Passionate Girlfriends - The Keys to Lasting Real Friendships

A good friend will speak to you, even when she is getting a brazillian

This is dedicated to my girlfriends, you know who you are!

Yesterday I called a girlfriend for a chat, I really needed to hear her opinion on something I’d decided on. When I called I said, “hey hon, have you got a minute, I just want to run something by you”, she said sure. So off I went on my rant and shared all sides of the dilemma with her. At some stage she mentions she ‘just getting a brazillian now’ and continues to support me and my decision making process - all the while having hair ripped out of her body….

Now I don’t know if you have ever had a ‘Brazillian’ but they bloody hurt like hell and even under the extremes of pain, she was there for me, to hear me and support me… God I love her and that is why, to this day, she continues to be my friend after 27 years.

A good friend will always be there for you, no matter what is happening. She will support you, share her honest opinion and make you ‘pull you head in’, when you need that too.

There was a time just recently when my beautiful lover told me he wanted to be with me ‘forever’. Now me, being in the middle of my struggle to let go and allow vulnerability to reign, said in response, “there’s no such thing as forever, how about we just do this for as long as we can”… God I’m a dickhead!!!  I witnessed the immediate deflation of his enthusiasm and his energy withdrew, just like that. And then of course I tried to redeem myself with a rambling because I realised what I had done to his sense of romance and commitment to me… ouch!

Later, I told my girlfriend (the same one) what I had said in response to him (you see us girls do share our thoughts and happenings with our besties) and she gave me a royal kick up the arse… It went something like this “Jesus Janelle, you’ve waited so long for a man like him to come into your life, wake up to yourself, can’t you just let him love you, get the fuck out of your head and just allow yourself to be romanced and loved”!!!

WOW, had I been told… And of course, she was exactly right. It was exactly waht I needed to hear.  I didn’t need permission to be so incredibly in love or loved but I did need to let my guard down so I could experience the full enrapture of loves power and force. The guard or wall around my heart, I didn’t even know was there (well I did but it’s more easily recognised by others, perhaps it’s because of their own reflection)..

Anyway, it was a relief to knock down the wall and a conversation with my lover on my ‘findings’ had me allowing vulnerability and going with the flow of ‘forever’… Imagine that, forever in love! My relationship immediately benefited from my arse kicking, thanks to the courage of my girlfriend. Not only did she see what I was unwilling to see, she had the courage to tell me so. Blessed I say, blessed!

My point? A real girlfriend is the one who is not afraid to kick your ass and tell you to pull your head in. She is loyal and willing to risk the friendship in order to speak the truth. She is forgiving and accepting of all of you and tolerant of other things. She embraces your family, children and other friends (even if she doesn’t really like them that much), she respects your decisions even if she doesn’t understand them and does so without judgement.

The real girlfriends are the ones you can trust with your secrets, your ideas and your dreams. She holds sacred the ‘vault’ and honours what you have to offer as your own. She does not bend the rules of the vault you share.

A real girlfriend cries with you when you are grieving and then helps pull you out of it as best she can. She will ask you if you want a ’shoulder’ or advise and listens to you either way. She checks in on you when you’ve been silent and reminds you of the good times you’ve shared when you need a laugh. She shares her knowledge and memories of you with your children and reminds you of who you really are, where you’ve come from and where you are headed… She is a memory bank for those you leave behind.

She walks alongside you in the journey of life - giving and taking, sharing, laughing, enjoying good and bad times. She talks to you during a waxing session and jumps to the rescue when you are feeling down or wanting fun and myschief. She is willing to run to your side when you need a hand and laughs at you when you are being silly.

She is a member of your tribe, the community of women you hold sacred and close. She is essential. For a long time or a short time, good friends keep us alive and well and hold us accountable for being real, they leave their mark and provide us with lessons and learnings, they are priceless and precious.

Friendships you are passionate about energise you and give you freedom to be authentically you. They give you someone to love when there seems to be no love in your life but them.  They provide a reflection for you to see and experience ‘who you really are’. What you see in them is in some way, a reflection of how you see yourself, for that, we should be grateful and appreciate every moment.

If you have a special friend that you honour and respect, tell her today. If you have women in your life that you’d like to be closer to, do something for them and tell them you want a friendship with them, they want friendship too. If you have a friend you’ve not spoken to in a while, call her - she needs you. If you haven’t told your friend how much you love her in a while, tell her now. If it’s been like ‘forever’ since you got your girls together for some valuable ‘girl time’ do it now, every woman needs the support of the little tribe you have. If there is a woman who needs a little extra care and support right now - invite her into your tribe and care for her.

There is no reason on earth why a woman should ever feel alone or lonely. We are communal by nature, it’s in our primal nature to be in communities of other women…

What are you doing to nurture your tribe, your friendships, yourself?

I invite you to join Top Secret Women’s Business for any of our upcoming events so you can make new friends, join a growing tribe of like minded women and feel supported, loved and free- You may just enjoy a little fun along the way…

Cherish your girlfriends with insatiable passion and nurture your sacred feminine spirit as you do so…

Yours Real & Raw,

Janelle Manton

Director, Top Secret Women’s Business Pty. Ltd

All Rights Reserved 2011 ©

If you wish to repost this article, please do so only if you wish  to credit the author

3 Ways to Ignite your Passion

In a recent article I mentioned the key things that cause your passion to wain - Complacency, Not Knowing and Fear.

Complacency is when you slow down your efforts and enthusiasm, stop going the extra mile and we get very ‘comfortable’ with life in such a way it eventually becomes boring and we lose interest.  You might even say complacency is giving up… Giving up hope, your dreams, giving up caring…

Not Knowing what you are passionate about is also a major problem because if you’ve never really thought about it, how will you know what to get excited about?  When you figure out what it is that is your driving force, what lifts and elevates your spirit and juices you up, you can live your life with purpose and passion.

Most people who are living their life’s purpose are also living a passionate life and experience happiness, daily!

They love what they do, it doesn’t feel like work and they bounce out of bed daily to jump into it. Not knowing what you are passionate about can leave you feeling flat, lost, stuck and on the treadmill of life…

Fear is completely immobilising but always present for everyone. The difference is when we let fear rule our life very little changes. Fear of what people think, fear of consequences, rejection, failure, fear of the unknown, fear of looking silly in front of your peers… Fear is a killer of passion and will stifle even the most driven people should it be allowed to take over. Kick fear in the butt and do it anyway is what passionate people do!

It’s important to know what kills passion so we can eliminate what stops you from living a full and passionate life.  As I’ve mentioned any times, passion is a driving force, it energises you and gets things done. Someone who is passionate is alluring and confident as they are fearless in going after their dreams. Passion makes you a better lover and able to surrender to the yearnings of your heart. Passion fills you with hope and purpose, excitement and delirious fun filled energy…

So the golden question is -

How do you ignite you passion and get more of what you want in life?

How does passion really help?

Let’s explore the top 3 things you can do o ignite your passions so you can get more done and start producing the results in life you really want!!!!

No 1. Know what you want and understand what it is that fulfils you and what juices you up. When you can spend some time working out exactly what it is you want from life, work, your relationships and YOURSELF you can clearly get passionate about it. A life of purpose is a lifetime of doing what you love, there is no such thing as work when you love what you are doing and ‘who’ you are doing.  So spend some time brainstorming and start narrowing your focus to what you really want.

A great exercise to do at home is to write a simple list of all the things you   want to do, be and have and concentrate your efforts on the few things that         really get you excited.

No 2. Take a spoon full of Courage and do it anyway, regardless of how fearful you feel!  The most important thing is to eliminate fear, simple kick it in the butt and do what you love anyway. So long as you have the greater good in mind and your choices do not negatively impact others (including yourself), then you are on the right track.

A lion’s share of Courage can do wonders for your confidence, your results and the experience you enjoy.  If you find fear prevents you from giving life your best shot then consider it part of the process - Feel the Fear and do it anyway. You’ll find that the fear was unwarranted and not real anyway.

If you have a debilitating fear and need help overcoming it, then ask for help, be willing to live outside the box and take control. You can call me; part of my Passion Pop Experiences is eliminating fear processes so you can get the full ‘pop’ and get on with it - full of passion.

No 3. Take engaged, creative Action. I hate the word action as it seems to minimise what it really takes to do the stuff that truly counts and makes a difference.  Engaged, creative action means to be fully attentive and meaningful in everything you do, think about what you can do differently to make life exciting and full of passion?.

Be mindful of the consequences and what you are creating. DO with purpose and intention. Engaged action is what it takes to maintain passion. If you are just doing the actions it takes to get something done without being mindful, then it’s very easy for those actions to turn into complacency - feeling stuck and on the treadmill of life. So use your imagination and be engaged in the process and take creative engaged actions toward what you want.

An example of this is in your personal relationships you might discover what actions really turn on your partner, so it becomes the thing to do. While it     action started out exciting your lack of creativity and variety causes that action to now be ordinary. Complacency and lack of imagination make your sex life   boring and a lack of interest results = less love making ad boredom… I know that example is a little extreme but you get the picture. Be adventurous and use your imagination!

By eliminating fear, knowing what you want to get passionate about and taking the appropriate actions toward what you want you can easily live with passion and get excited about what you are doing and who you are spending your time with.

Getting passionate about your life can eliminate all kinds of ‘ills’ including depression, loneliness, confusion, desperation, boredom and frustration (to name a few). Think about it for a moment… If you are passionate about what you are doing in your life, career, relationships, with your health, you self, then how does something like depression live in such an environment? How can desperation and boredom exist? If you are passionate and getting out and about ‘doing’ then being lonely is a thing of the past, you’d be meeting people and engaging in life. You’d be genuinely interested in what you are doing and who you are meeting.

When the statistics for men and women suffering from ‘depression’ are so high, there has to be an easy solution to eliminating this modern dis-ease and feeling happy about life once again, right?

I don’t promise a cure because ultimately it’s up to you to decide to change, what I can promise is clarity, solutions and results. Invest in a Passion Pop Experience with me and discover a whole new life full of passion and purpose.

A Passion Pop Experience is great for anyone at a cross-road in life and wants clarity in which direction to take. If you are feeling frustrated in your career, your relationships, have never really ‘allowed’ yourself the freedom of feeling the full expression of your passionate self, then this 1.5 hour session could be just what you need to set yourself free, once and for all!

Book in with me directly by emailing janelle@topsecretwomensbusiness.com your session includes 1.5 hours of experiential passion popping processes to ignite your life and set you on the right path… toward your bright and fulfilling future!

Love your life, because you are worth it!!!

Yours Real & Raw,

Janelle Manton

Director

TSWB All rights Reserved 2011 ©

Top 3 Passion Killers

There are times in life when not a lot in life seems overly exciting. The couch seems like the better option than standing up to exercise, eating takeaway is easier than making food that is healthy and nutritious.

Your relationship hit a critical mass ‘breakdown’ - neither party is willing to spice things up or talk about real issues, sex is a chore (what the?), housework is even worse and putting any imagination into your life ‘together’ seems futile.

The kids are bored and fighting, work is a burden of dreary ‘good for nothing’ means to an end unmentionables and even your social life fails to excite you… Kill me slowly….

What is going on? Where have the days of loving your life gone?  You used to love your work, now it’s a mundane time consuming pay check.  Your partner used to excite the fuck out of you, literally, now the sight of them makes you want to run for the hills or roll over (even if it’s a temporary ailment, it still occasionally happens) and the thought of excercising and loving your body, increasing your energy and being pumped by life is only something those crazed personal trainers enjoy…

Adventure is out of the question, I mean what is this adventure you speak of anyway? Adventure is for kids, NOT!!!!!!

I could go on here but you get the picture….

The worst part is, even if this ugly picture does not apply to you, there is a little bit of it in all of us, at different times in our life, times when our passion and vavavoom for life has simply melted away…  It’s the stuck state you hate, the treadmill that you want OFF! Well it doesn’t have to last forever…

So what happens, does passion just get up and walk out on us in our time of need?

What stops us from maintaining our passion and lust for the things that are most important to us?

The top 3 Passion killers are:

No1. Killer of passion is COMPLACENCY… When you take your eye off the prize, your eye off the target and stop putting in any effort, complacency kicks in. We get a little too comfortable, a little lazy perhaps, can’t be bothered and seise all passion increasing activities.  When you stop making an effort life starts to resemble a treadmill of monoteny, it’s the same, day in day out and your arch enemy COMPLACENCY thrives in such environments.

No2. Killer of passion is ‘NOT KNOWING’ what you are passionate about. If you have nothing to be passionate about - like a career you love, a partner you adore, a body that excites you, friends who inspire you, hobbies that motivate you, then it may be time to make some decisions and gain some clarity about what you would like to be passionate about instead of maintaining the current status quo. You’ve settled for ‘what is’ instead of deciding what you really want and then going after it. Not knowing can also indicate an unwillingness to explore what is possible. To this I would say, isn’t it time do dare to do something that actually excites you?

No3. Killer of passion is FEAR, fear of getting outside the box and daring to do it, ‘life’ that is. Quite often you are ruled by fear and it’s debilitating claws that you dare not do anything different for fear of the consequences. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being abandon, judged, fear of being broke, fear of what people think…. Sound familiar? Fear has a strong hold over us for many reasons and the fear mongering world we live in only serves to generate more fear…

There are many different reasons why passion can melt - health problems, significant trauma, events of the past that are unresolved, social stigma to name a few more, perhaps you never had it to start with?

In any case, all of these can be healed, repaired, ignited and put back on track with the right help. You can break free of the chains that bind you, you can crack complacency and overcome your fears, you can ignite and discover your passions, I’ll show you how, all you have to do is decide it’s something you need right now.

Passion is for everyone to enjoy, it’s only fair that you enjoy every aspect of your life and live like each day is your last. It’s makes common sense to let go of a past that doesn’t even exist anymore and get on with living a full and over flowing life, but are you?

It makes total sense to do what you love and love who you ‘do’ with absolute crazy passion… Passion makes you feel powerful and if you feel it, guess what, you are powerful.  Passion makes you feel energised, enlivened and enthusiastic. Are you getting enough?

Anything less than you living your life passionately, isn’t you being your full and vibrant, loving and amazing self, isn’t it?  Why would you compromise who you really are?

What can you do today that puts a little more passion back into your life?

What do you need to ‘move away from’ in order to get what you want?

What lengths are you willing to go, to discover what your passions really are?

How would your relationship improve if you popped a little more passion into it?

Ready to breakthrough some boundaries and totally pop with Passion? I can help, all you need to do is say, BOOK ME IN!

Join me (over skype) for a ‘Passion Pop Experience’, it’s a specific way of experiencing a pop into being more passionate in all areas of your life. I will take you on an experiential journey into new territory, so you can feel free to LOVE YOUR LIFE with PASSION!

You will pop through the glass ceiling that currently stops you from feeling the love (in any area of your life). Come Pop with me. Sessions are 1.5 hours and $295AUD Email me you interest and I will schedule your appointment.

Sometimes changing your life is a simple as a POP in your imagination….

Yours Real & Raw,

Janelle Manton

TSWB (C) All Rights Reserved 2011

The Silence is Deafening!

It’s in the silence… I found myself amidst the consistent, nagging tunes of George Michaels ‘Amazing’ even when the blackness came and there was nothing else, the words were there still in the deep recesses of my mind… do do do do, I think your amazing… and after 3 whole days of this constant banter, on the fourth day, I found the depths of my spirit, peacefully waiting my return home…

I spent my Christmas break and new year celebration in the silence of my mind, alone, along with about 70 other dedicated meditators… Vipassana was a holiday from my life and I welcomed the time of silence, ten whole days of it!

Leading up to Vipassana, there was chaos of gigantic proportions, financial concerns that created massive worry, uncertainty, anger and fear. My family life was in upheaval with arguments taht seemed to grow in size each time, my relationship turned from beautiful to dependence which was out of my control (so it seemed)…. I’m sure my friends were sick of me winging and seeing me so low, so I retreated and withdrew… My business which I love so much was slowing down for the year and was desperately hating life, getting up off the couch was difficult enough… But to add to it all, I had let my health slide, taking up bad habits to excess, putting on weight and not valuing my body enough to not poison it!

I’d been thinking about attending Vipassana for a while. The first time I thought about it was when I had a broken leg, a great time of reflection, but I was advised that the physical aspect of meditating and long hours of sitting would be a challenge, and so, like a lot of things, I put it on the back burner… for 5 years!

I thought not talking would be the difficult part seems as though I never shut up, I always contribute and have no problem giving my opinion… But by the time I got there, I couldn’t wait for the noise to shut the fuck up! I’d had enough. My mind was constantly reminding me of what I did not have,  jabs at how lazy and fat I am, always letting me know my business was not successful enough, that I was not enough… I had literally become sick of hearing it and was on my way to breaking point.  My world seemed to be crashing down upon me like an abyss of nothingness.

I don’t know if I the only one who has ever felt like that, but I can say, I don’t ever want to go back there again… The abuse was indeed deafening me and slowly killing my spirit, me! I arrived at Vipassana retreat centre in Pomona a desperate woman, ready to do whatever it took to snap out of my misery and into a new, fresh, clean start…

The first 3 days were extraordinary, so much noise in my head, so much abuse and negativity, I thought it would never end. I went to the teacher in an almost crazed state because I just couldn’t get George Michael out of my head, I couldn’t stop worrying about what was and what was not in my life!  In fact, my headaches were extreme migraines of release. Poisons being released, negative thoughts and emotions… letting go, surrendering to the peace that is below and beyond…..

Our teacher patiently taught me how to shift my focus and to have faith, very little instruction, fewer words… Once again, trusting and having faith was my lesson. On day 4 I got it…. Like the best drug I’ve ever had, there was nothing like it! Quiet! Peace! Finally…

During my afternoon meditation, the dark stillness finally came, utopia of the mind was felt, the subtle vibration of my entire being experienced in bliss, equanomous with nature, no boundaries, infinite and expanding like the universe itself, I am the universe!. Total resolution.

In that moment I understood who I really am. I am no different to you, we are all the same, I am more than enough, I am extraordinary and a miracle. A vibration of pure energy, a single atom of consciousness expanded into a being of light and love…

But it was only an experience. Like most things in life, it was only that, one moment of pure experience, nothing to be craved or sought after, nothing to get addicted to, just enjoyed in the present moment. Nothing more, nothing less…. To crave it would only cause more misery.

Day 6 was my hardest day as I settled into a rythym and understanding of why I was there.  I had left the chaos of home and life to find peace and self love and most importantly, a way of coping with the mess that I thought was life outside… In the middle of my morning mediation, amongst my 70 odd fellow meditators I started to cry…

I don’t know if it was fear of returning home that started the giant flood or how happy I was to be there, whatever it was, was far less important than just observing without question and letting my tears flow… And flow they did… All the way down to my belly button, ironically to the place I once drew my life force energy from… The final surrender to pure bliss emptied my heart as it left, making room for the miracle of unconditional love and understanding….

And so went the following days… the days turned into night and the night into day. Meditation, meditation, meditation. Quiet surrender with an understanding of nature, observation of all that is, from a spider spinning its web, pain and joy, to the slight and subtle vibration of my spirits energy… deliverance from misery, the slow journey of elimination of negativity at the very core of its conception… The rebirth of true understanding embraced, the silence, a gift to myself I will always cherish and nurture…

Ten days of silent reflection and observation, zero communication with anyone but myself, over 100 hours of sitting meditation, 4.15am starts… Just myself, complete solitude and in those cherished days, I discovered the secrets to eternal peace and abundance, discipline and vigilance… Of which I am bound to be successful!

I discovered the calm that is really who I am and regained control of my life. I developed and embraced a new way of being and truly understand the importance and what it takes to have balance in my life, to put myself first… But most importantly, I uncovered the blessing of slowing down, doing things in my own time with discipline, simplifying my life and eliminating expectations that disappoint…

Living in the present with mindfulness and calm is who I am. Observing instead of irrational reaction is who I am. Loving unconditionally with understanding and compassion in my heart is who I am… Being a Goddess and embracing what I do is who I am…

There is not greater gift to give yourself, than the gift of silence… Anything less than that is deafening!

If you would like to find out more, please email me. If you are interseted in one on one coaching with me, again, please email me - I am here to be of service! xxx

Yours Real & Raw,

Janelle Manton

admin@topsecretwomensbusiness.com

Top Secret Women’s Business All Rights Reserved (C) 2011

Alcohol and Intimacy are not Friends!

I loved my husband so much, we were close, happy and had a great time in our ten years of marriage… In the early days our fun was very social, it revolved around spending time with friends in exotic locations, Hawaii, Monterey California to name a few. We had many nights enjoying house parties, dinner parties, Sunday’s by the pool, we had a great time, then…

But times changed, we grew up and our friends moved in different directions, some got married, moved overseas and I became a mother.  My desire to drink all the time quickly stopped with pregnancy, then months of sleepless nights then just plain old exhaustion and this underlying sense of responsibility.

As time rolled on and I became ‘normal’ again I realised that the desire to drink alcohol all the time had completely gone. What I found instead was in order to feel like I was bonding with my husband,  I needed to drink with him.  I eventually became resentful because I didn’t want to drink everyday in order to connect with him…

As time went by, complacency kicked in, amongst other challenges and the need to have some serious conversations became obvious. It was then that I got really shitty because it didn’t matter how much I told him he ‘changed’ when he drank, he didn’t believe me.  I got tired of his voice raising unreasonably, tired of the constant debate and unrealistic view points on our declining connection, tired of drinking every night instead of connecting with me, the woman he was supposed to love.

He never hit me, always went to work and achieved great results and cared and provided for our children, so how could he possibly have a problem with alcohol management?  The fact that it was a problem for me and our ability to be really connected didn’t seem to matter enough.  I  thought if he wasn’t going to put the time in to talk to me and discuss our future ‘like he cared’, I wasn’t going to feel like being intimate with him.

So our sex life was also impacted, he stayed up late watching TV, I went to bed early hoping he’d follow me… Now please don’t get me wrong, he is an honourable and great man, we simply opposed ideas of sobriety and intimacy!

A relationship can only sustain this kind of imbalance for so long… Something has got to give. In our case it was me - for many reasons most of which were my own, I left.  The challenge I now see in a lot of relationships as a coach, is how much alcohol is like wearing a disguise, it hides the real you with a mask of  happy, sad, uninhibited, grouchy, fearlessness… In any case the real emotions are avoided.

Daily alcohol consumption is a betrayal of self and is a false layer of protection that hides the real truth of your emotions… How can anyone have a real relationship when someone  is always partying, numbed by the subtly of one too many glasses of wine?

Beside the physical side effects of long term drinking; increased weight, heart disease risks, diabetes etc… The emotional side effects could very well cost you more. How about your family? Your job? Your self esteem and confidence are impacted? What about your creativity and your intuition?  Your judgement is impaired, your reality shifts and with regular drinking can actually stay wacked (that’s a professional term).

All of these life giving elements are numbed when you drink alcohol. So ask yourself, what do you have to lose, how good does it really make you feel? Are you being your authentic self? Are you making decisions that empower you or take your power away? And who wants drunk sex all the time anyway?

A true Goddess and Warrior deserves to feel everything - intimately…your body, emotions, your spirit at play, you mind racing with anticipation your skin tingling…

Some of my friends might argue that they still see me drink every now and then, so who am i to talk about not drinking… But the difference is I only drink every now and then, a special occasion you might say.  I hope that you may enjoy the infrequency of a glass every now and then and be the power house of clarity, love and intimacy in the meantime.  if you want to talk about how you can receive and give more intimacy freely with your partner, please contact me. I can help xxx

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton