I am an Ordinary Woman!

I’m an ordinary woman… I have curves like most women and there are parts of my body I’d like to change if I could but I’m happy with what I’ve been given. I have a warm smile and I know I have warmth in my heart because I can feel it. I see the world through bright blue eyes but how I see the world is my very own Uniqueness - as it is for every woman.

I often make mistakes, sometimes over and over again until I eventually understand the universe is trying to tell me something and I eventually get the message - the valuable learnings, so I can move forward.  I have a tendency to attract the ‘mack truck’ kind of experiences - you know, the ones that hit you smack bang right in the face, hard and it hurts like hell.  I’ve started to learn much more quickly and read the signs now before I get run over. I hear the voice within, feel in my senses and my intuition but I don’t always listen…

I strive to be the best parent I can be and struggle not to blame my parents for fucking it up for me. I remind myself they taught me what NOT to do as a parent, so I’m ok, I know they did the best they can and for their efforts, I am grateful. My kids love me unconditionally and while it’s not always easy, we manage and we have a lot of fun. Like most mums, I’d do anything for my children and can’t imagine my life without them, they are the teachers, they are the wise ones in my world.

Every day, a little bit more of my heart is forgiven for leaving my marriage instead of sticking it out and working it out. Every day I send him love and hope my childrens father doesn’t hate me for changing our family.  And every day I am grateful I have had the opportunity to explore who I really am as a woman since then.

Throughout this journey I have taken on my own, I’ve learned many things and experienced even more… Who I am, what I want, what I am capable of and what I am not. I’ve discovered who my real friends are and who is most important to me and what it means to be a girlfriend - loyal, strong, nurturing, compassionate, happy! I’ve decided I’m still learning how to be a great girl-friend.

I seek no validation, nor fame. I want freedom to be me, as a warm hearted mother and spirited lover. I desire the peace of mind that comes from speaking my mind and being present with my emotions. I want freedom to be emotional without excuses or hiding behind a veil of bravery - for I know my strength comes from my ability to release, realise and accept how I feel.

What I want for myself is a sense of knowing that I am equanamous with mother nature and that I am the same life force that thrives in her.  The feeling that I am indeed, powerful beyond measure but I don’t always feel that kind of power… In fact, sometimes I feel completely powerless and full of pain.  When I watch TV or see the atrocities that are committed in the world against women and children, I realise I am not alone, we women have a long way to go till we are free… Free from what? Ourselves and the walls we have built over centuries of hiding and denigration?

We no longer have the fear of burning at the stake - at least not in this country but we still live with fear - fear of being a deeply loving sexual goddess, fear self of expression and speaking our truth, even if our love is at risk. I’m an ordinary woman, I want what every woman wants - to feel like a woman one who can and does harness the power of the greatest mother of all - mother earth.

Every now and then I get a glimpse of  mother earth connection and it brings me back down to earth, literally pulling me down to the core of who I am, the core of the earth.  I am most grounded and at peace when I am connect with the core. My connection with the earth mother makes we want to run wild and naked through the woods howling with joy and a sense of freedom - but if I did that, run like the wolves, would I still be an ordinary woman?

I don’t want to hide behind the cloak of that which I have created but to not hide, leaves me open to explore uncharted territory… Do I dare go where the wise women before me have gone? Do I reach up, reach out, speak up and dare to shout out from the roof tops what I actually want… Do I even know what that really is?

I wonder if other ordinary women feel the same as me? Do they too want to scream from the roof tops and be set free? Do they KNOW without a doubt, of the feeling of wonderment, wildness, willingness and wisdom that resides within their heart and have they too lost their key to unlock the mysteries of womanhood?

Do other women want more from life, to unleash the suppression that lies heavy in their hearts? Do they know the great love of source and  spirit resides within them?

I am an ordinary woman, but I FEEL so much, so deeply, with complexity that leaves me bewildered, enriched and sometimes confused and scared. I FEEL so much love and yet, shy away from the love of others. I play a dance of openness and close up when it’s not comfortable for me to be so vulnerable.

I know how to surrender and open myself to vulnerability, I understand my strength when I am vulnerable and open like a flower… But if I question myself, do I really know how to fully surrender? Would I have not run like the wolves by now? Would I have not spoken up and stood out and shouted from the roof tops, my hearts desires?  Would I have not challenged this very world we women live in?

Would I have not screamed my fucking lungs out, with the greatest intensity during a session with my lover? If I was supposed to be fully surrendered, why would I have ever held back?

I am an ordinary woman, I live with passion and wishes fulfilled, I have desires and hopes and some of my dreams are so far, left unfulfilled… Marianne Williamson said it best in her book ‘A return to love’, we are powerful beyond measure, when we shine our light, we give others permission to also shine….

So anything less than me being EXTRAORDINARY, isn’t me being myself, isn’t me leaving my mark on this world. It is certainly not me being everything I know I am…. I am extraordinary, I just know it, I always have been.

You are just like me, you feel it, don’t you? Won’t you join me and be extraordinary too… The great mother earth, our world and the women in it, need us to be more - more of everything we know we are already…. It’s time to surrender and unleash!

Everything we discuss here is covered in The Goddess Retreat - you are not alone, you never will be. Nothing you experience as a woman ever has to be misunderstood, never has to be left unforgiven… Begin your journey today and join us.  CLICK HERE for dates and details.

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

All Rights Reserved (C) 2011

Top 3 Passion Killers

There are times in life when not a lot in life seems overly exciting. The couch seems like the better option than standing up to exercise, eating takeaway is easier than making food that is healthy and nutritious.

Your relationship hit a critical mass ‘breakdown’ - neither party is willing to spice things up or talk about real issues, sex is a chore (what the?), housework is even worse and putting any imagination into your life ‘together’ seems futile.

The kids are bored and fighting, work is a burden of dreary ‘good for nothing’ means to an end unmentionables and even your social life fails to excite you… Kill me slowly….

What is going on? Where have the days of loving your life gone?  You used to love your work, now it’s a mundane time consuming pay check.  Your partner used to excite the fuck out of you, literally, now the sight of them makes you want to run for the hills or roll over (even if it’s a temporary ailment, it still occasionally happens) and the thought of excercising and loving your body, increasing your energy and being pumped by life is only something those crazed personal trainers enjoy…

Adventure is out of the question, I mean what is this adventure you speak of anyway? Adventure is for kids, NOT!!!!!!

I could go on here but you get the picture….

The worst part is, even if this ugly picture does not apply to you, there is a little bit of it in all of us, at different times in our life, times when our passion and vavavoom for life has simply melted away…  It’s the stuck state you hate, the treadmill that you want OFF! Well it doesn’t have to last forever…

So what happens, does passion just get up and walk out on us in our time of need?

What stops us from maintaining our passion and lust for the things that are most important to us?

The top 3 Passion killers are:

No1. Killer of passion is COMPLACENCY… When you take your eye off the prize, your eye off the target and stop putting in any effort, complacency kicks in. We get a little too comfortable, a little lazy perhaps, can’t be bothered and seise all passion increasing activities.  When you stop making an effort life starts to resemble a treadmill of monoteny, it’s the same, day in day out and your arch enemy COMPLACENCY thrives in such environments.

No2. Killer of passion is ‘NOT KNOWING’ what you are passionate about. If you have nothing to be passionate about - like a career you love, a partner you adore, a body that excites you, friends who inspire you, hobbies that motivate you, then it may be time to make some decisions and gain some clarity about what you would like to be passionate about instead of maintaining the current status quo. You’ve settled for ‘what is’ instead of deciding what you really want and then going after it. Not knowing can also indicate an unwillingness to explore what is possible. To this I would say, isn’t it time do dare to do something that actually excites you?

No3. Killer of passion is FEAR, fear of getting outside the box and daring to do it, ‘life’ that is. Quite often you are ruled by fear and it’s debilitating claws that you dare not do anything different for fear of the consequences. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being abandon, judged, fear of being broke, fear of what people think…. Sound familiar? Fear has a strong hold over us for many reasons and the fear mongering world we live in only serves to generate more fear…

There are many different reasons why passion can melt - health problems, significant trauma, events of the past that are unresolved, social stigma to name a few more, perhaps you never had it to start with?

In any case, all of these can be healed, repaired, ignited and put back on track with the right help. You can break free of the chains that bind you, you can crack complacency and overcome your fears, you can ignite and discover your passions, I’ll show you how, all you have to do is decide it’s something you need right now.

Passion is for everyone to enjoy, it’s only fair that you enjoy every aspect of your life and live like each day is your last. It’s makes common sense to let go of a past that doesn’t even exist anymore and get on with living a full and over flowing life, but are you?

It makes total sense to do what you love and love who you ‘do’ with absolute crazy passion… Passion makes you feel powerful and if you feel it, guess what, you are powerful.  Passion makes you feel energised, enlivened and enthusiastic. Are you getting enough?

Anything less than you living your life passionately, isn’t you being your full and vibrant, loving and amazing self, isn’t it?  Why would you compromise who you really are?

What can you do today that puts a little more passion back into your life?

What do you need to ‘move away from’ in order to get what you want?

What lengths are you willing to go, to discover what your passions really are?

How would your relationship improve if you popped a little more passion into it?

Ready to breakthrough some boundaries and totally pop with Passion? I can help, all you need to do is say, BOOK ME IN!

Join me (over skype) for a ‘Passion Pop Experience’, it’s a specific way of experiencing a pop into being more passionate in all areas of your life. I will take you on an experiential journey into new territory, so you can feel free to LOVE YOUR LIFE with PASSION!

You will pop through the glass ceiling that currently stops you from feeling the love (in any area of your life). Come Pop with me. Sessions are 1.5 hours and $295AUD Email me you interest and I will schedule your appointment.

Sometimes changing your life is a simple as a POP in your imagination….

Yours Real & Raw,

Janelle Manton

TSWB (C) All Rights Reserved 2011

Show me the way home, Deal Lover

Dear Lover,

How I crave you. Every day my craving grows and expands in a way I’ve never experienced before.  And my cravings are always satiated with your presence… Only to reignite when you are away from me…

I fell in love with you quickly my darling because you are so much like me, you are a reflection of me and how I feel about myself, I see myself in you. There are times when I wonder about love and if my love for you is more infatuation, an ‘in love and lust’ kind of love and then you sweep me away to yet another paradigm of understandings and depth… another world of something so unconditional I can hardly breath, my love.

Sometimes when you are away I start to doubt myself and my fear of such closeness stifles me.  What if you see all of me and who I really am? What if you don’t think I’m perfect or irresistible?  What if you change your mind about loving me?  I’m slowly unravelling in my trust and when I feel a little uneasy, you have this uncanny way of reassuring me with your open heart and open mind, you see me, dear lover, you hear me dear lover and you embrace all of me… Dear Lover, how I love you.

You allow me to open my yearning heart and yield to its cravings. The delicious ways you open me to universal love is incredibly revealing and raw, it’s who I am and who I have always desired to be but have never achieved entirely on my own…

It’s only in our intimate relations with another that we really see ourselves, this I’ve discovered with you my love - In our reflection we discover who we really are and my blessing today with you, dear lover, is how much I love and adore you, how much I admire your courage to love so openly and honestly, how willing you are to discover the depth of feeling and experience true, unconditional love can bring.

I’m eternally grateful because the very way you love me brings me closer to me, my core, my growing love for me is your true gift.  Thank you dear lover for showing me the way home - to my own heart…. Oh how I crave…

Yours Real and Raw,

Janelle Manton

Top Secret Women’s Business

All rights reserved ©

Are you a Serial Casual Sex Fan?

It’s an age old question, probably more frequently asked now with the last few generations with women coming out of the kitchen and breaking free of the conformity that comes with a traditional female role…

When is the right time to decide to have sex with a man and know without a doubt, he respects you enough to call you the next day?

So you’re dating, just met a contender and that complex question raises its head…. Intimacy is meant to be easy, right?

Traditionally we would make him wait (sometimes even till we marry) and make him work for it, wait till he deserves your body and the opportunity to be intimate with you… These days women have the right to do as they please, as men have for centuries and lots of women do what they want without weighing up the consequences.  But if you are waiting for him to call the next day after taking him home, you might want to brace yourself.

I’ve done lots of research on this subject (and it’s not always been fun). I’ve also experienced heart ache trying to figure out why he didn’t call me.  We had been getting along brilliantly, we had chemistry, connection and now after the deed is done, no call! Why? As archaic as it seems, men still love the chase and they are particularly attracted to women who they can’t have - right away…

If a man is really into you, he’ll be happy to get to know you and wait for you. Remember the book, ‘He’s not that into you’? It may be time for a re-read.

So if you really like a guy and want to spend quality time with him in the future, don’t sleep with him till you have bonded in other ways. Until he has an emotional connection with you and wants all of who you are, he is most likely to not respect your decision to go all the way.  Why? Because they don’t have to! If sex is an emotionaless experience, it’s easier for them to walk away.  Most men think if you don’t value you by having sex with him straight away, then he doesn’t have to value you either.

Is this always the case? No, certainly not. There are lots of men who place value on the connection he has with a woman, regardless of how long they’ve known each other… But the truth is, they are few and far between. It’s challenging having a sacred experience with someone you’ve just met or have only been on one or two dates with, there is no real foundation from which to grow - besides the physical… And that isn’t always a good start, it’s often not enough to sustain a loving relationship.

You might think as a woman you are quite capable of having a one night stand or a casual fling without getting emotionally attached and that may be so….

But how long do you really think you can go without emotional fulfilment when you are an emotional being?

If you are a serial casual sex fan then be really honest with yourself, the truth for most women is it is a temporary, quick fix and a bandaid for a greater problem, a denial or detachment… usually from your heart. Serial sex fans pretend it doesn’t matter when the guy doesn’t call the next day, when it really does matter!  Some women deny themselves by playing an even bigger game, that of the predator… ‘I wanted him, so I went and had him, I’m in control here’… No wonder we are being called Cougars and Puma’s! the tragedy is women are lying to themself.

This predatory behaviour and attitude is a big fat lie. Sadly it’s even more tragic when it’s a lie to yourself and a deep reflection of denial and rejection of self worth. Women are not predators by nature, we are gatherers.  We have no primal instinct to hunt, so only a woman deep in her masculine energy goes out hunting…

And does a man want to stay with a woman that competes with him energetically? NO, he does not (obviously rare cases exist of the successful one night stand but that is another story)…  Men are attracted to a woman who lets him be the hunter - a man.  When a man is fully in his masculine and she is fully in her feminine, this is when the polarities of energy are most opposite and most likely to hold an attraction charge.

So, to have sex or not? Do you wait for Mr Right or enjoy Mr Right now? I always advise my clients to seek the answers within as to what is the best for you, as a woman.  Each woman is in a different space, some are single and exploring their sexual nature, while others are still exploring but have the luxury of doing that exploration with a loved one.

The keys to remember when deciding are;

• Tune into the reasons you want to have sex, are they the right reasons to share your body?
• Are you valuing yourself in this situation and does he value you as much?
• Are you getting a quick fix for what might otherwise be lonliness or fear of real connection?
• Are you totally loving you by sharing your most sacred part of you?
• Are you using your predatory skills and the facade of ‘I’m in control’ as a mask?
• Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable so you can experience real emotions or are you somewhat guarded?
• Does he have expectations that he’s going to get you naked before he puts in the ground work?

There is a distinct difference between having a sacred sexual experience with a friend and having an ‘in out, in out’ experience with a near stranger. When you are with a friend and enjoy a deeply moving tantric experience that comes from your heart, you know you are safe.  You can have an experience like that and enjoy no expectations and a very loving and memorable time and walk away feeling respected - Because you connected on a deeper level…

It’s when you as a woman, allow a near stranger to have your body (even if you think you are in charge) for next to nothing and expect a different outcome that the problems really lie…

Sharing your body may seem easier at times than sharing your heart but the long term consequences can be devastating to your self esteem and self worth.  Sex is a sacred act and if you are deciding to ‘have a little fun’, at least choose a worthy opponent. Anything less than an honourable man is giving away your most treasured possession… You!

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

Director

Top Secret Women’s Business

Are you a Fashion Fake?

I recently wrote an article about the Power of Glamour check it out: http://www.theauthenticrelationship.com/sensuality/powerfully-glamorous/ ) and the keys to being so gorgeous on the inside and out you become a power house of confidence and self esteem.  I mean if you are glammed up, you feel hot and feel so much better about yourself, we all do, right?

Most women have experienced the stifling negativity a bad hair day can create and most women can imagine a night of wearing hot red boots with a fur coat and how absolutely incredible you’d feel, Yes?

The power of fashion and how it makes women feel is fascinating, alluring and is something to consider when it comes to how you are perceived by others and how you honestly feel about yourself….. Let’s explore the world of fashion and whether you are hiding behind it’s facade.

The difference between the spunky warm feeling of inner confidence and self esteem and being a fashion diva who’s life revolves around fashion at the expense of being unauthentic is extreme and even dangerous to your emotional health.  If you are wearing labels so obsessively that they define you, then listen up because this article is for you.

I knew a woman once who was so defined by her Tiffany jewels, her country road everything and her other designs that even after 4 years of friendship, I never really knew ‘her’.  I’m pretty sure we all know someone like this…  Everything she did revolved around being seen as something of a mogul and super success because she wore all the right things - on the outside, her life looked perfect as she was ’seen’ in all the right places.  She judged others success by their lack of labels, glitter and gold and spoke often of what others did not have, I was one of these women who lacked the cool clothes…

And every now and then after a few drinks, her defences wore down, her inhibitions revealed a scared and lonely woman who craved love and acceptance, she feared rejection and dared not let anyone too close.  Our nights always ended in tears of fears.

What I saw was a woman who hid behind her fashion perfection and used it as a false facade of confidence, bravery and success.  Now don’t get me wrong, she was very successful but what she didn’t reveal were hidden insecurities and low self esteem wrapped up in a Country Road sweater, pants and boots, we rarely glimpsed the real beauty of this gorgeous woman. Instead she missed out on some amazingly close and loyal friendships because she wouldn’t let anyone in for fear they’d see her vulnerabilities… Any real friend who embrace her anyway, right?

The sad thing is that so many women hide behind their material possessions instead of being Real and Raw so much so, their possessions define them. How many women do you know who fail to reveal their true vulnerable nature, the woman they really are in leiu of fashion fixes?

Can you proudly wear the label of your choice and know without a doubt you are being real and raw? I mean ‘this is me, this is who I am’ kind of authenticity?

Real authenticity comes with embracing your sacred feminine self, it’s when you realise and love all of who you are, bad hair day and all and never edit who you are for anyone.  Real and raw is a continuous expression of self love in all you do, saying it as you feel it, speaking your truth, living life as you alone desire, making your own rules and letting the light of the goddess you are shine through those beautifully deep eyes. You are vulnerable and wear your heart for all to see because you realise there is nothing more beautiful than you being you…  There is little more precious in the world than a woman who is sovereign to her own divinity.

Mia Freedman is such a woman… Check out her site: http://www.mamamia.com.au/

When it comes to clothes and wearing yummy things that make us feel good, wear them with pride but remember who you really are. You are not a label… You are a magical being of light and love who has so much more to offer the world than something pretty to look at. Dare to reveal the real you under the facade of delicious clothing and be your glamorous self,  however you express your true nature.

3 Tips for Being Authentic & Fashionable

1)  Dare to show up as yourself, when you don’t really feel like making an effort, don’t. Show those around you who you really are without makeup and coordinated clothing. I don’t mean being a dag to the point of embarassing but I do mean it’s not always a fashion contest and you showing up as you are, gives those permission to do the same.

2)  Check in with yourself… Do you have to have your ‘look’ perfect before you leave the house? If so, check in with yourself as to why this is the case. If any of the reasons fall into the category of ‘being worried about what others think’, you could be a slave to fashion and hiding something very precious… The Real You!

3)  If you always look good and know you don’t have a problem with being authentic, revealing yourself, your true nature and you stand tall, then own that sister, you can lead the way for other women to follow… You are divine. Be sure to love and honour yourself often.

Please know that I am always here to help. If there is even a little part of you that you know is hiding behind materialism and fighting fears to be yourself, then please make an appointment to speak to me. The world deserves to see you for who you really are.

It takes a lot more time and effort being a fashion fake as opposed to being yourself and showing up as you feel… Just remember that when you are deliberating what to wear.

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

How to Cultivate Goddess Grace

Grace is being fully aware of your body, its movements, its capabilities and actions at all times. It’s how you hold yourself, speak, react, honor and value who you are.  Being graceful is an ‘awareness feeling’ being executed all the time… It’s flowing and gentle, soft and fluid, feminine…

Here are many ways you can cultivate your own Gracefulness;

• Become more fully aware and accepting of your body and it’s movements at all times, stand tall, hold your head high and walk with purpose
• Remember grace is nonverbal and verbal and the words you speak can have graceful qualities, choose your words carefully with meaning and truth, grace comes from your heart
• Look often with love at your body and appreciate the beauty of your feminine vessel. Everything about your body is a gift from the gods, love it as you deserve
• Exercise and develop your core strength, eat well and rest appropriately for energy. Breath deeply and do daily stretching, a limber body is more fluid and feminine
• Know thyself… Listen to your inner voice, the one of intuition and learn to follow your own guidance, trust the woman within
• Dance often. Either take classes or dance often at home, mastering your body movements is an essential part of having grace and poise naturally
• Groom appropriately, delicately and take due care of your skin and nails by using quality chemical free cosmetics
• Wearing flowing feminine clothes and shoes that fit comfortably always makes you feel elegant and graceful. Take that feeling of flow with you no matter what you are wearing
• Surround yourself with graceful things, nature, plants, fish, waterfalls, home wares, food, bath products, friends and people…

Remember beautiful goddess, true beauty comes from within, so feeling like a womanly Goddess or siren is only a state of mind but one that can be enhanced with a little external help and practice.

Winning affections is simple but it has to start with yourself - winning your own affection and totally loving what you see, hear and feel about the woman you are… External affections will follow quite naturally once you have self love sorted, I promise.

Every woman deserves to reveal the Heavenly Graceful Goddess within… Try these few simple tips and please, gorgeous one, share your thoughts and tips with us here… I love hearing from you x

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

Are you a Real & Raw Goddess?

When I think about being Real and Raw, I think of a woman walking down the road - we’ve all seen her… Perhaps she not really even that traditionally ‘pretty’ or incredibly well dressed or that fit and toned but oh my Goddess, I’ll never forget the look in her eyes… The look that says, “I know who I am and I’m not afraid to show it!”  Her eyes have it hidden for only those really looking to see…

The Real and Raw woman is as authentic with her words as she is her heart. She is gorgeous beyond belief but ONLY because she believes in her own inner beauty, strength and confidence. She is true to her word, reliable and respectful and maintains high values for herself and those around her… She is as solid as she is soft.

The Goddess who is Real and Raw is open and fearless about her vulnerabilities, easy to surrender but not easy; she understands the art of intimacy and has an insatiable thirst for depth, connection and real relationships… She is as open minded as she is worthy of knowledge.

The Real and Raw she wolf is a self validated woman who is an example of truth and honesty and her communication skills are second to none, especially when it comes to her heart’s desire, her needs and wants.  She is hungry for more out of life, stands tall and happily on the shoulders of those who went before her… Her head held high, her grace and poise oozing from her… She is as sexy as she is successful.

The Goddess who is Real and Raw has depth of character and is completely at home with who she is, who she wants to be more of and where she is at in life… She is grateful for the past; lives right here, right now and looks to the future with clarity, ambition and a sense of abundance… She is as rich in her heart as she is rich in spirit.

This woman is grounded, energetically - an enigma, spirited and spiritual, she is a woman of faith, even if it’s faith in herself, she knows this is enough to back her in life. The Goddess is intuitive and sees herself in others.  She is a work of art, a work in progress and will never profess to know it all. She is as perfect as she is imperfect and that is perfect…

This lady will stand tall and proud and move swiftly forward as she continues to nurture the needs of many, a natural born contributor, a giver and a teacher.

This Real and Raw woman comes in many shapes and sizes, many different ages, colours and tones from many different cultures. She is in all of us, and always has been… The Real and Raw Goddess in you will reveal herself, as soon as you give her permission to be unleashed, as soon as you allow your wild woman out to play…. Then you may glimpse the rhythmic dancing of your own Real and Raw Goddess in motion…

Is this you? If not, then when? I can’t wait for you to come and play with us.

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

Sex Sells

We all know how prolific sex is in the media, it’s everywhere you look there is either a half naked  skinny, big breasted woman with too perfect hair selling something…  cars, soft drinks, music, clothes, cosmetics, accessories - And that is just the start of it.  Even music clips need to be censored these days - anything from the teen sensation The Veronicas getting it on together in their clips to Beyonce wiggling her very gorgeous ass around is selling sex. I don’t need to remind you of how much of a uproar Cher caused when she decided to ‘Turn back time’ in her unforgettable ‘duct tape’ outfit whilst riding a cannon…. Argh! But we all still watched in amazement of some kind, right?

Advertisers know they are selling to both men and women when it comes to the sexy images they portray and they also know it works but are we as consumers really that gullible?  Or is there something far more important going on that we have yet to GET before this kind of advertising stops insulting our intelligence and sexualising our children?

The fact of the matter is that Sex Sells, it always has and most likely, always will!

What I find most interesting is what our perception of sexy really is.  For the majority of men it’s not big breasted, blond bombshells wearing short skirts (like most women also think).  Most people like to look at that kind of sexy (perhaps out of intrigue) but do not take it seriously. Why? Because we want more, men want more from women and women want more from themselves (and their men).  Succumbing to ‘cheap sexy’ (the kind that reveals too much skin) does not value the person for whom they really are inside, in fact, it sells them short by a long shot and insults their intelligence.

When surveyed by Top Secret Women’s Business, the majority of men said that confidence and curves are what they found most sexy about a woman… It was how they carried themself and really felt about themself on the inside that they found most appealing about a woman.  So why are we still accepting the media’s version of sexy when what we know to be REALLY AUTHENTICALLY SEXY comes from within? Time to ditch the discriminating sexist magazine advertising and glossies and make room for what really counts - How you really see and feel about yourself, because only then will advertiser ease up on perceiving sexy any other way.

This article is about how to really sell sex, the kind that keeps your ass covered and your breasts put away so you to get anything you want - with your integrity intact and your personal power restored.  You might even become a more media savvy person as a result - by not buying into the cheap thrill of boobs and bouncing hair. You will realise that sexy is not anything that is external but quite the opposite, sexy is a state of mind, a belief, a feeling, an undeniable strength, energy that you can cultivate at anytime, once you know how…

It means that anyone can be sexy at any size, shape, height, hair colour because sexy comes from within - at any time of the day. Sexy is a state of mind and quickly translates to innate confidence and self worth when you take the promise of sex out of it.

So how do you sell your own brand of sexy and become Mistress of your own Universe, get more of what you deserve and everything you expect?

It’s easy; you do it by cultivating your very own ‘Grrr…Factor’. Grrr factor is not too different from ‘X Factor’ but it’s more about what is on the inside. Grrr is spunk, confidence, self worth, an innate sense of knowing you are on top of your game, the solid sense of being totally in love with yourself and that little sparkle in your eye - the kind that lets people know you are deeply sexy - from the inside out.  It’s in your walk, your grace and poise, how you hold your head and the deep alluring look in your eyes…

A deep inner sense of sexy is revealed externally as confidence, if you know you are sexy, confidence comes easy and so will that job of your dreams, the career path you desire, the relationship you dream about and all the things in between that really matter. So let’s look at ways you can feel more sexy and powerful.

So here are 7 secrets to begin to cultivate your Grrr Factor;

• Get rid of your magazines - especially the ones that do not serve YOU, stop buying them (put the money in an interesting bearing fund like ING instead), not only will you increase your wealth but you will be less influenced by others perception of beauty and perfection and start to develop your own sense of style and character less the external influences
• Turn your TV off (or sell your TV), minimise your News viewing (because it’s all doom and gloom and can dampen anyone’s mood)
• Now you’ve minimised the media bombardment, you can start getting more in touch with YOU and just being you, get Real and Raw. Every woman knows there is more to them than meets the eye, be prepared to be more open and more revealing of the inner you - by simply deciding that is what you want. Hang out with like minded women who support you
• Ask yourself up to 50 times a day, “Am I being a real woman right now?” Display elegance, poise, grace, softness and posture when possible - when you shift your physiology, you can shift your mindset too - so no more slouching, hold your head up high honey and be proud, practice in your mirror at home
• Pimp up your wardrobe with some colour, frills, florals, dresses and accessories - anything feminine that spells class and style (ok you may want to omit the floral suggestion). Dare to dress yourself up so you feel great every day, remember you don’t have to let your breasts out to play to feel sexy - True sexiness comes from within
• Move more - exercise releases feel good endorphins into your body and are great for stress relief and making you feel on top of it… So start moving more, take the stairs, go for walks, Do some in home classes (Zumba is fantastic), bike ride, gym, yoga…Anything that gets you moving…
• Be creative and expressive - Your femininity needs a creative outlet. In order to really nestle into your sexy mindset, discover a way you can express yourself and your emotions… Write, paint, do pottery, dance, sing, meditate. Whatever you do, make it an expression of your femininity so you can cultivate even more Grrr.

So here is the juice of it ladies… You don’t have to be the prettiest, smallest, youngest or best dressed to get what you want… All you need to do is believe in yourself… That kind of sexy can sell you into the career of your dreams, the relationship you’ve always wanted, or the team you’ve always wanted to join, anything in fact. Why? Because your Grrr Factor is about you and your innate confidence, your control and internal power and no one can take that from you and that my friends is dead sexy.

So does sex sell? Yes it does and it doesn’t seem to be changing anytime soon (even in spite of the relentless efforts of the many anti sexist and anti discrimination campaigns running), so best you get  the band wagon - In a Top Secret kind of way… By discovering how you can cultivate you own brand of sexy that has you shining and feeling confident from the inside out. It’s only then when we change our overall perception of what sexy really is that anything in the media will change because only then will we stop buying into their perceptions of cheap sexy.

Are women disadvantaged if they don’t look like a glossy magazine cover? No way, sexy comes from within - it’s something you have inside you, every woman is sexy… Just ask me how you can identify your own sexy style that is what I do.

Is there an easy way I can feel deeply sexy and more confident? Yes indeed, especially through Top Secret Women’s Business… We have a Goddess Academy Retreat coming up in July and you can be one of the few women who are selected to attend - You will transform your life, I promise… Ask me how and save over $500 on your weekend tuition.

Also, check out my signature Audio program Cultivating the GRRR… Factor (only $35) - it could be the ticket you need to get started or rejuvenate your own sexy brand.  And take a look at the dates for The Goddess Academy - every woman should attend this weekend away, you need it…

I am here to help and Top Secret Women’s Business fully supports every woman’s personal journey toward being the Goddess you were born to be.

Yours Real and Raw

Sex and Emotional Attachment

Can women have sex with a man and not get emotionally involved?  And when is the right time to have sex with someone you meet…? Is there a right time? 

Are women really capable of detaching from our emotional nature in order to have a short term win in the form of a one night stand or a ‘friends with benefits’ kind of relationship without getting involved?

And does any woman reallyhave sex for the sake of having sex and getting off or are there deeper needs she is  trying to fulfill?

Emotional attachment is an inevitable and most likely outcome for women after sex as it is simply part of their nature. We are emotional beings, we feel and therefore we are.  I read somewhere not so long ago that women tend to become emotionally connected for up to three weeks after a sexual encounter. When I thought about the reasons why that specific amount of time,  I reasoned, 21 days to create a habit, 21 days to break one… Well I don’t actually agree with that statement for many reasons. The first one being, I believe you can break a habit immediately if you choose to and while it could take 21 days to create a habit, when it comes to sleeping with someone, well, that could only take 21 minutes.

Most importantly, the thing we need to remember is that women are emotional animals and yes, we are animals after all (let’s not forget that).  Men on the other hand (whilst still animals…. grrr) have a different instinct to us girls…. A genetic predisposition to procreate and get as much practise in spreading their seed as possible… It’s what keeps the world populated.  But unlike us girls, they can ‘do it’ without the emotional attachment, yes, that means wham bam thank you mamm! 

But the question is, can women do the same thing without getting emotionally attached?

Are women truly capable of the kind of freedom that allows us to be sexually active without emotional attachment?

One of my long time friends, is the most gorgeous and enigmatic, energetic woman, open and free, well spoken, well put together, successful, confident and newly separated.  She was married for nearly 7 years and is now finding herself for the first time perhaps in years.  She looks and breathes confidence and regularly hooks up with delicious men.  She says she just likes to F#&* and get out of there and is totally ok with nothing more…. But I beg to differ. I watch and listen very closely to her and notice times of self sabotaging behaviour, ridicule and moments where she beats herself up and is regretful (unbeknownst to her I see these things). Now she has never admitted she is lonely and wishes they’d call her, in fact, she blows off the ‘contact after sex’ and makes out she doesn’t want them to bother her but I suspect deep hurt at the underlying rejection that is really going on. Samantha says she is in control, but her non-actions might reflect the opposite view…

Another woman I know, admittedly loves sex, sleeps with whom ever she chooses, she is also confident but openly suffers the rejection and disappointment she feels after her ‘encounters’. She says she is has a great time, the best sex ever  with her conquests and then gets let down when they do not call to ask her out a second time.  I suspect her ‘good time gal’ attitude is more a cover up for what she really wants and is not getting. The connection she is getting from a casual encounter is a temporary relief for her lonely and frightened heart….. A tall diagnosis and it breaks my heart to see her in a constant state of pain.  Her emotional attachment is obvious and with great expectations that are continuously being unfulfilled…

So this is what I have become to think and know… As a coach, a single sexually active woman and a friend to many women - we are not totally capable of having a sex without getting emotionally involved to some degree….. So be careful who you choose to have sex with ladies! 

At the end of the day, no matter how tough and detached you think you are, you cannot lie to your natural instincts - you are an emotional being.  There are many factors to consider when having sex with someone and many reasons why a woman would choose to go ‘there’. You’ve got physical attraction and wanting to shag a man just because he is gorgeous, intellectual attraction and that feeling of familiarity or similarity - he mentally stimulates you, feelings of love and wanting to share an intimate part of you, an expression of your love for another, the physical need to feel sexual relief…

No matter what the reason you choose to have sex with someone, there are several facts that remain. When you have sex, you surrender yourself to that person, as a woman you become vulnerable and raw and you open yourself and your body up to a level of intimacy that you only ever share with yourself (when self ‘loving’). 

To share your body with another and expect that you will not be emotionally involved is really only lying to yourself. 

When I ask women what their thoughts are on the word vulnerability, most of them say it’s a sign of weakness or they don’t feel safe when they are vulnerable and the reality is, during sex, you are your most vulnerable, especially with your emotional self. 

So is a little temporary sexual relief and false moment of connection, really worth the sacrifice of your yearning heart and soul and the pain of suffering rejection?

And when the lucky guy does not call you after to tell you how fabulous you were, who then is in control?  Are you really valueing yourself when you give of your most intimate self so freely? 

How is being promiscuous with a near stranger giving yourself the gift of a well deserving partner who cherishes you? My educated best guess is, it’s not honouring you at all, not one single bit.

Every woman wants to feel love and connection, we need it for our very survival, that is one of the most common reasons why committed partners have affairs, to get their need for love and connection fulfilled.  I don’t buy into any woman who tells me she can sleep with a man and not feel a little hurt that he is not begging to see her again, or calling with gratitude and offers for dinner dates…

If she does tell me she’s ok about his lack of after connection, I’d have to say I don’t believe it and really consider what is going on deep within her soul. I’d bet there is a state of some kind of denial happening and deep underlying fears at play… Most people really want to be loved and to love someone in return, so when do you decide to share your body as well without the risk of not being completely and lovingly received?

So here is the deal ladies and gents that will keep all of your emotions intact and have you making the right decisions that nurture and respect the most important person in the world…. You:

• Guys, call her the next day no matter what (even if you don’t want to see her again, it doesn’t hurt to say thank you, you were fabulous).
• Be honest and clear about your intentions. Do you want to sleep with that person with a view of starting a relationship, do you want to relieve an aching body or do you need some loving connection…?
• If you feel bad after an encounter or there are awkward moments or feelings afterward, then maybe it was not the right thing to do… right?
• Don’t lie to yourself, be honest. If you’ve really connected with someone you’ve just met, then do you think sleeping with them right away is going to get you what you ‘really’ want in the long run? Make them wait, because you are worth it.
• Men like to hunt and women gather, remember to give him something to chase if you want to see him again.
• If you want a good time and are willing to risk the emotional attachment then remember to do a ‘Cutting of Energetic Ties’ process after… ASK ME HOW
• Understand that their are energetic connections being made when you share a sexual encounter, your energies combine as does your bodies. Be prepared for the effects and impact of this on your soul.
• Guys, be conscious of who you want to be energetically and emotionally attached to you (after sex). It’s as much your responsibility as it is a woman’s.
• Leave judgements aside, if you want to do it, just do it (and guys, don’t hold that against her) this could be the best thing that has ever happened to both of you.
• If you are a woman and you suspect a case of post sex emotional attachment, then reconsider the decision to do it… Perhaps it’s best to go home and self sauce…
• Don’t expect men to get emotionally involved with you after a one nighter, any expectations may leave you disappointed. Be firm and stabel with your decisions.
• Communicate thoroughly with your partner of your intentions and where you stand so no one has any nasty surprises that can be hurtful. Honesty is the best policy.
• Hold out for as long as you can. When you have sex after really getting to know someone, there is less likely to be any feelings of rejection, as you have developed trust and strong foundations that will support your intimacy together.
• Some women have been known to sleep with men in order to make them like them more (in the hope of a relationship developing) if this is you, get real, what are you doing? Relationships rarely ever develop after a one nighter, first night, it’s a fairytale. Stay away ladies and value you a little more.

 Men surveyed say they will take almost any opportunity to have sex that comes their way, but he will rarely have a relationship with a woman that puts out so easily. Can you believe that?  We all know it’s true, so why do women still torture themselves with the hope that a sexual encounter will win over a man’s affections?

 Or are women actually capable of having sex without attachment?

 What are your thoughts? Do you have a story to share that will shed some light and help others make the decision to do it or not? 

To have sex or not? To stay emotionally neutral or not, that is the question!  I’d love to hear from you…

With lovin

Janelle Manton

The Sweet Scent of Sensuality

There is much to be said about the uniqueness of a woman’s own brand of sensuality.  You’ve seen a woman like that before and I bet you weren’t sure what it was about her that made her attractive. Maybe she wasn’t traditionally pretty, but there was something luscious and innately confident about her that caught your eye.  Even other women notice a woman that owns who she is.  The sensual one is the one who holds her head high when she walks, she moves with grace and poise and has a depth and intensity about her that is so subtle it goes ‘almost’ unrecognised.

A sensual woman knows who she is and is open to sharing her opinion, her stories and herself, she is real and raw.  Her past is left in the past; she does not waste time on regret, but always learns from her experiences.  As a lover she is generous, saucy, obliging and knows how to make a man feel like a man.  Her soft femininity combined with her sense of knowing drives her man wild - and probably other men also.  She is a temptress, a minx, a cougar and a submissive little she wolf, all rolled into one. 

A sensual woman is acutely aware of her power and her sensuality is the very foundation of her being.  A smooth, smart contender, a sensual woman is a wild woman who runs with the wolves of desire and appeases her yearning heart because she values who she is and what she is forever becoming.  The most important person in the world to a sensual woman is herself.  She understands that everything in her life starts with her, her ability to take care of her own needs, first.  The she wolf knows the intricate nature of her writhing body and so surrenders to her lovers with ease and willingness, she is their teacher.  She trusts, loves and values herself and has no difficulty sharing her voice.   She is a Goddess, hidden in a jungle of office buildings, the one cleaning the house and preparing dinner for her family.  She often hides behind a veil of silver hair or corporate glasses, but she knows the truth of who she really is…

Being a sensual woman, one who ‘owns’ her sensuality and unique style takes some work.  It all starts with developing a loving relationship with yourself.  In order to comprehend this and understand the depth at which this goes, you have to let go of your past, the hurt, pain and blame and heal.  Owning and loving yourself can only be done when you take full responsibility for your life and understand that your ‘every experience up till now’ has shaped and moulded you into the gorgeous goddess you are today.  Once you have cleared the past and taken ownership of you, only then, can you develop your sensuality in the holistic natural way it was meant.

Sensuality involves gratifying all of your senses, becoming completely self aware and aware of your surroundings. It can be likened to living life in expanded awareness. You are completely absorbed in life, how it feel, the exotic aromas of the world, the touch and feel of every texture and taste that surrounds you every day.  Everything you do you do with volition, your  body movements, the way you flick your hair, the way you smile at a stranger walking by.  Your gateway to ‘being’ a sensual woman is self sexing. Make love to your own body. Understand what your desires are and fulfil them, know how far you will go to satiate your own needs and ground yourself with the secret knowledge of how sexy you really are.

The benefit to the rest of the world is enormous, especially to your loving partner.  When you start to bring sexy back into your life by developing your sensuality, you are suddenly more attractive to the opposite sex. Your partner will go nuts over you, his primal urges reigniting and kicking in. The polarity between you is clearer, more defined.  As your innate self confidence increases, your whole life will change. You could experience forward movement in your career, your relationships with family and friends will improve and your health more valued.  Your sex life will explode with new enthusiasm as you surrender to your lover with tender vulnerability because deep down, you know you are in control and standing in your power.

There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who owns her sensuality from the inside out.  I have surveyed many men regarding ‘what makes a woman most sexy to you’ and the most common answer is her confidence, her personality and her curves.  So, unlike what we may be lead to believe through the media, super skinny, pencil thin, blank expressionless gals are not very sexy at all.  If you want to seriously spice up your life, embrace your femininity and celebrate being a real woman, then it is high time you pimp up your sensual side and start living a rich and fulfilled life.

A woman is most powerful when she has sensuality as her foundation. (C)

Janelle Manton

Director and Founder

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