Live Your Life Like You Are Ageless…

Online Dating Anyone?

If you are a single girl or guy – listen up.

With long work hours, families, clubs and pubs being less desirable as you get older, how are you going about meeting new people?  It seems the days of meeting someone out and about are slowly closing in as we get older, so where do all the gorgeous over 30’s plus go these days to meet other singles? Online! It’s in epic proportions and with some great successes… Let’s take a look at how you can get started, or improve your game.

Are you considering online dating?  Want to get more out of your current dating experiences?

Do you want to know how you can date and time manage?

Online Dating Magazine estimates that more than 20 million people a month visit online dating services. But not all online dating services are alike. The majority of online dating services force a person to pay in order to respond (and sometimes even read) a communication they receive from a paying member.  But you’d be spending money if you were going out to meet people too, right? So let’s look at how you can meet some great people, spend less and enjoy every date.

Now you’ve got a plethora of sites to choose from – Plenty of Fish, RSVP, Oasis, Lava life, Adult Matchmaker, Global Love, eHarmony, Aussie Match Maker, Hook Me Up… this list is endless and continues with specific sites for more mature people, Christians, vegetarians, over 55’s  just to name a few .  Google online dating sites and ask around – you’ll be surprised at how many people are enjoying online dating.

This article is about how you can have an incredible date, every time and discover the secrets to having an awesome profile that lets you stand out and above the other few million people.

Over the course of several years I have been on many dates, some better than others, some not so good but not totally unpleasant. Some were fun and interesting and others were just plain boring but of great value still. I’ve come to decipher how to ‘cull’ and short list potentials before I accept the invitation to date – how to sort quickly, because who really has time to waste?

If you are first time online dater, there are a few things you should consider…

I’ve heard some incredible stories from male friends about the women and men they have dated online and here is a list of things you seriously want to avoid:

  • Spending the whole time talking about your ex, what went wrong and how much he/she hurt you – it’s just boring and bad form. If this is you, get a coach and work through your emotions before you start dating.
  • Being guarded and pretentious , just be your authentic self
  • Not being completely truthful about your vocation, habits, activities or lifestyle
  • Having too high expectations and go out thinking he/she is ‘the one’
  • Feeling the date was fabulous and then stalking being needy and clingy afterward, let him make the first move after the date
  • Sleeping with your date on the first night – major faux par if you want to be taken seriously
  • Getting drunk and sloppy – is this the kind of first impression you want to leave?
  • Talking just about work and not about who you really are – be open with your conversations
  • Asking about finances, how much s/he earns and what assets they have (can you believe some people actually do that?)
  • Heavy flirting or ‘prick teasing’ – take your time!
  • Start talking about sex and your favourite sexy weekend… it’s tacky and gives the wrong impression

Ok, now that is just a snap shot of what not to do, I think you get the picture…

So how do you start online dating the Top Secret Women’s way, what are the rules for gals and guys?  Follow these simple suggestions and get off to a great start:

  • Find a site that suits your budget and desires. Some sites are free and allow for free emails to be sent back and forward immediately and some you have to pay but have better quality leads – I would prefer to filter immediate contact and have preference to pick and choose who I am in contact with. Ask around and see what you would prefer – do the research.
  • Sorting quickly it’s an important factor in online dating. Manage your time and how much time you allow to search and respond.
  • Have a checklist of traits and values that are important to you and read profiles with an open mind – they are subjective and certainly what you may want to hear but not what you may get. Know your own values (what’s most important to you in life). Usually you want someone who is like you. Consider if what you want is realistic and ask yourself if you are the kind of man/woman that checklist person would be looking for? Adjust accordingly…
  • Know what you want and be aware of what you are willing to compromise – You may need to go on a few dates to get really clear, so start with an open mind. Character traits, values and beliefs are way more important than looks at the end of the day. Know what you are willing to compromise in advance to save yourself time.
  • Prepare your mindset for getting back into the world of dating. I realise it may have been a while since you last dated, perhaps you never have, so taking the leap into the dating world can be a big one. That is why it’s important to prepare yourself mentally. Heal, build confidence and ask for help if you can’t do that on your own. Sometimes your life experiences leave you with emotional scars or bruises… Ask yourself if it’s time to move forward and consider your options for doing so. It might be time to get your very own personal lifestyle coach. You can call Janelle on 1300 88 69 82
  • Avoid emailing back and forward for too long. You wouldn’t do that with someone you met in person, so why do it here. Lengthy emails can give a false sense of who you are and it’s too easy to tell it how you wish it was as opposed to how you a really are. Take a look at the communication model… only 7% is words, 38% is tonality and 55% is physiology… This means you will get to know a whole more about a person by meeting them in person. I always make a point to meet ASAP… there has to be physical chemistry and the only way to find out if you have that is to meet in person. It may be important to establish key interest factors prior (via email) and then jump to it, times a wasting.
  • Be truthful, mysterious, positive and succinct on your profile. Cut to the chase, very few people have time to read an epic saga, be original and tell people the key things that are important to you, what you love, are passionate about and what you really want. Avoid statements that are all about what you don’t want, keep it real and be invitingly positive… Only talk about what you want and who you are and be as honest as possible. Include recent pictures that are stylish and do not have pictures of you holding alcohol – not a good look ladies or the ex partner cropped out… ARGH! And do not write anything about wanting a partner who can look after you financially – they will run a mile and besides being really bad form, you really should be seeking your independence so you can be in a complimentary relationship!
  • Never publish your phone numbers or personal contact information.

Take a look at these two examples and you decide which one sounds the best:

  • Username: lonelyaussie09
  • Tagline: Lonely person looking for life-long love
  • Profile: I’m recently divorced and hate being alone. Everyone says to try online dating, so here I am… ARGH!!!

  • Username: funliving1 adventurous40 motivated01
  • Tagline: fun loving go getter is ready to rock n roll and share adventures, so how you doing?
  • Profile: I appreciate the many adventures life has to offer and am looking for a fun and like minded person to make fond memories with… I am…

It’s easy to see out of the two samples who are going to be more fun, more interesting and level headed, right?

  • Be realistic about your expectations. Your profile is a snap shot of your personality, quirkiness, sense of humour, likes and desires, there is so much that can’t be written or adequately explained on a computer… so go easy on your date – even if you don’t want to date them again, you will have a great time by accepting them, being caring and listen… You may be surprised at what you find… J
  • Scan other Profiles of the same sex to see what others are writing and consider how you can be original and stand out. There is a lot to learn about what not to write and how you can stand out. Research.
  • Know what you want to achieve from dating.
  • Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time and not just online…
  • Register for REAL & RAW e MAG on and you will receive your free copy of the exclusive report EVERY GALS GUIDE TO LOOKING LIKE A GODDESS for FREE (valued at $19) – It’s loaded with tips and how to’s for looking gorgeous.
  • Stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym or outside. Taking care of yourself starts here.

So now you have done the ground work it’s time to go on a date

The first one is always the hardest and I wish I knew then, what I know now.  My first ever online date was with a lovely man but he was about a foot shorter than me and smoked… Read profiles carefully… Needless to say, I spent 5 hours talking with him and had a wonderful time. Did I want to date him again? No. But I did become friends with him… So stay open minded – you could meet some fabulous new friends.

Tips for having a great date:

  • Meet in a public place with lots of people around on mutual ground where you both meet half way- Not only is this a safety issue but it gives you something to talk about… people watching, atmosphere etc
  • It’s always best to meet for a coffee only on the first date. Coffee allows for you to linger to lunch or dinner if you wish to spend more time together and gives you an out if it’s not going so well. Dinner could be a long and painful experience with someone who has misrepresented themselves.
  • Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more. Remember men love the hunt, keep the magic alive but do not play games. Be real and raw. A little elusiveness as a woman goes a long way.
  • Actively listen to your date and reciprocate even, effective communication. Active listening is listening with intent to learn about the other person. Remember the one asking all the questions is the one in control, so ask questions and remember to answer them too. Be open to asking quality questions that reveal the true nature of your date but remember what you ask, you may have to also answer.
  • Be open-minded and trust your intuition. First impressions say a lot about a person but do not be too quick to judge… Remember this is supposed to be fun and most people feel the same as you and have only positive intentions.
  • What you think you attract. So, if you are having bad experiences all the time, consider what you are putting ‘out there’. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror – at yourself, to see what is going on around you. Take responsibility for what you can do to change the situation. Know why you are dating. If you are lonely, then be sure to not ooze that vibe on your date, it can be scary and you will attract the same – is that what you want? Confidence, assertiveness and real is best – Want help getting it, call us for coaching 1300 88 68 82
  • HAVE FUN – it’s only life after all.

This is just a snap shot of where to start. Dating is just that, a snap shot. It’s not a relationship.  It’s a starting point and can be a lot of fun, especially when you do not put too much expectation on the result. Friends first, then let’s see what happens. The right relationship will happen when it’s right for both parties.  This is a guide only, so use it wisely and make up your own mind as to what is right for you.

If you would like assistance getting into the right mindset and learn more about how to mentally prepare yourself for dating again, then let’s talk.  You can call Top Secret Women’s Business on 1300 88 69 82 regarding your coaching enquiries.

Coaching is for men and women.

Remember the most important thing….. Have fun and keep it real baby!

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    1. denise maw /

      Hi my question is why men over 50 look and behave so old

    2. Great article Janelle. Thanks for sharing. I never thought I’d end up with an older man (I’m 43 and he’s 53) but I’m so glad I let go of my prejudices – a plus 50 guy knows how to treat a gal and definately appreciates me. Perhaps I was just ready to be adored.
      I met him online and we chatted on skype for 3 months before actually meeting. A great way to get to know someone.
      My biggest tip for your profile – is be frank and authentic about who you are and what you really want. It might scare off some people but then you don’t want them in your life anyway.
      I agree Janelle, know who you are and what you want in a relationship and then believe that you can have it. HAVE FUN!

      • HI Janelle,

        Belated Happy Birthday to you!

        I wanted to thank you for reffering our dating site within your segment here. We have been working towards generating the most genuine and quality driven dating site possible for all of our members, especially for single mum’s, being that we were single mothers for a long period of time and understand that the online dating game can be a challenge unless you are well informed. Love to keep in contact from a business perspective and if you would like to explore affiliating with us please let me know. We are active in the speaking circle as well as running dating and relationship seminars and workshops regularly. We work in professional & cooperative loving energy and enjoy supporting all beings of like minds.

        Much Globallove to you!


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