost crazed state because I just couldn’t get George Michael out of my head, I couldn’t stop worrying about what was and what was not in my life!  In fact, my headaches were extreme migraines of release. Poisons being released, negative thoughts and emotions… letting go, surrendering to the peace that is below and beyond…..

Our teacher patiently taught me how to shift my focus and to have faith, very little instruction, fewer words… Once again, trusting and having faith was my lesson. On day 4 I got it…. Like the best drug I’ve ever had, there was nothing like it! Quiet! Peace! Finally…

During my afternoon meditation, the dark stillness finally came, utopia of the mind was felt, the subtle vibration of my entire being experienced in bliss, equanomous with nature, no boundaries, infinite and expanding like the universe itself, I am the universe!. Total resolution.

In that moment I understood who I really am. I am no different to you, we are all the same, I am more than enough, I am extraordinary and a miracle. A vibration of pure energy, a single atom of consciousness expanded into a being of light and love…

But it was only an experience. Like most things in life, it was only that, one moment of pure experience, nothing to be craved or sought after, nothing to get addicted to, just enjoyed in the present moment. Nothing more, nothing less…. To crave it would only cause more misery.

Day 6 was my hardest day as I settled into a rythym and understanding of why I was there.  I had left the chaos of home and life to find peace and self love and most importantly, a way of coping with the mess that I thought was life outside… In the middle of my morning mediation, amongst my 70 odd fellow meditators I started to cry…

I don’t know if it was fear of returning home that started the giant flood or how happy I was to be there, whatever it was, was far less important than just observing without question and letting my tears flow… And flow they did… All the way down to my belly button, ironically to the place I once drew my life force energy from… The final surrender to pure bliss emptied my heart as it left, making room for the miracle of unconditional love and understanding….

And so went the following days… the days turned into night and the night into day. Meditation, meditation, meditation. Quiet surrender with an understanding of nature, observation of all that is, from a spider spinning its web, pain and joy, to the slight and subtle vibration of my spirits energy… deliverance from misery, the slow journey of elimination of negativity at the very core of its conception… The rebirth of true understanding embraced, the silence, a gift to myself I will always cherish and nurture…

Ten days of silent reflection and observation, zero communication with anyone but myself, over 100 hours of sitting meditation, 4.15am starts… Just myself, complete solitude and in those cherished days, I discovered the secrets to eternal peace and abundance, discipline and vigilance… Of which I am bound to be successful!

I discovered the calm that is really who I am and regained control of my life. I developed and embraced a new way of being and truly understand the importance and what it takes to have balance in my life, to put myself first… But most importantly, I uncovered the blessing of slowing down, doing things in my own time with discipline, simplifying my life and eliminating expectations that disappoint…

Living in the present with mindfulness and calm is who I am. Observing instead of irrational reaction is who I am. Loving unconditionally with understanding and compassion in my heart is who I am… Being a Goddess and embracing what I do is who I am…

There is not greater gift to give yourself, than the gift of silence… Anything less than that is deafening!

If you would like to find out more, please email me. If you are interseted in one on one coaching with me, again, please email me - I am here to be of service! xxx

Yours Real & Raw,

Janelle Manton

admin@topsecretwomensbusiness.com

Top Secret Women’s Business All Rights Reserved (C) 2011

Are you a Serial Casual Sex Fan?

It’s an age old question, probably more frequently asked now with the last few generations with women coming out of the kitchen and breaking free of the conformity that comes with a traditional female role…

When is the right time to decide to have sex with a man and know without a doubt, he respects you enough to call you the next day?

So you’re dating, just met a contender and that complex question raises its head…. Intimacy is meant to be easy, right?

Traditionally we would make him wait (sometimes even till we marry) and make him work for it, wait till he deserves your body and the opportunity to be intimate with you… These days women have the right to do as they please, as men have for centuries and lots of women do what they want without weighing up the consequences.  But if you are waiting for him to call the next day after taking him home, you might want to brace yourself.

I’ve done lots of research on this subject (and it’s not always been fun). I’ve also experienced heart ache trying to figure out why he didn’t call me.  We had been getting along brilliantly, we had chemistry, connection and now after the deed is done, no call! Why? As archaic as it seems, men still love the chase and they are particularly attracted to women who they can’t have - right away…

If a man is really into you, he’ll be happy to get to know you and wait for you. Remember the book, ‘He’s not that into you’? It may be time for a re-read.

So if you really like a guy and want to spend quality time with him in the future, don’t sleep with him till you have bonded in other ways. Until he has an emotional connection with you and wants all of who you are, he is most likely to not respect your decision to go all the way.  Why? Because they don’t have to! If sex is an emotionaless experience, it’s easier for them to walk away.  Most men think if you don’t value you by having sex with him straight away, then he doesn’t have to value you either.

Is this always the case? No, certainly not. There are lots of men who place value on the connection he has with a woman, regardless of how long they’ve known each other… But the truth is, they are few and far between. It’s challenging having a sacred experience with someone you’ve just met or have only been on one or two dates with, there is no real foundation from which to grow - besides the physical… And that isn’t always a good start, it’s often not enough to sustain a loving relationship.

You might think as a woman you are quite capable of having a one night stand or a casual fling without getting emotionally attached and that may be so….

But how long do you really think you can go without emotional fulfilment when you are an emotional being?

If you are a serial casual sex fan then be really honest with yourself, the truth for most women is it is a temporary, quick fix and a bandaid for a greater problem, a denial or detachment… usually from your heart. Serial sex fans pretend it doesn’t matter when the guy doesn’t call the next day, when it really does matter!  Some women deny themselves by playing an even bigger game, that of the predator… ‘I wanted him, so I went and had him, I’m in control here’… No wonder we are being called Cougars and Puma’s! the tragedy is women are lying to themself.

This predatory behaviour and attitude is a big fat lie. Sadly it’s even more tragic when it’s a lie to yourself and a deep reflection of denial and rejection of self worth. Women are not predators by nature, we are gatherers.  We have no primal instinct to hunt, so only a woman deep in her masculine energy goes out hunting…

And does a man want to stay with a woman that competes with him energetically? NO, he does not (obviously rare cases exist of the successful one night stand but that is another story)…  Men are attracted to a woman who lets him be the hunter - a man.  When a man is fully in his masculine and she is fully in her feminine, this is when the polarities of energy are most opposite and most likely to hold an attraction charge.

So, to have sex or not? Do you wait for Mr Right or enjoy Mr Right now? I always advise my clients to seek the answers within as to what is the best for you, as a woman.  Each woman is in a different space, some are single and exploring their sexual nature, while others are still exploring but have the luxury of doing that exploration with a loved one.

The keys to remember when deciding are;

• Tune into the reasons you want to have sex, are they the right reasons to share your body?
• Are you valuing yourself in this situation and does he value you as much?
• Are you getting a quick fix for what might otherwise be lonliness or fear of real connection?
• Are you totally loving you by sharing your most sacred part of you?
• Are you using your predatory skills and the facade of ‘I’m in control’ as a mask?
• Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable so you can experience real emotions or are you somewhat guarded?
• Does he have expectations that he’s going to get you naked before he puts in the ground work?

There is a distinct difference between having a sacred sexual experience with a friend and having an ‘in out, in out’ experience with a near stranger. When you are with a friend and enjoy a deeply moving tantric experience that comes from your heart, you know you are safe.  You can have an experience like that and enjoy no expectations and a very loving and memorable time and walk away feeling respected - Because you connected on a deeper level…

It’s when you as a woman, allow a near stranger to have your body (even if you think you are in charge) for next to nothing and expect a different outcome that the problems really lie…

Sharing your body may seem easier at times than sharing your heart but the long term consequences can be devastating to your self esteem and self worth.  Sex is a sacred act and if you are deciding to ‘have a little fun’, at least choose a worthy opponent. Anything less than an honourable man is giving away your most treasured possession… You!

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

Director

Top Secret Women’s Business

Sex Sells

We all know how prolific sex is in the media, it’s everywhere you look there is either a half naked  skinny, big breasted woman with too perfect hair selling something…  cars, soft drinks, music, clothes, cosmetics, accessories - And that is just the start of it.  Even music clips need to be censored these days - anything from the teen sensation The Veronicas getting it on together in their clips to Beyonce wiggling her very gorgeous ass around is selling sex. I don’t need to remind you of how much of a uproar Cher caused when she decided to ‘Turn back time’ in her unforgettable ‘duct tape’ outfit whilst riding a cannon…. Argh! But we all still watched in amazement of some kind, right?

Advertisers know they are selling to both men and women when it comes to the sexy images they portray and they also know it works but are we as consumers really that gullible?  Or is there something far more important going on that we have yet to GET before this kind of advertising stops insulting our intelligence and sexualising our children?

The fact of the matter is that Sex Sells, it always has and most likely, always will!

What I find most interesting is what our perception of sexy really is.  For the majority of men it’s not big breasted, blond bombshells wearing short skirts (like most women also think).  Most people like to look at that kind of sexy (perhaps out of intrigue) but do not take it seriously. Why? Because we want more, men want more from women and women want more from themselves (and their men).  Succumbing to ‘cheap sexy’ (the kind that reveals too much skin) does not value the person for whom they really are inside, in fact, it sells them short by a long shot and insults their intelligence.

When surveyed by Top Secret Women’s Business, the majority of men said that confidence and curves are what they found most sexy about a woman… It was how they carried themself and really felt about themself on the inside that they found most appealing about a woman.  So why are we still accepting the media’s version of sexy when what we know to be REALLY AUTHENTICALLY SEXY comes from within? Time to ditch the discriminating sexist magazine advertising and glossies and make room for what really counts - How you really see and feel about yourself, because only then will advertiser ease up on perceiving sexy any other way.

This article is about how to really sell sex, the kind that keeps your ass covered and your breasts put away so you to get anything you want - with your integrity intact and your personal power restored.  You might even become a more media savvy person as a result - by not buying into the cheap thrill of boobs and bouncing hair. You will realise that sexy is not anything that is external but quite the opposite, sexy is a state of mind, a belief, a feeling, an undeniable strength, energy that you can cultivate at anytime, once you know how…

It means that anyone can be sexy at any size, shape, height, hair colour because sexy comes from within - at any time of the day. Sexy is a state of mind and quickly translates to innate confidence and self worth when you take the promise of sex out of it.

So how do you sell your own brand of sexy and become Mistress of your own Universe, get more of what you deserve and everything you expect?

It’s easy; you do it by cultivating your very own ‘Grrr…Factor’. Grrr factor is not too different from ‘X Factor’ but it’s more about what is on the inside. Grrr is spunk, confidence, self worth, an innate sense of knowing you are on top of your game, the solid sense of being totally in love with yourself and that little sparkle in your eye - the kind that lets people know you are deeply sexy - from the inside out.  It’s in your walk, your grace and poise, how you hold your head and the deep alluring look in your eyes…

A deep inner sense of sexy is revealed externally as confidence, if you know you are sexy, confidence comes easy and so will that job of your dreams, the career path you desire, the relationship you dream about and all the things in between that really matter. So let’s look at ways you can feel more sexy and powerful.

So here are 7 secrets to begin to cultivate your Grrr Factor;

• Get rid of your magazines - especially the ones that do not serve YOU, stop buying them (put the money in an interesting bearing fund like ING instead), not only will you increase your wealth but you will be less influenced by others perception of beauty and perfection and start to develop your own sense of style and character less the external influences
• Turn your TV off (or sell your TV), minimise your News viewing (because it’s all doom and gloom and can dampen anyone’s mood)
• Now you’ve minimised the media bombardment, you can start getting more in touch with YOU and just being you, get Real and Raw. Every woman knows there is more to them than meets the eye, be prepared to be more open and more revealing of the inner you - by simply deciding that is what you want. Hang out with like minded women who support you
• Ask yourself up to 50 times a day, “Am I being a real woman right now?” Display elegance, poise, grace, softness and posture when possible - when you shift your physiology, you can shift your mindset too - so no more slouching, hold your head up high honey and be proud, practice in your mirror at home
• Pimp up your wardrobe with some colour, frills, florals, dresses and accessories - anything feminine that spells class and style (ok you may want to omit the floral suggestion). Dare to dress yourself up so you feel great every day, remember you don’t have to let your breasts out to play to feel sexy - True sexiness comes from within
• Move more - exercise releases feel good endorphins into your body and are great for stress relief and making you feel on top of it… So start moving more, take the stairs, go for walks, Do some in home classes (Zumba is fantastic), bike ride, gym, yoga…Anything that gets you moving…
• Be creative and expressive - Your femininity needs a creative outlet. In order to really nestle into your sexy mindset, discover a way you can express yourself and your emotions… Write, paint, do pottery, dance, sing, meditate. Whatever you do, make it an expression of your femininity so you can cultivate even more Grrr.

So here is the juice of it ladies… You don’t have to be the prettiest, smallest, youngest or best dressed to get what you want… All you need to do is believe in yourself… That kind of sexy can sell you into the career of your dreams, the relationship you’ve always wanted, or the team you’ve always wanted to join, anything in fact. Why? Because your Grrr Factor is about you and your innate confidence, your control and internal power and no one can take that from you and that my friends is dead sexy.

So does sex sell? Yes it does and it doesn’t seem to be changing anytime soon (even in spite of the relentless efforts of the many anti sexist and anti discrimination campaigns running), so best you get  the band wagon - In a Top Secret kind of way… By discovering how you can cultivate you own brand of sexy that has you shining and feeling confident from the inside out. It’s only then when we change our overall perception of what sexy really is that anything in the media will change because only then will we stop buying into their perceptions of cheap sexy.

Are women disadvantaged if they don’t look like a glossy magazine cover? No way, sexy comes from within - it’s something you have inside you, every woman is sexy… Just ask me how you can identify your own sexy style that is what I do.

Is there an easy way I can feel deeply sexy and more confident? Yes indeed, especially through Top Secret Women’s Business… We have a Goddess Academy Retreat coming up in July and you can be one of the few women who are selected to attend - You will transform your life, I promise… Ask me how and save over $500 on your weekend tuition.

Also, check out my signature Audio program Cultivating the GRRR… Factor (only $35) - it could be the ticket you need to get started or rejuvenate your own sexy brand.  And take a look at the dates for The Goddess Academy - every woman should attend this weekend away, you need it…

I am here to help and Top Secret Women’s Business fully supports every woman’s personal journey toward being the Goddess you were born to be.

Yours Real and Raw

Sex and Emotional Attachment

Can women have sex with a man and not get emotionally involved?  And when is the right time to have sex with someone you meet…? Is there a right time? 

Are women really capable of detaching from our emotional nature in order to have a short term win in the form of a one night stand or a ‘friends with benefits’ kind of relationship without getting involved?

And does any woman reallyhave sex for the sake of having sex and getting off or are there deeper needs she is  trying to fulfill?

Emotional attachment is an inevitable and most likely outcome for women after sex as it is simply part of their nature. We are emotional beings, we feel and therefore we are.  I read somewhere not so long ago that women tend to become emotionally connected for up to three weeks after a sexual encounter. When I thought about the reasons why that specific amount of time,  I reasoned, 21 days to create a habit, 21 days to break one… Well I don’t actually agree with that statement for many reasons. The first one being, I believe you can break a habit immediately if you choose to and while it could take 21 days to create a habit, when it comes to sleeping with someone, well, that could only take 21 minutes.

Most importantly, the thing we need to remember is that women are emotional animals and yes, we are animals after all (let’s not forget that).  Men on the other hand (whilst still animals…. grrr) have a different instinct to us girls…. A genetic predisposition to procreate and get as much practise in spreading their seed as possible… It’s what keeps the world populated.  But unlike us girls, they can ‘do it’ without the emotional attachment, yes, that means wham bam thank you mamm! 

But the question is, can women do the same thing without getting emotionally attached?

Are women truly capable of the kind of freedom that allows us to be sexually active without emotional attachment?

One of my long time friends, is the most gorgeous and enigmatic, energetic woman, open and free, well spoken, well put together, successful, confident and newly separated.  She was married for nearly 7 years and is now finding herself for the first time perhaps in years.  She looks and breathes confidence and regularly hooks up with delicious men.  She says she just likes to F#&* and get out of there and is totally ok with nothing more…. But I beg to differ. I watch and listen very closely to her and notice times of self sabotaging behaviour, ridicule and moments where she beats herself up and is regretful (unbeknownst to her I see these things). Now she has never admitted she is lonely and wishes they’d call her, in fact, she blows off the ‘contact after sex’ and makes out she doesn’t want them to bother her but I suspect deep hurt at the underlying rejection that is really going on. Samantha says she is in control, but her non-actions might reflect the opposite view…

Another woman I know, admittedly loves sex, sleeps with whom ever she chooses, she is also confident but openly suffers the rejection and disappointment she feels after her ‘encounters’. She says she is has a great time, the best sex ever  with her conquests and then gets let down when they do not call to ask her out a second time.  I suspect her ‘good time gal’ attitude is more a cover up for what she really wants and is not getting. The connection she is getting from a casual encounter is a temporary relief for her lonely and frightened heart….. A tall diagnosis and it breaks my heart to see her in a constant state of pain.  Her emotional attachment is obvious and with great expectations that are continuously being unfulfilled…

So this is what I have become to think and know… As a coach, a single sexually active woman and a friend to many women - we are not totally capable of having a sex without getting emotionally involved to some degree….. So be careful who you choose to have sex with ladies! 

At the end of the day, no matter how tough and detached you think you are, you cannot lie to your natural instincts - you are an emotional being.  There are many factors to consider when having sex with someone and many reasons why a woman would choose to go ‘there’. You’ve got physical attraction and wanting to shag a man just because he is gorgeous, intellectual attraction and that feeling of familiarity or similarity - he mentally stimulates you, feelings of love and wanting to share an intimate part of you, an expression of your love for another, the physical need to feel sexual relief…

No matter what the reason you choose to have sex with someone, there are several facts that remain. When you have sex, you surrender yourself to that person, as a woman you become vulnerable and raw and you open yourself and your body up to a level of intimacy that you only ever share with yourself (when self ‘loving’). 

To share your body with another and expect that you will not be emotionally involved is really only lying to yourself. 

When I ask women what their thoughts are on the word vulnerability, most of them say it’s a sign of weakness or they don’t feel safe when they are vulnerable and the reality is, during sex, you are your most vulnerable, especially with your emotional self. 

So is a little temporary sexual relief and false moment of connection, really worth the sacrifice of your yearning heart and soul and the pain of suffering rejection?

And when the lucky guy does not call you after to tell you how fabulous you were, who then is in control?  Are you really valueing yourself when you give of your most intimate self so freely? 

How is being promiscuous with a near stranger giving yourself the gift of a well deserving partner who cherishes you? My educated best guess is, it’s not honouring you at all, not one single bit.

Every woman wants to feel love and connection, we need it for our very survival, that is one of the most common reasons why committed partners have affairs, to get their need for love and connection fulfilled.  I don’t buy into any woman who tells me she can sleep with a man and not feel a little hurt that he is not begging to see her again, or calling with gratitude and offers for dinner dates…

If she does tell me she’s ok about his lack of after connection, I’d have to say I don’t believe it and really consider what is going on deep within her soul. I’d bet there is a state of some kind of denial happening and deep underlying fears at play… Most people really want to be loved and to love someone in return, so when do you decide to share your body as well without the risk of not being completely and lovingly received?

So here is the deal ladies and gents that will keep all of your emotions intact and have you making the right decisions that nurture and respect the most important person in the world…. You:

• Guys, call her the next day no matter what (even if you don’t want to see her again, it doesn’t hurt to say thank you, you were fabulous).
• Be honest and clear about your intentions. Do you want to sleep with that person with a view of starting a relationship, do you want to relieve an aching body or do you need some loving connection…?
• If you feel bad after an encounter or there are awkward moments or feelings afterward, then maybe it was not the right thing to do… right?
• Don’t lie to yourself, be honest. If you’ve really connected with someone you’ve just met, then do you think sleeping with them right away is going to get you what you ‘really’ want in the long run? Make them wait, because you are worth it.
• Men like to hunt and women gather, remember to give him something to chase if you want to see him again.
• If you want a good time and are willing to risk the emotional attachment then remember to do a ‘Cutting of Energetic Ties’ process after… ASK ME HOW
• Understand that their are energetic connections being made when you share a sexual encounter, your energies combine as does your bodies. Be prepared for the effects and impact of this on your soul.
• Guys, be conscious of who you want to be energetically and emotionally attached to you (after sex). It’s as much your responsibility as it is a woman’s.
• Leave judgements aside, if you want to do it, just do it (and guys, don’t hold that against her) this could be the best thing that has ever happened to both of you.
• If you are a woman and you suspect a case of post sex emotional attachment, then reconsider the decision to do it… Perhaps it’s best to go home and self sauce…
• Don’t expect men to get emotionally involved with you after a one nighter, any expectations may leave you disappointed. Be firm and stabel with your decisions.
• Communicate thoroughly with your partner of your intentions and where you stand so no one has any nasty surprises that can be hurtful. Honesty is the best policy.
• Hold out for as long as you can. When you have sex after really getting to know someone, there is less likely to be any feelings of rejection, as you have developed trust and strong foundations that will support your intimacy together.
• Some women have been known to sleep with men in order to make them like them more (in the hope of a relationship developing) if this is you, get real, what are you doing? Relationships rarely ever develop after a one nighter, first night, it’s a fairytale. Stay away ladies and value you a little more.

 Men surveyed say they will take almost any opportunity to have sex that comes their way, but he will rarely have a relationship with a woman that puts out so easily. Can you believe that?  We all know it’s true, so why do women still torture themselves with the hope that a sexual encounter will win over a man’s affections?

 Or are women actually capable of having sex without attachment?

 What are your thoughts? Do you have a story to share that will shed some light and help others make the decision to do it or not? 

To have sex or not? To stay emotionally neutral or not, that is the question!  I’d love to hear from you…

With lovin

Janelle Manton

For Love or Lust?

Have you ever wondered if you’ve done ‘it’ for love or lust?  Have you ever beaten yourself up after  making ‘that’ decision? Guilt, shame, regret and disappointment are commonly felt emotions for a modern women and I have to ask why?  I know as a single gal and an International Coach, I know that a lot of my single girl clients and even girl friends have expressed their confusion after being with a lover and often berate themself after a fantastic night of tantalising delights. In this article I am going to dispel some of the misconceptions around choosing to have sex and quite possibly put you single girls at ease, being a woman is meant to be easy…. 

There is nothing more liberating then making the decision to lose yourself in a heated sexual experience.  If you’re a single girl, you may have decided at one time or another to go home with a man you just met - commonly referred to as a one night stand but is it really?  So the night goes, you meet a cute man you are attracted to, you have a connection and many things in common which are important to you.  There is the undeniable chemistry that comes with this sort of connection… And then there’s the offer to spend the night together….  What’s a girl to do?

On one hand, you like him and our societal expectation and standards dictate you should not go home with him (or her) on the first date (or night) because you’ll ruin your chances of being taken serious or you’ll be stereo typed or at the very worst end of the scale, branded a slut.  But on the other hand, ‘doing the deed’ is a chance to get to know him further, a greater chance to connect with him and what’s even more, could be a opportunity to have that ‘itch’ scratched and if the decision is made consciously and powerfully, it could be an expression of you being in total control of your wants and needs.  Nothing is sexier than a powerful, confident and decisive woman.

Let’s not forget for one minute, that women have libido’s too and quite often greater drives than a lot of men and sometimes, we like to act on those peaks with a sense of ferociousness.  Are you selling yourself short if you decide not to or are you protecting your chances to see him again and possibly, have him in your life?

Most women have heard of the book, ‘He’s just not into you’.  It goes to say that a man is supposed to chase, put in the effort, take up the challenge to gain her affections and make her feel like a princess and that she is the only woman in the world for him and if he does not do any of that well, then ‘he’s just not that in to you’ and to some extent, I agree.  Who wants a guy that does not make you feel desirable, wanted and needed?  And every woman loves a guy who pursues her, makes her feel desirable and wanted.  So when is the right time to give into some hard core lust? And when is it time to open yourself to love with your new friend?

From my research, there is a great divide for women these days and it is surrounded by loads of confusion as to what the rules are. And men share our confusion.  Neither knows if they should chase or be chased.  Some men expect a ‘liberated’ woman to make the calls and chase them and when they do, they are ‘too needy’ by other standards.  Others will wait for the guy to do the pursuing and spend a lot of time just waiting around for the guys to make the moves.  So what do women really want?  Do we want car doors open for us? Do we really want a man to do the chasing and pursuing? Do men want a woman who is assertive and a go getter and does the initial calling? Or a submissive and patient (while she waits for the call) kind of gal?

So what happens when you spy a gorgeous man in a club, you have a ‘mutual admiration society’ going on with connection and eye contact, lots of smiles and then it’s time for you to leave… You walk passed him and he does nothing.  When you turn around to see if he is coming after you, all he does is smile his big pearly white smile again… And nothing! An opportunity missed or an opportunity to assert yourself?  Should you go back and talk to him or could you assume that if he thought you were that great he’d have come after you and not let you out of his sight?

During my interviews and surveying women (including myself), I discovered that there are two kinds of men. The ones you have lust for and just want to play with and the ones you might want to date (upon further investigation) and fall in love with.  So how does this play out for you?  For love or lust?  Do you make the decision to be with or without based on whether you may or may not see him again.   It could be safe to say, that most modern women have been with a man just for the sake of having him, having some fun or satiating your own desires… So is he the guy you go back and talk to after mutual admiration?  Or is he the man you walk away from because he is a real prospect and someone you want to have chase and pursue you - because he’s really into you?

As women, we need to know a guy will stand up for us, provide security and protection for us…  Remember, we are animals and have primal needs that still need to be fulfilled and when it comes to ‘potential partners’, a woman needs to know her guy will stand up to the challenge - for the sake of our very survival.  It’s fair to say, women have different needs when looking for a partner. Are you certain of what it is you really want?  It could be time to start asking you better quality questions…

• What is it you really want from a man?
• What needs do you have that you want a man to fulfil?
• If love is what you really want, what strategy are you currently using?
• If you are looking to have some of your lustful desires fulfilled, are you going about getting ‘it’ in such a way that empowers you, or are you left feeling deflated, guilty and defeated?
• What kind of sexual conditioning have you been subjected to in your life and how is that playing out now as a pattern that no longer serves you?
• What are you willing to do about that to get a different and more empowering result?
• Do you have expectations of others that are not fulfilled and how are you meeting your own needs?
• What values do you have around love, sex, lust and relationships?

When you start to ask yourself better quality questions and have clarity around what it really is you want, you can start to take control of your life and feel good about whatever you decide, in any case.   It is true you can have your needs for love and lust met in one solid relationship, so what can you do now, that will satiate your heart’s deepest desires and achieve that very thing?

As a single girl open to finding true love, for me, the quality of my decisions leaves me without guilt and regret and always empowered and better for it, no matter what it is.  I make conscious decisions every day that enrich my life and take me closer to the outcomes I seek to fulfil.  What would it take for you to just do it? Or not do it? Whether lust of love wins out in the end, at least you can rest assured you made a powerful decision that gave you want you wanted at the time…

And then, what if he doesn’t call? Well, maybe you made the decision to sleep with him based on the fact that, he would…   Remember the golden rule ladies.  When you have sex with someone you are energetically sharing yourself, a far more intimate part of yourself than just your body, you are sharing your energy, literally.  Your sexual energy lingers (like ethereal cords from you to them) for up to three weeks, attaching you to them through your emotions - Yes this means emotional connection.  So if you choose to go there, choose carefully and for the right reasons.  The right reasons will have you be able to cut and sever the energy more readily if need be. The difference is feeling empowered or disempowered…

Whether it is for lust or love, you deserve to be able to rise above social conditioning and do what you choose, because you’re worth it and because you are an amazingly desirable woman.  Thousands of years ago, women were revered for their sexual prowess, and being sexual with a woman was considered a great honour. Our wisdom and insight was highly valued and with the rise of men in power over centuries, women’s right to experience true sexual liberation (and in some cases even pleasure) has been controlled and diminished. 

Choose to reclaim your goddess sexuality back. Decide to clear yourself of any negative conditioning and understand what it is you want instead… Now is the time to fight for true liberation and own who you are - Real and Raw!  It all starts with just one person and that person is you.  For love or Lust? Does it really matter to anyone but you?  It’s ultimately up to you to decide and for all women to own!

If making open minded decisions about your sexuality is challenging for you and you want to talk to someone who can really assist you to the next level, then please call me.  I specialise in professional change work that encompasses the intimate and private issues surrounding your sexual past and your potential future. Why wait.  1300 88 69 82 Call Janelle today.

Let go of Sexual Conditioning

Bring SEXY Back!

This video talks candidly about bringing sexy back into your life, how you can tap into your femininity and develop your own brand of sensuality. Sexuality is a direct way of connecting with your emotional self and acknowledge yourself as a powerful and gorgeous woman…

Bring Sexy Back!

Sexy has almost become extinct for the average working woman. She has become very masculine in her efforts to keep up with self imposed demand. I’ve been curious about this point for some time and have done much research. What we now know is the importance energy has to play in our daily lives, masculine and feminine energy in particular and how the balance between the two is critical for sustainability and longevity in a relationship - expecially the one we have with ourselves. There is also a lot to be said about the consequences of feminism (yes there are consequences) and how we may have swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction without considering what it would mean to us 30, 40, 50 years in the future.

I am not going to bring on a political debate about feminism as I truly am thankful for what our mothers and grandmothers have done for us. The very fact that I can share this opinion with you through my own company, is the work of many great women. In my research, studies and a lifetime of working with women and coaching them, I have found that there are a lot of women who are not in touch with their deepest form of femininity - their sexuality and sensuality! They have turned into the provider, The Hunter!

It is essential for a modern woman to acknowledge, accept and cultivate her own sense of sexuality. Bringing sexy back into your life, or discovering it for the first time, is a gateway into your womanhood…. Owning it is your ‘Rites of Passage‘ and a birth right and much needed for sustained energy and innate confidence. Remember our primal instincts as a human being still exist…

In the book by Dr John Gray, Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, Dr Gray goes to mention that a woman is in her feminine prime and most in touch with her femininity when she is sexually active. I’ve done many readings in this area and come to conclude that a woman has access to the deepest part of her primal yearnings when she is having sex, feeling sensual and is most emotional connected (and emotionally intelligent) during this time. A woman needs sexual activity in order to harness her feminine energy with vigor and ownership.

Sex is one of the most powerful ways a woman can connect with her deepest emotions and hearts desires.

With most of the female population working, earning, striving, owning businesses, being the boss, being the leader, providing for families, setting goals and being driven toward success (all masculine traits and energy I might add), there is no wonder the polarity between the sexes is diminishing and divorce is on the rise. Not only that, there is an increasing amount of women not able to find a suitable mate that is ’strong enough’ to satiate her… There is little passion, less attraction, imagination or balance in our relationships and it’s high time we started to do something about it!

Ladies, no one is telling you to stop working or discontinue being the boss, however, it is important to understand that in continuing as you are, you are doing it with masculine energy, an unsustainable energy source for a woman - hence the exhaustion, overwhelm and low libido (or you could have an increased libido with a diminished, unresponsive partner). Women with masculine energy oozing out of them, contribute to the lack of attraction in their most intimate relationships and it emasculates the male partner also. Therefore, the attraction factor is even less as he is now trying to get in touch with his ‘emotions’ while he figures out why he is not feeling passion for his chick anymore… And so the cycle goes.

A woman is more likely to be in touch with her femininity when she is sexually active, when she desires sex, harnesses the energy it brings, and runs with the wolves of desire for its life giving and rejuvenating, sustenance. For a woman, sex is likened to the elixir of life, it is a gateway into the deepest realms of her emotional self.

So, working girl, What can you do to spice up your life? Get Real and Raw and discover your ‘GRRR Factor’? BRING SEXY BACK! By bringing sexy back into your life, you will find the much needed balance that owning your sensuality brings. How long has it been since you actually felt sexy, sensual and passionate? Really? And I don’t just mean in the bedroom.

Sexual energy is a sustainable force you can use all day, once you know how.

You don’t necessarily have to be with a partner to develop your sense of sensuality and inner strength, start with yourself first. ‘Self Sex‘ is a direct way of saucing up your intimate relationship with yourself and being more fulfilled in your partnership is then a bonus. The added benefits of self sex are massive… increased self esteem, self worth, physical satisfaction, body acceptance, innate confidence, stress relief…. Understanding your body brings about the ability to being vulnerable with another (your partner) and understanding how far you can go with yourself, gives you permission to go there with your partner too. WooHoo!

But it’s not just about sex and self sex. Bringing sexy back means taking care of yourself, feeling like you deserve to feel pretty and sensuous, fit and healthy and taking the time to nurture yourself everyday in some way. Most importantly, it’s about how you feel about yourself on the inside. Does this mean wearing a plunging neck line top to work to feel good? No it does not. Sexiness comes from within. It’s your ‘GRRR Factor’… something far more complex than wearing a short skirt and getting a wolf whistle (and lets not discredit the benefits of a harmless wolf whistle).

True sexiness is you being REAL and RAW, it’s owning your femininity and your womanhood on a level deeper than you may previously experienced. Owning your sexiness and developing your own brand of sensuality is your ‘Rite of Passage’ as a woman and the secret to finding balance between work, home, family and relationships.

I designed ‘THE SEALED SECTION’ Retreat weekend (31^st-2^nd Aug Brisbane’s Glass House Mountains) for this very purpose. It’s critical for women to discover a new way of being that encompasses all of your incredible beauty(accepting your mind body and soul), your dual nature and your nurturing feminine self and let’s remember your desire to achieve great success in a sustainable way. When a woman owns her sexuality and develops her own brand of sensuality, she immediately becomes a stronger, more playful and a more attractive woman - on the inside and out.

THE SEALED SECTION is for you because you deserve to have all of what life has to offer and by developing your sensual side and harnessing your GRRR Factor, you will discover what it takes to have the kind of relationship with yourself that gives you permission to speak up, be vulnerable and love who you are. In addition you will enjoy life without inhibitions and feel good about yourself.

THE SEALED SECTION Retreat is for you if you:

• Need time out of your life to regenerate, rejuvenate and revitalise
  • You want to ‘Hot up’ or discover your ‘Super Mojo’
• You are in a relationship that needs a richer connection and more sexual fulfilment
• You want to give yourself permission to discover your sexuality and sensuality, so you can live a richer life
• You are a workaholic and simply don’t even recognise the words femininity, sex and girlfriends
• You want to learn to relate to yourself and others more authentically
• You want to take your already great relationship with yourself and others to the next level of intimacy and vulnerability

What will it cost you if you don’t attend?

How much longer can you wait to discover your ‘Real and Raw self’?

You will want to take action as soon as possible as there are only spaces for 16 people. This is a small and intimate retreat that can only cater to a small group due to the personal nature of the content, so please make your enquiries immediately. It’s going to push your buttons, I promise!

In the meantime ladies, consider what you can do to BRING SEXY BACK into your life? Just because we are ‘liberated’ women, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be feminine, soft sexy and needy. I need to feel love and I need to feel sexy, it’s how I go about getting those needs met that serves me (or not). Sexy for ME, is about ME and how it makes ME feel empowered, confident and self assured and if it involves another person, well he is the luckiest man on the planet….

Much lovin and self sexin gals, I look forward to seeing you at THE SEALED SECTION!

BRING SEXY BACK!!!

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton