I am an Ordinary Woman!

I’m an ordinary woman… I have curves like most women and there are parts of my body I’d like to change if I could but I’m happy with what I’ve been given. I have a warm smile and I know I have warmth in my heart because I can feel it. I see the world through bright blue eyes but how I see the world is my very own Uniqueness - as it is for every woman.

I often make mistakes, sometimes over and over again until I eventually understand the universe is trying to tell me something and I eventually get the message - the valuable learnings, so I can move forward.  I have a tendency to attract the ‘mack truck’ kind of experiences - you know, the ones that hit you smack bang right in the face, hard and it hurts like hell.  I’ve started to learn much more quickly and read the signs now before I get run over. I hear the voice within, feel in my senses and my intuition but I don’t always listen…

I strive to be the best parent I can be and struggle not to blame my parents for fucking it up for me. I remind myself they taught me what NOT to do as a parent, so I’m ok, I know they did the best they can and for their efforts, I am grateful. My kids love me unconditionally and while it’s not always easy, we manage and we have a lot of fun. Like most mums, I’d do anything for my children and can’t imagine my life without them, they are the teachers, they are the wise ones in my world.

Every day, a little bit more of my heart is forgiven for leaving my marriage instead of sticking it out and working it out. Every day I send him love and hope my childrens father doesn’t hate me for changing our family.  And every day I am grateful I have had the opportunity to explore who I really am as a woman since then.

Throughout this journey I have taken on my own, I’ve learned many things and experienced even more… Who I am, what I want, what I am capable of and what I am not. I’ve discovered who my real friends are and who is most important to me and what it means to be a girlfriend - loyal, strong, nurturing, compassionate, happy! I’ve decided I’m still learning how to be a great girl-friend.

I seek no validation, nor fame. I want freedom to be me, as a warm hearted mother and spirited lover. I desire the peace of mind that comes from speaking my mind and being present with my emotions. I want freedom to be emotional without excuses or hiding behind a veil of bravery - for I know my strength comes from my ability to release, realise and accept how I feel.

What I want for myself is a sense of knowing that I am equanamous with mother nature and that I am the same life force that thrives in her.  The feeling that I am indeed, powerful beyond measure but I don’t always feel that kind of power… In fact, sometimes I feel completely powerless and full of pain.  When I watch TV or see the atrocities that are committed in the world against women and children, I realise I am not alone, we women have a long way to go till we are free… Free from what? Ourselves and the walls we have built over centuries of hiding and denigration?

We no longer have the fear of burning at the stake - at least not in this country but we still live with fear - fear of being a deeply loving sexual goddess, fear self of expression and speaking our truth, even if our love is at risk. I’m an ordinary woman, I want what every woman wants - to feel like a woman one who can and does harness the power of the greatest mother of all - mother earth.

Every now and then I get a glimpse of  mother earth connection and it brings me back down to earth, literally pulling me down to the core of who I am, the core of the earth.  I am most grounded and at peace when I am connect with the core. My connection with the earth mother makes we want to run wild and naked through the woods howling with joy and a sense of freedom - but if I did that, run like the wolves, would I still be an ordinary woman?

I don’t want to hide behind the cloak of that which I have created but to not hide, leaves me open to explore uncharted territory… Do I dare go where the wise women before me have gone? Do I reach up, reach out, speak up and dare to shout out from the roof tops what I actually want… Do I even know what that really is?

I wonder if other ordinary women feel the same as me? Do they too want to scream from the roof tops and be set free? Do they KNOW without a doubt, of the feeling of wonderment, wildness, willingness and wisdom that resides within their heart and have they too lost their key to unlock the mysteries of womanhood?

Do other women want more from life, to unleash the suppression that lies heavy in their hearts? Do they know the great love of source and  spirit resides within them?

I am an ordinary woman, but I FEEL so much, so deeply, with complexity that leaves me bewildered, enriched and sometimes confused and scared. I FEEL so much love and yet, shy away from the love of others. I play a dance of openness and close up when it’s not comfortable for me to be so vulnerable.

I know how to surrender and open myself to vulnerability, I understand my strength when I am vulnerable and open like a flower… But if I question myself, do I really know how to fully surrender? Would I have not run like the wolves by now? Would I have not spoken up and stood out and shouted from the roof tops, my hearts desires?  Would I have not challenged this very world we women live in?

Would I have not screamed my fucking lungs out, with the greatest intensity during a session with my lover? If I was supposed to be fully surrendered, why would I have ever held back?

I am an ordinary woman, I live with passion and wishes fulfilled, I have desires and hopes and some of my dreams are so far, left unfulfilled… Marianne Williamson said it best in her book ‘A return to love’, we are powerful beyond measure, when we shine our light, we give others permission to also shine….

So anything less than me being EXTRAORDINARY, isn’t me being myself, isn’t me leaving my mark on this world. It is certainly not me being everything I know I am…. I am extraordinary, I just know it, I always have been.

You are just like me, you feel it, don’t you? Won’t you join me and be extraordinary too… The great mother earth, our world and the women in it, need us to be more - more of everything we know we are already…. It’s time to surrender and unleash!

Everything we discuss here is covered in The Goddess Retreat - you are not alone, you never will be. Nothing you experience as a woman ever has to be misunderstood, never has to be left unforgiven… Begin your journey today and join us.  CLICK HERE for dates and details.

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

All Rights Reserved (C) 2011

Recognise Burnout – Before it’s too late!

In recent weeks, I’ve been blowing the horn at both ends (so to speak), working around the clock on a project for another company, doing the graveyard shift on Top Secret Women’s projects, events AND coaching clients.  Add to that a healthy dose of domestic duties, raising two children, now 11 and 13 and nurturing a new relationship - you’d safely agree, I have my hands full but not necessarily any more than anyone else.

At the beginning of the year I spent ten days in silence at Vipassana - a ten day silent Buddhist retreat.  Ten days of complete peace, grounded quiet, simplifying life in ways I’d only ever dreamt of through meditation… And all too quickly the hounds of overwhelm have kicked in and nearly taken over - had I not recognised the signs of reaching burnout. Thanks to Vipassana I have a significant comparison to draw on when recognising when life is getting a little too hectic and it’s taking its toll on me.

Perhaps you too might recognise the signs of burnout or overwhelm? Perhaps it’s not a coincidence you are reading this article today?

Here is what you need to know about the signs of overwhelm, burnout and stress, (according to my experience), keep a look out for them;

• A slight increase in your heart beat, it’s a little louder when you are doing tasks and there is a sense of urgency that won’t settle
• You go to bed going over and over in your head how much needs to be done, what you didn’t do and in which order you will get even more done tomorrow and sleep with an uneasy feeling in your stomach
• Your dreams become more erratic and irrational, they are loud and stranger, more vivid and you either sleep more heavily or toss and turn
• Your overall energy becomes strained, you feel tired and can’t get enough rest and lack lustre
• You feel a little cranky or short tempered and have little time for waiting, waiting for anything. Impatience takes over.
• You withdraw from your lover, your family, your friends and swim in the circus you have made around you - it consumes you
• Your enthusiasm and motivation takes a nose dive and you struggle staying passionate and inspired about what you are doing, it’s like you forgot what it was all for. You lose sight of the purpose and goal
• Your libido slowly melts away (shit, now you are in trouble, even less feel good endorphins) and your partner also feels the withdrawal. Now you have pressure from him or her. Unconsciously, they are following your lead in the withdrawal by reflecting your projections.
• Other things like short temper, crying, feeling overly emotional, the feeling of wilting, anxiety, not wanting to get out of bed and over-reacting, are all signs of a pending burn out

There are more things to look out for and the variety and order of which you may feel these things is unimportant.  The important thing to understand is how to read the signs, see them coming and do something about it before it takes over.

Nearly everyone has at sometime in their life experienced overwhelm or burn out and it’s time to recognise the signs and actively pursue solutions and remedies before it hits you with its full force and debilitates you.

In recent studies, it shows that 1 in 4 women will experience some kind of depression in her life. The 58% of mother’s sex life is non-existent,  47% of women wish they could lose weight, 50% of Australian mothers work, 1 in every 10 women have experienced some form of domestic violence and the average woman only has 30 minutes of leisure time in every 24 hours.

This is just not good enough!  These percentages are on the rise, so what are you going to do about it?

It’s time to become more aware of what is happening to your body and mind, become the observer in your own life so you can effectively regain control. Recognise the signs of ‘doing too much’ and give yourself the regeneration time you not only need, but deserve!

Combating overwhelm is easy when you understand when it’s taking over and recognising the signs is the hardest part. They say a problem well stated is a problem half solved, so be your own boss and tune into your body a little more so you can be self aware enough to save yourself from burnout.

I advise that I am not a Dr, but you know that, so take this information wisely and do not hesitate to see your doctor if you feel you need to.

Here are some Solutions for easing the overwhelming feeling of burnout and how to bring back balance;

• Find time for yourself regularly and I mean REGULARLY! You can easily avoid burnout by taking time out regularly to rejuvenate - start a weekly and daily ritual of spending some alone, quiet time - read, meditate, go for a walk, paint, dance, yoga, journal…
• Wear sexy knickers and clothes that make you feel fabulously sexy, powerful and dynamite. Do not underestimate the power of sexy stockings under your work dress, the sauciness of soft lace against your bottom, the feel of silk on your forearm and a fresh spray of your favourite fragrance… Dressing for YOU is most important. If you feel sloppy and wear track suit pants you are certainly not going to feel more powerful are you? So get up, make and effort and dress so you feel and look superb!
• Go on a date and re-invigorate your relationship, wear sexy clothes, do something special, send flowers with gorgeous love notes, spice it up and surrender to the one who loves you. They are not the enemy or the cause of your anxiety… They are however, a way for you to successfully escape the circus and enjoy some real loving. Remember orgasms increase your feel good endorphins and you will naturally feel better with a romp between the sheets with a well deserving lover.
• Enjoy some girl-friend time. Your partner is not a girl-friend and should not be expected to listen to you and converse with you in the same way. Spending time with friends takes you away from the tasks at hand and allows for rejuvenation of a different kind. Make sure the time spent is quality time, not a slagging match of how busy and miserable you are. Go to the movies and have a coffee after to discuss the movie, go for dinner, visit the local market and take a beach swim on the way home, enjoy a home shopping party with a glass of bubbles, pamper each other with facials or massage, play a game, dress up and go dancing…. There are a million things you can do with a girlfriend, you just have to make the call and do it regularly, don’t leave it till it’s too late! The chances are, she needs it too.
• Prioritise time and tasks. It’s critical that as a working mum or business woman that you have a list of priorities and YOU are number one. If you let yourself go on with such speed and neglect your own pampering, everything else will go to shit also. You know it, right? This is the ripple effect!

The most important thing to remember is to read the signs, understand your own body, before they kick in, have a game plan to take time out. You should be planning one of these activities each week to avoid burnout and have a very well planned schedule to allow for such time, it is essential. There are also a vast selection of practitioners, healers, educators that have so many options to give you that extra boost, make sure you utilise them - you do not have to take this journey on your own. We are here to help you.

One immediate option is a Passion Pop Experience with me… There is nothing like it to spark you back to your passionate self…

That is also why we have planned Ladies Pamper Expo - because we recognise the need for women to take time out. We understand the staggering statistics on mental health and well being and we want to make a difference and show you how fun looking after yourself can be.

We start from the inside, clearing what gets in the way and give you options for moving forward with confidence and pride.  We hope you can join us for what is going to be Australia’s Biggest Pamper Party!

Brisbane first, then Australia…. Are you in?

Tickets can be purchased from; http://topsecretwomensbusiness.com/events/ladies-pamper-expo-tm/

Yours Real and Raw,

Janelle Manton

CEO, Top Secret Women’s Business Pty. Ltd

All rights reserved © 2011

Passionate Girlfriends - The Keys to Lasting Real Friendships

A good friend will speak to you, even when she is getting a brazillian

This is dedicated to my girlfriends, you know who you are!

Yesterday I called a girlfriend for a chat, I really needed to hear her opinion on something I’d decided on. When I called I said, “hey hon, have you got a minute, I just want to run something by you”, she said sure. So off I went on my rant and shared all sides of the dilemma with her. At some stage she mentions she ‘just getting a brazillian now’ and continues to support me and my decision making process - all the while having hair ripped out of her body….

Now I don’t know if you have ever had a ‘Brazillian’ but they bloody hurt like hell and even under the extremes of pain, she was there for me, to hear me and support me… God I love her and that is why, to this day, she continues to be my friend after 27 years.

A good friend will always be there for you, no matter what is happening. She will support you, share her honest opinion and make you ‘pull you head in’, when you need that too.

There was a time just recently when my beautiful lover told me he wanted to be with me ‘forever’. Now me, being in the middle of my struggle to let go and allow vulnerability to reign, said in response, “there’s no such thing as forever, how about we just do this for as long as we can”… God I’m a dickhead!!!  I witnessed the immediate deflation of his enthusiasm and his energy withdrew, just like that. And then of course I tried to redeem myself with a rambling because I realised what I had done to his sense of romance and commitment to me… ouch!

Later, I told my girlfriend (the same one) what I had said in response to him (you see us girls do share our thoughts and happenings with our besties) and she gave me a royal kick up the arse… It went something like this “Jesus Janelle, you’ve waited so long for a man like him to come into your life, wake up to yourself, can’t you just let him love you, get the fuck out of your head and just allow yourself to be romanced and loved”!!!

WOW, had I been told… And of course, she was exactly right. It was exactly waht I needed to hear.  I didn’t need permission to be so incredibly in love or loved but I did need to let my guard down so I could experience the full enrapture of loves power and force. The guard or wall around my heart, I didn’t even know was there (well I did but it’s more easily recognised by others, perhaps it’s because of their own reflection)..

Anyway, it was a relief to knock down the wall and a conversation with my lover on my ‘findings’ had me allowing vulnerability and going with the flow of ‘forever’… Imagine that, forever in love! My relationship immediately benefited from my arse kicking, thanks to the courage of my girlfriend. Not only did she see what I was unwilling to see, she had the courage to tell me so. Blessed I say, blessed!

My point? A real girlfriend is the one who is not afraid to kick your ass and tell you to pull your head in. She is loyal and willing to risk the friendship in order to speak the truth. She is forgiving and accepting of all of you and tolerant of other things. She embraces your family, children and other friends (even if she doesn’t really like them that much), she respects your decisions even if she doesn’t understand them and does so without judgement.

The real girlfriends are the ones you can trust with your secrets, your ideas and your dreams. She holds sacred the ‘vault’ and honours what you have to offer as your own. She does not bend the rules of the vault you share.

A real girlfriend cries with you when you are grieving and then helps pull you out of it as best she can. She will ask you if you want a ’shoulder’ or advise and listens to you either way. She checks in on you when you’ve been silent and reminds you of the good times you’ve shared when you need a laugh. She shares her knowledge and memories of you with your children and reminds you of who you really are, where you’ve come from and where you are headed… She is a memory bank for those you leave behind.

She walks alongside you in the journey of life - giving and taking, sharing, laughing, enjoying good and bad times. She talks to you during a waxing session and jumps to the rescue when you are feeling down or wanting fun and myschief. She is willing to run to your side when you need a hand and laughs at you when you are being silly.

She is a member of your tribe, the community of women you hold sacred and close. She is essential. For a long time or a short time, good friends keep us alive and well and hold us accountable for being real, they leave their mark and provide us with lessons and learnings, they are priceless and precious.

Friendships you are passionate about energise you and give you freedom to be authentically you. They give you someone to love when there seems to be no love in your life but them.  They provide a reflection for you to see and experience ‘who you really are’. What you see in them is in some way, a reflection of how you see yourself, for that, we should be grateful and appreciate every moment.

If you have a special friend that you honour and respect, tell her today. If you have women in your life that you’d like to be closer to, do something for them and tell them you want a friendship with them, they want friendship too. If you have a friend you’ve not spoken to in a while, call her - she needs you. If you haven’t told your friend how much you love her in a while, tell her now. If it’s been like ‘forever’ since you got your girls together for some valuable ‘girl time’ do it now, every woman needs the support of the little tribe you have. If there is a woman who needs a little extra care and support right now - invite her into your tribe and care for her.

There is no reason on earth why a woman should ever feel alone or lonely. We are communal by nature, it’s in our primal nature to be in communities of other women…

What are you doing to nurture your tribe, your friendships, yourself?

I invite you to join Top Secret Women’s Business for any of our upcoming events so you can make new friends, join a growing tribe of like minded women and feel supported, loved and free- You may just enjoy a little fun along the way…

Cherish your girlfriends with insatiable passion and nurture your sacred feminine spirit as you do so…

Yours Real & Raw,

Janelle Manton

Director, Top Secret Women’s Business Pty. Ltd

All Rights Reserved 2011 ©

If you wish to repost this article, please do so only if you wish  to credit the author

3 Ways to Ignite your Passion

In a recent article I mentioned the key things that cause your passion to wain - Complacency, Not Knowing and Fear.

Complacency is when you slow down your efforts and enthusiasm, stop going the extra mile and we get very ‘comfortable’ with life in such a way it eventually becomes boring and we lose interest.  You might even say complacency is giving up… Giving up hope, your dreams, giving up caring…

Not Knowing what you are passionate about is also a major problem because if you’ve never really thought about it, how will you know what to get excited about?  When you figure out what it is that is your driving force, what lifts and elevates your spirit and juices you up, you can live your life with purpose and passion.

Most people who are living their life’s purpose are also living a passionate life and experience happiness, daily!

They love what they do, it doesn’t feel like work and they bounce out of bed daily to jump into it. Not knowing what you are passionate about can leave you feeling flat, lost, stuck and on the treadmill of life…

Fear is completely immobilising but always present for everyone. The difference is when we let fear rule our life very little changes. Fear of what people think, fear of consequences, rejection, failure, fear of the unknown, fear of looking silly in front of your peers… Fear is a killer of passion and will stifle even the most driven people should it be allowed to take over. Kick fear in the butt and do it anyway is what passionate people do!

It’s important to know what kills passion so we can eliminate what stops you from living a full and passionate life.  As I’ve mentioned any times, passion is a driving force, it energises you and gets things done. Someone who is passionate is alluring and confident as they are fearless in going after their dreams. Passion makes you a better lover and able to surrender to the yearnings of your heart. Passion fills you with hope and purpose, excitement and delirious fun filled energy…

So the golden question is -

How do you ignite you passion and get more of what you want in life?

How does passion really help?

Let’s explore the top 3 things you can do o ignite your passions so you can get more done and start producing the results in life you really want!!!!

No 1. Know what you want and understand what it is that fulfils you and what juices you up. When you can spend some time working out exactly what it is you want from life, work, your relationships and YOURSELF you can clearly get passionate about it. A life of purpose is a lifetime of doing what you love, there is no such thing as work when you love what you are doing and ‘who’ you are doing.  So spend some time brainstorming and start narrowing your focus to what you really want.

A great exercise to do at home is to write a simple list of all the things you   want to do, be and have and concentrate your efforts on the few things that         really get you excited.

No 2. Take a spoon full of Courage and do it anyway, regardless of how fearful you feel!  The most important thing is to eliminate fear, simple kick it in the butt and do what you love anyway. So long as you have the greater good in mind and your choices do not negatively impact others (including yourself), then you are on the right track.

A lion’s share of Courage can do wonders for your confidence, your results and the experience you enjoy.  If you find fear prevents you from giving life your best shot then consider it part of the process - Feel the Fear and do it anyway. You’ll find that the fear was unwarranted and not real anyway.

If you have a debilitating fear and need help overcoming it, then ask for help, be willing to live outside the box and take control. You can call me; part of my Passion Pop Experiences is eliminating fear processes so you can get the full ‘pop’ and get on with it - full of passion.

No 3. Take engaged, creative Action. I hate the word action as it seems to minimise what it really takes to do the stuff that truly counts and makes a difference.  Engaged, creative action means to be fully attentive and meaningful in everything you do, think about what you can do differently to make life exciting and full of passion?.

Be mindful of the consequences and what you are creating. DO with purpose and intention. Engaged action is what it takes to maintain passion. If you are just doing the actions it takes to get something done without being mindful, then it’s very easy for those actions to turn into complacency - feeling stuck and on the treadmill of life. So use your imagination and be engaged in the process and take creative engaged actions toward what you want.

An example of this is in your personal relationships you might discover what actions really turn on your partner, so it becomes the thing to do. While it     action started out exciting your lack of creativity and variety causes that action to now be ordinary. Complacency and lack of imagination make your sex life   boring and a lack of interest results = less love making ad boredom… I know that example is a little extreme but you get the picture. Be adventurous and use your imagination!

By eliminating fear, knowing what you want to get passionate about and taking the appropriate actions toward what you want you can easily live with passion and get excited about what you are doing and who you are spending your time with.

Getting passionate about your life can eliminate all kinds of ‘ills’ including depression, loneliness, confusion, desperation, boredom and frustration (to name a few). Think about it for a moment… If you are passionate about what you are doing in your life, career, relationships, with your health, you self, then how does something like depression live in such an environment? How can desperation and boredom exist? If you are passionate and getting out and about ‘doing’ then being lonely is a thing of the past, you’d be meeting people and engaging in life. You’d be genuinely interested in what you are doing and who you are meeting.

When the statistics for men and women suffering from ‘depression’ are so high, there has to be an easy solution to eliminating this modern dis-ease and feeling happy about life once again, right?

I don’t promise a cure because ultimately it’s up to you to decide to change, what I can promise is clarity, solutions and results. Invest in a Passion Pop Experience with me and discover a whole new life full of passion and purpose.

A Passion Pop Experience is great for anyone at a cross-road in life and wants clarity in which direction to take. If you are feeling frustrated in your career, your relationships, have never really ‘allowed’ yourself the freedom of feeling the full expression of your passionate self, then this 1.5 hour session could be just what you need to set yourself free, once and for all!

Book in with me directly by emailing janelle@topsecretwomensbusiness.com your session includes 1.5 hours of experiential passion popping processes to ignite your life and set you on the right path… toward your bright and fulfilling future!

Love your life, because you are worth it!!!

Yours Real & Raw,

Janelle Manton

Director

TSWB All rights Reserved 2011 ©

Show me the way home, Deal Lover

Dear Lover,

How I crave you. Every day my craving grows and expands in a way I’ve never experienced before.  And my cravings are always satiated with your presence… Only to reignite when you are away from me…

I fell in love with you quickly my darling because you are so much like me, you are a reflection of me and how I feel about myself, I see myself in you. There are times when I wonder about love and if my love for you is more infatuation, an ‘in love and lust’ kind of love and then you sweep me away to yet another paradigm of understandings and depth… another world of something so unconditional I can hardly breath, my love.

Sometimes when you are away I start to doubt myself and my fear of such closeness stifles me.  What if you see all of me and who I really am? What if you don’t think I’m perfect or irresistible?  What if you change your mind about loving me?  I’m slowly unravelling in my trust and when I feel a little uneasy, you have this uncanny way of reassuring me with your open heart and open mind, you see me, dear lover, you hear me dear lover and you embrace all of me… Dear Lover, how I love you.

You allow me to open my yearning heart and yield to its cravings. The delicious ways you open me to universal love is incredibly revealing and raw, it’s who I am and who I have always desired to be but have never achieved entirely on my own…

It’s only in our intimate relations with another that we really see ourselves, this I’ve discovered with you my love - In our reflection we discover who we really are and my blessing today with you, dear lover, is how much I love and adore you, how much I admire your courage to love so openly and honestly, how willing you are to discover the depth of feeling and experience true, unconditional love can bring.

I’m eternally grateful because the very way you love me brings me closer to me, my core, my growing love for me is your true gift.  Thank you dear lover for showing me the way home - to my own heart…. Oh how I crave…

Yours Real and Raw,

Janelle Manton

Top Secret Women’s Business

All rights reserved ©

The Silence is Deafening!

It’s in the silence… I found myself amidst the consistent, nagging tunes of George Michaels ‘Amazing’ even when the blackness came and there was nothing else, the words were there still in the deep recesses of my mind… do do do do, I think your amazing… and after 3 whole days of this constant banter, on the fourth day, I found the depths of my spirit, peacefully waiting my return home…

I spent my Christmas break and new year celebration in the silence of my mind, alone, along with about 70 other dedicated meditators… Vipassana was a holiday from my life and I welcomed the time of silence, ten whole days of it!

Leading up to Vipassana, there was chaos of gigantic proportions, financial concerns that created massive worry, uncertainty, anger and fear. My family life was in upheaval with arguments taht seemed to grow in size each time, my relationship turned from beautiful to dependence which was out of my control (so it seemed)…. I’m sure my friends were sick of me winging and seeing me so low, so I retreated and withdrew… My business which I love so much was slowing down for the year and was desperately hating life, getting up off the couch was difficult enough… But to add to it all, I had let my health slide, taking up bad habits to excess, putting on weight and not valuing my body enough to not poison it!

I’d been thinking about attending Vipassana for a while. The first time I thought about it was when I had a broken leg, a great time of reflection, but I was advised that the physical aspect of meditating and long hours of sitting would be a challenge, and so, like a lot of things, I put it on the back burner… for 5 years!

I thought not talking would be the difficult part seems as though I never shut up, I always contribute and have no problem giving my opinion… But by the time I got there, I couldn’t wait for the noise to shut the fuck up! I’d had enough. My mind was constantly reminding me of what I did not have,  jabs at how lazy and fat I am, always letting me know my business was not successful enough, that I was not enough… I had literally become sick of hearing it and was on my way to breaking point.  My world seemed to be crashing down upon me like an abyss of nothingness.

I don’t know if I the only one who has ever felt like that, but I can say, I don’t ever want to go back there again… The abuse was indeed deafening me and slowly killing my spirit, me! I arrived at Vipassana retreat centre in Pomona a desperate woman, ready to do whatever it took to snap out of my misery and into a new, fresh, clean start…

The first 3 days were extraordinary, so much noise in my head, so much abuse and negativity, I thought it would never end. I went to the teacher in an almost crazed state because I just couldn’t get George Michael out of my head, I couldn’t stop worrying about what was and what was not in my life!  In fact, my headaches were extreme migraines of release. Poisons being released, negative thoughts and emotions… letting go, surrendering to the peace that is below and beyond…..

Our teacher patiently taught me how to shift my focus and to have faith, very little instruction, fewer words… Once again, trusting and having faith was my lesson. On day 4 I got it…. Like the best drug I’ve ever had, there was nothing like it! Quiet! Peace! Finally…

During my afternoon meditation, the dark stillness finally came, utopia of the mind was felt, the subtle vibration of my entire being experienced in bliss, equanomous with nature, no boundaries, infinite and expanding like the universe itself, I am the universe!. Total resolution.

In that moment I understood who I really am. I am no different to you, we are all the same, I am more than enough, I am extraordinary and a miracle. A vibration of pure energy, a single atom of consciousness expanded into a being of light and love…

But it was only an experience. Like most things in life, it was only that, one moment of pure experience, nothing to be craved or sought after, nothing to get addicted to, just enjoyed in the present moment. Nothing more, nothing less…. To crave it would only cause more misery.

Day 6 was my hardest day as I settled into a rythym and understanding of why I was there.  I had left the chaos of home and life to find peace and self love and most importantly, a way of coping with the mess that I thought was life outside… In the middle of my morning mediation, amongst my 70 odd fellow meditators I started to cry…

I don’t know if it was fear of returning home that started the giant flood or how happy I was to be there, whatever it was, was far less important than just observing without question and letting my tears flow… And flow they did… All the way down to my belly button, ironically to the place I once drew my life force energy from… The final surrender to pure bliss emptied my heart as it left, making room for the miracle of unconditional love and understanding….

And so went the following days… the days turned into night and the night into day. Meditation, meditation, meditation. Quiet surrender with an understanding of nature, observation of all that is, from a spider spinning its web, pain and joy, to the slight and subtle vibration of my spirits energy… deliverance from misery, the slow journey of elimination of negativity at the very core of its conception… The rebirth of true understanding embraced, the silence, a gift to myself I will always cherish and nurture…

Ten days of silent reflection and observation, zero communication with anyone but myself, over 100 hours of sitting meditation, 4.15am starts… Just myself, complete solitude and in those cherished days, I discovered the secrets to eternal peace and abundance, discipline and vigilance… Of which I am bound to be successful!

I discovered the calm that is really who I am and regained control of my life. I developed and embraced a new way of being and truly understand the importance and what it takes to have balance in my life, to put myself first… But most importantly, I uncovered the blessing of slowing down, doing things in my own time with discipline, simplifying my life and eliminating expectations that disappoint…

Living in the present with mindfulness and calm is who I am. Observing instead of irrational reaction is who I am. Loving unconditionally with understanding and compassion in my heart is who I am… Being a Goddess and embracing what I do is who I am…

There is not greater gift to give yourself, than the gift of silence… Anything less than that is deafening!

If you would like to find out more, please email me. If you are interseted in one on one coaching with me, again, please email me - I am here to be of service! xxx

Yours Real & Raw,

Janelle Manton

admin@topsecretwomensbusiness.com

Top Secret Women’s Business All Rights Reserved (C) 2011

Are you a Serial Casual Sex Fan?

It’s an age old question, probably more frequently asked now with the last few generations with women coming out of the kitchen and breaking free of the conformity that comes with a traditional female role…

When is the right time to decide to have sex with a man and know without a doubt, he respects you enough to call you the next day?

So you’re dating, just met a contender and that complex question raises its head…. Intimacy is meant to be easy, right?

Traditionally we would make him wait (sometimes even till we marry) and make him work for it, wait till he deserves your body and the opportunity to be intimate with you… These days women have the right to do as they please, as men have for centuries and lots of women do what they want without weighing up the consequences.  But if you are waiting for him to call the next day after taking him home, you might want to brace yourself.

I’ve done lots of research on this subject (and it’s not always been fun). I’ve also experienced heart ache trying to figure out why he didn’t call me.  We had been getting along brilliantly, we had chemistry, connection and now after the deed is done, no call! Why? As archaic as it seems, men still love the chase and they are particularly attracted to women who they can’t have - right away…

If a man is really into you, he’ll be happy to get to know you and wait for you. Remember the book, ‘He’s not that into you’? It may be time for a re-read.

So if you really like a guy and want to spend quality time with him in the future, don’t sleep with him till you have bonded in other ways. Until he has an emotional connection with you and wants all of who you are, he is most likely to not respect your decision to go all the way.  Why? Because they don’t have to! If sex is an emotionaless experience, it’s easier for them to walk away.  Most men think if you don’t value you by having sex with him straight away, then he doesn’t have to value you either.

Is this always the case? No, certainly not. There are lots of men who place value on the connection he has with a woman, regardless of how long they’ve known each other… But the truth is, they are few and far between. It’s challenging having a sacred experience with someone you’ve just met or have only been on one or two dates with, there is no real foundation from which to grow - besides the physical… And that isn’t always a good start, it’s often not enough to sustain a loving relationship.

You might think as a woman you are quite capable of having a one night stand or a casual fling without getting emotionally attached and that may be so….

But how long do you really think you can go without emotional fulfilment when you are an emotional being?

If you are a serial casual sex fan then be really honest with yourself, the truth for most women is it is a temporary, quick fix and a bandaid for a greater problem, a denial or detachment… usually from your heart. Serial sex fans pretend it doesn’t matter when the guy doesn’t call the next day, when it really does matter!  Some women deny themselves by playing an even bigger game, that of the predator… ‘I wanted him, so I went and had him, I’m in control here’… No wonder we are being called Cougars and Puma’s! the tragedy is women are lying to themself.

This predatory behaviour and attitude is a big fat lie. Sadly it’s even more tragic when it’s a lie to yourself and a deep reflection of denial and rejection of self worth. Women are not predators by nature, we are gatherers.  We have no primal instinct to hunt, so only a woman deep in her masculine energy goes out hunting…

And does a man want to stay with a woman that competes with him energetically? NO, he does not (obviously rare cases exist of the successful one night stand but that is another story)…  Men are attracted to a woman who lets him be the hunter - a man.  When a man is fully in his masculine and she is fully in her feminine, this is when the polarities of energy are most opposite and most likely to hold an attraction charge.

So, to have sex or not? Do you wait for Mr Right or enjoy Mr Right now? I always advise my clients to seek the answers within as to what is the best for you, as a woman.  Each woman is in a different space, some are single and exploring their sexual nature, while others are still exploring but have the luxury of doing that exploration with a loved one.

The keys to remember when deciding are;

• Tune into the reasons you want to have sex, are they the right reasons to share your body?
• Are you valuing yourself in this situation and does he value you as much?
• Are you getting a quick fix for what might otherwise be lonliness or fear of real connection?
• Are you totally loving you by sharing your most sacred part of you?
• Are you using your predatory skills and the facade of ‘I’m in control’ as a mask?
• Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable so you can experience real emotions or are you somewhat guarded?
• Does he have expectations that he’s going to get you naked before he puts in the ground work?

There is a distinct difference between having a sacred sexual experience with a friend and having an ‘in out, in out’ experience with a near stranger. When you are with a friend and enjoy a deeply moving tantric experience that comes from your heart, you know you are safe.  You can have an experience like that and enjoy no expectations and a very loving and memorable time and walk away feeling respected - Because you connected on a deeper level…

It’s when you as a woman, allow a near stranger to have your body (even if you think you are in charge) for next to nothing and expect a different outcome that the problems really lie…

Sharing your body may seem easier at times than sharing your heart but the long term consequences can be devastating to your self esteem and self worth.  Sex is a sacred act and if you are deciding to ‘have a little fun’, at least choose a worthy opponent. Anything less than an honourable man is giving away your most treasured possession… You!

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

Director

Top Secret Women’s Business

The Power of Eloquence

Eloquence is the powerful, elegant, forcible and effective use of language. It’s persuasive, inspiring and reflects quality and conviction.  Some might say that eloquence is a way of strikingly verbalising strong emotions in such a way to be influential.

You’ve heard the Queen deliver a speech right? She oozes eloquence as one would expect….

Eloquence is the graceful delivery of words that is fluid with a superior level of style and confidence.  Pronunciation is enhanced and there is an appreciation of a broad vocabulary and a comprehensive comprehension of language…

So why is Eloquence so important for a modern Goddess?

Well darling, have you ever met a beautiful and delightful woman, who walked smoothly, had incredible hair and was impeccably groomed, she stood with confidence and when she opened her mouth, you nearly fell over with offense?  This apparently graceful creature was loud, raucous, rough, she mumbled with slang oozing out of her mouth?

Your impression was shattered by the rude interruption of the mouth speaking and your ears ached… This negative impression is the reason why eloquence is vital to every Goddess. Eloquence is power. It’s influential and people listen to what you have to say, when you say it with style and meaningfulness.

When you couple speaking well, with grace and poise you have a winning formula for attraction and success. Having Grace is the one thing which certainly enhances your feminine strengths and appeal, and you have to know that speaking ‘like a lady’ is yet another way to become more sensual, more powerful, more confident and more HEARD by others.

Consider the gorgeous and delectable screen Goddesses of the past, very few other women surpass their beauty, grace, eloquence and poise.  When you see such women as Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Rita Hayworth, Faye Dunaway, Vivian Leigh, Katherine Hepburn (to name just a few), you see perfection in the female form, femininity in its greatest hour…

Goddess women have curves, grace, poise, eloquence, heels, minimalism that speaks volumes. There is delight, inner strength, control, freedom, wisdom and above all, these Goddesses are sensual and sexy yet respected for the delicious and determined women they are.

Once upon a time as little as only one generation ago, elocution was taught at school as part of the curriculum and was a very valued lesson for young women.  Consistent vowel practice, rising of one’s eye brows as a means to lift your voice were common lessons. There was an air of ‘finishing school’ within the education system, especially in ‘all girls’ schools and now, elocution is nearly a lost art, a fading value within female education.

Do you remember the movie My Fair Lady with Audrey Hepburn?  This movie exemplifies the power of feminine intention and change, especially when it comes to eloquence and articulation. Language is very powerful ladies. Another great movie that demonstrates change from ladette to lady through language is Pretty Woman. There are several scenes throughout the movie that demonstrate the importance of eloquence and elegance.

The challenge with the many fading feminine arts including grace, poise, posture etc is the increase in masculinity amongst women.  When I refer to masculinity I refer to energy and the polarity that exists between feminine and masculine energy within each of us. With the increase in women working and women business owners, masculine energy is dominant and I’m afraid to say, an unsustainable way to live your feminine life.

Feminine enhancements which sustain and give an abundance of energy come in many forms, everything from taking a warm bubble bath or dancing; to speaking beautifully can enhance a woman’s attraction and the energy levels in any spirited woman.

So what are the benefits of being eloquent?

• You will be respected for your opinion and will be heard. There is a difference between being listened to and really being heard. When you are being heard, what you have to say is truly being valued. Do you want to feel more valued and respected? (Ps. You’ll respect and value yourself more - first and foremost).
• Eloquence will significantly contribute to your overall appeal as a woman, your femininity will be deeply enhanced and your sense of personal power will be increased.
• Being eloquent creates opportunities. Eloquent women are influential women as mentioned in the descriptions of eloquence. If you have the power to influence others, you have the power to open yourself to new and powerful opportunities too.
• If eloquence can inspire others, imagine what it will do for you personally?
• Feminine energy is flowing and has movement. Eloquent delivery of words is fluid and flowing and so, being eloquent with your delivery of communication, will enhance your feminine energy, an unlimited source of strength and power.

Some valuable Tips that will assist you to be even more Eloquent, Influential and Feminine are;

• Read out loud to yourself (or another) and give yourself constructive feedback that encourages you to pronounce more clearly, perhaps ask a friend to give you feedback, remember reading will also help to expand your vocabulary and comprehension
• Consider voice coaching, a series of 6 sessions with the right coach can be quite affordable and make a huge difference to the quality of your communication
• Sing out loud (I do this in the car all the time). Singing is great for strengthening your vocal cords and helps with breath control. It also gives you more awareness of volume and tonality when you speak
• Hold a strong posture and breath from your belly, take slow deep breaths frequently to give you a sense of calm control and awareness and in this space you are more likely to speak consciously
• Practice repeating your vowels, out loud whilst opening your mouth full and round and also practice repeating the sound each vowel makes (as opposed to saying the letter)
• Taking extra personal development classes like Drama, Stand Up Comedy, Presentation skills & Deportment - all of these classes are for building femininity and elocution
• Find a professional who will help you bring out your own brand of personal style. Develop that personality and be strong in your convictions about who you are… your speech will follow quite naturally when you take pride in who you are

There are so many things you can do to develop exquisite elocution and certainly, awareness is the first step toward beautifully spoken language that is most influential and powerful.  Along your journey toward become your own version of a womanly Goddess, open your heart and mind to the many possibilities and tools you have to create the woman you know lives deep within, communication is vital….

Remember, there is nothing sexier than a woman who embraces her worth, who values her womanliness and shines the torch for those around her to be a beacon of light, this you can do by speaking words of wisdom, truth and above all, love…

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

How to Cultivate Goddess Grace

Grace is being fully aware of your body, its movements, its capabilities and actions at all times. It’s how you hold yourself, speak, react, honor and value who you are.  Being graceful is an ‘awareness feeling’ being executed all the time… It’s flowing and gentle, soft and fluid, feminine…

Here are many ways you can cultivate your own Gracefulness;

• Become more fully aware and accepting of your body and it’s movements at all times, stand tall, hold your head high and walk with purpose
• Remember grace is nonverbal and verbal and the words you speak can have graceful qualities, choose your words carefully with meaning and truth, grace comes from your heart
• Look often with love at your body and appreciate the beauty of your feminine vessel. Everything about your body is a gift from the gods, love it as you deserve
• Exercise and develop your core strength, eat well and rest appropriately for energy. Breath deeply and do daily stretching, a limber body is more fluid and feminine
• Know thyself… Listen to your inner voice, the one of intuition and learn to follow your own guidance, trust the woman within
• Dance often. Either take classes or dance often at home, mastering your body movements is an essential part of having grace and poise naturally
• Groom appropriately, delicately and take due care of your skin and nails by using quality chemical free cosmetics
• Wearing flowing feminine clothes and shoes that fit comfortably always makes you feel elegant and graceful. Take that feeling of flow with you no matter what you are wearing
• Surround yourself with graceful things, nature, plants, fish, waterfalls, home wares, food, bath products, friends and people…

Remember beautiful goddess, true beauty comes from within, so feeling like a womanly Goddess or siren is only a state of mind but one that can be enhanced with a little external help and practice.

Winning affections is simple but it has to start with yourself - winning your own affection and totally loving what you see, hear and feel about the woman you are… External affections will follow quite naturally once you have self love sorted, I promise.

Every woman deserves to reveal the Heavenly Graceful Goddess within… Try these few simple tips and please, gorgeous one, share your thoughts and tips with us here… I love hearing from you x

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

The Secret to Conquering a Man’s World by Cultivating your Femininity

There are times in life when it gets a little crazy, work gets super hectic, families are demanding with school commitments and sporting obligations, the house starts to slip, meals become ‘easy’ and quick options start looking more appetising and everyone wants a little bit of you…

And because you are the matriarch of your life, you give it and give it till there comes a day when you sit completely spent… exhausted, possibly ill and totally disconnected with the most important person in the world… Honey that is you.

Times are changing but the facts remain, in some ways we still live in a man’s world, how you ask, when more new businesses are being opened by women each day. How when fewer women are staying home than ever before? Surely our voice is louder than ever before, right?

In my research and years of coaching women from all walks of life, the conclusions I have come to could be the significant difference you need to hear.  Women have become more like men than ever before, in order to keep up with men, compete with them and run around like men do, women have had to compromise the very core of which they are - their femininity.

What does this really mean? Ladies, it means sometimes you have to go back to basics when you are exhausted and tired and over worked. You have to remember the very things that revitalise a woman’s energy, soul and spirit… Be a woman first and realise what our differences are and then do something about it… Read the signs you might say.

Cultivating femininity or nurturing your feminine side is really quite easy… Feminine energy is flowing and free, intuitive, creative and expressive, it has movement and emotion. It’s easily found in nature, dance, music, writing.

Feminine energy is more profoundly enhanced the deeper you travel inward… toward your soul and real emotions. So, activities like meditation, yoga, hypnotic inductions, journaling, bush walk or walking along the beach, painting, shopping, chatting with girlfriends about things that make you feel GOOD, dance expression, trusting your gut feelings and allowing yourself to FEEL…

And let’s never forget the power of a little sexual activity, some tender loving time with yourself is an immediate way to clear your head, recharge your love batteries and relieve stress… All those feel good hormones released do great things for you, so be sure to get yourself some of that honey…

All of these will recharge your batteries and get you on the road to conquering the world once again and reconnecting with the most important person in the world - You.  Honey your world needs you in one piece, so connect with you often, read the signs before you crash and take appropriate action toward rejuvenating your energy.

Might I suggest my audio program ‘Cultivating the Grrr Factor’ 60 minutes of the perfect way to chill out and enjoy some great girl time - specifically designed to bring you back to you precious… Take a quick look under Products for more information.

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

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