Femme Matrix ‘Feminising’ Program Launch

Ready to Kick Start a new YOU? AND take yourself to the next level of success and happiness? Imagine making great, greater?  Imagine focussing on just you, first… I know as a successful woman, it can sometimes be difficult to keep momentum and life balance, Right?  With our FEMME MATRIX ‘FEMINISING’ PROGRAM you will quickly get back to the basics of your womanliness and flourish once again in all areas of your life - Better Health, More Success, Empowering Habits, Personal Growth, a More fulfilling life… AND you can do it less than 2 hours per week…. Ready to start your 12 week motivation makeover?  Femme Matrix ‘FEMINISING’ Program is being launched very soon.

The Collision Course Called Love!

When love strikes, it can hit like a freight train… In my experience, there are two types of freight trains; the kind that slowly builds up momentum and speed and keeps a steady course all the way till it reaches its final destination. Then you have the kind of freight train that stops every now and then, drops off a load, picks up new stuff but keeps on chugging long…

Trains can’t come to a full stop in an instant; they take between 1-2 kilometres to actually come to a full halt. They have to brake slowly, gently easing into a stop and with so much weight behind them; inertia alone is enough to keep them going for some time.  Love is a lot like a freight train, two souls steaming toward each other at different speeds, hoping they reach the destination at the same time.

My Dad was a train driver so I understand the intricacies of train driving, having grown up with them and I know all too well the dangers that can lie ahead if you are not watching.  In 42 years in the railways, my dad had 2 suicides jump in front of his trains; it seems that they too knew the power a train has and that it simply can’t stop right away.  And I would bet that if those two lost souls could be asked why they jumped, it would have something to do with love or the lack of it…

Love can come in all shapes and sizes, for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Sometimes love lasts forever and other times it’s a fleeting moment in time, like in the movie “Bridges of Madison County”, one woman forgoes her lover for a life of honouring her husband and family… But she never stopped loving the travelling photographer, knowing they had loved once, was enough.

One of the wonderful things I adore about love is how it can come to you in so many ways, I’m sure you’ve heard a friend tell you ‘how she met her new boyfriend’?  Sometimes it happen when you least expect it, it can just creep up on you and all you have to do is say YES!

For some, saying yes is a big challenge; it means surrendering and feeling vulnerable. It means giving something up or it provokes memories of a time when love did not last, and that brings about hurt and pain. The force of love can take you to the depths of your deepest fears, directly into a collision course with your consciousness and with your newly found loved one (should he arrive at such a time).

What love delivers when you recover from the crash is nothing short of a miracle… Pure heartfelt yearning, openness and a vulnerability that is so pure, it is power and strength unto itself… Pure love is never fully satiated, it yearns always for more depth, more understanding, deeper levels of connection and passion but finds happiness in every moment.

In order for you to feel such love there are a few things that need to happen - whether you have a current partner or not;

1)      Do the necessary work on yourself to clear bad memories that no longer lift you. This could mean getting a coach or seeing a counsellor, working your way to the other side of a painful situation. REalise by changing how you feel and see the world, you can change it.

2)      Most of us have heard of the laws of attraction, so start using it… What you think you create, so start thinking about who you want to bring into your life and perhaps write down what is really important to you

3)      Take good care of yourself, nurture, be gentle, tap right into your feminine energy if you are a woman. For the guys truly sink into the feeling of being a male who is compassionate, caring, patient and most importantly - open to receiving love…

4)      Be the kind of lover, woman or man, you want to attract. If he or she has similar values and beliefs, it’s should be easy… It’s simple enough to say what you want, but are you the ideal match for the person you want? Do you have work to do?

5)      Realise that your potential new love partner is also on a journey and he’s heading your way, just waiting for the right time to collide with you in a synchronistic moment… Because that is what love does, when you least expect it.

Love really is the colliding of two souls ripe for the collision… Now the collision should not have any casualties, in fact, if you are open and honest enough about whom you are and what you want, then it may never have to end. Loves bliss is likely to last a life time with two open, willing to grow together souls.

Love will always meet you where you are at… If you are used to failing in love and are not willing to be a different person next time around, then it’s a likelihood you will get more of the same.

Why do you think women go from one abusive relationship to another? Because they have not done the work within themselves to change what they think they deserve, therefore attracting more of the same. If you want a different outcome, it’s essential to go about the task in a different way… And ask for help if you don’t know how to change.

My coaching programs with women do exactly that, help women to change and ultimately, see themselves as deserving and worthy of the greatest things in life, especially love. When a woman finds strength and reason to celebrate being herself, then the likelihood of colliding with love that lasts is more likely.

When you truly love and cherish yourself, then the channels of love are open and flow freely…

If true love is passing you by, then look in the mirror and be honest about what you see because love starts with one single person and that person is you - loving you!

If you are interested in a course in love and changing your ways, please contact me for a consultation to see if I am the one to help.  I do initial phone interviews with all my clients before we agree to proceed. Email: admin@topsecretwomensbusiness.com and leave you number for me to call you anywhere in the world.

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

Are you a Serial Casual Sex Fan?

It’s an age old question, probably more frequently asked now with the last few generations with women coming out of the kitchen and breaking free of the conformity that comes with a traditional female role…

When is the right time to decide to have sex with a man and know without a doubt, he respects you enough to call you the next day?

So you’re dating, just met a contender and that complex question raises its head…. Intimacy is meant to be easy, right?

Traditionally we would make him wait (sometimes even till we marry) and make him work for it, wait till he deserves your body and the opportunity to be intimate with you… These days women have the right to do as they please, as men have for centuries and lots of women do what they want without weighing up the consequences.  But if you are waiting for him to call the next day after taking him home, you might want to brace yourself.

I’ve done lots of research on this subject (and it’s not always been fun). I’ve also experienced heart ache trying to figure out why he didn’t call me.  We had been getting along brilliantly, we had chemistry, connection and now after the deed is done, no call! Why? As archaic as it seems, men still love the chase and they are particularly attracted to women who they can’t have - right away…

If a man is really into you, he’ll be happy to get to know you and wait for you. Remember the book, ‘He’s not that into you’? It may be time for a re-read.

So if you really like a guy and want to spend quality time with him in the future, don’t sleep with him till you have bonded in other ways. Until he has an emotional connection with you and wants all of who you are, he is most likely to not respect your decision to go all the way.  Why? Because they don’t have to! If sex is an emotionaless experience, it’s easier for them to walk away.  Most men think if you don’t value you by having sex with him straight away, then he doesn’t have to value you either.

Is this always the case? No, certainly not. There are lots of men who place value on the connection he has with a woman, regardless of how long they’ve known each other… But the truth is, they are few and far between. It’s challenging having a sacred experience with someone you’ve just met or have only been on one or two dates with, there is no real foundation from which to grow - besides the physical… And that isn’t always a good start, it’s often not enough to sustain a loving relationship.

You might think as a woman you are quite capable of having a one night stand or a casual fling without getting emotionally attached and that may be so….

But how long do you really think you can go without emotional fulfilment when you are an emotional being?

If you are a serial casual sex fan then be really honest with yourself, the truth for most women is it is a temporary, quick fix and a bandaid for a greater problem, a denial or detachment… usually from your heart. Serial sex fans pretend it doesn’t matter when the guy doesn’t call the next day, when it really does matter!  Some women deny themselves by playing an even bigger game, that of the predator… ‘I wanted him, so I went and had him, I’m in control here’… No wonder we are being called Cougars and Puma’s! the tragedy is women are lying to themself.

This predatory behaviour and attitude is a big fat lie. Sadly it’s even more tragic when it’s a lie to yourself and a deep reflection of denial and rejection of self worth. Women are not predators by nature, we are gatherers.  We have no primal instinct to hunt, so only a woman deep in her masculine energy goes out hunting…

And does a man want to stay with a woman that competes with him energetically? NO, he does not (obviously rare cases exist of the successful one night stand but that is another story)…  Men are attracted to a woman who lets him be the hunter - a man.  When a man is fully in his masculine and she is fully in her feminine, this is when the polarities of energy are most opposite and most likely to hold an attraction charge.

So, to have sex or not? Do you wait for Mr Right or enjoy Mr Right now? I always advise my clients to seek the answers within as to what is the best for you, as a woman.  Each woman is in a different space, some are single and exploring their sexual nature, while others are still exploring but have the luxury of doing that exploration with a loved one.

The keys to remember when deciding are;

• Tune into the reasons you want to have sex, are they the right reasons to share your body?
• Are you valuing yourself in this situation and does he value you as much?
• Are you getting a quick fix for what might otherwise be lonliness or fear of real connection?
• Are you totally loving you by sharing your most sacred part of you?
• Are you using your predatory skills and the facade of ‘I’m in control’ as a mask?
• Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable so you can experience real emotions or are you somewhat guarded?
• Does he have expectations that he’s going to get you naked before he puts in the ground work?

There is a distinct difference between having a sacred sexual experience with a friend and having an ‘in out, in out’ experience with a near stranger. When you are with a friend and enjoy a deeply moving tantric experience that comes from your heart, you know you are safe.  You can have an experience like that and enjoy no expectations and a very loving and memorable time and walk away feeling respected - Because you connected on a deeper level…

It’s when you as a woman, allow a near stranger to have your body (even if you think you are in charge) for next to nothing and expect a different outcome that the problems really lie…

Sharing your body may seem easier at times than sharing your heart but the long term consequences can be devastating to your self esteem and self worth.  Sex is a sacred act and if you are deciding to ‘have a little fun’, at least choose a worthy opponent. Anything less than an honourable man is giving away your most treasured possession… You!

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

Director

Top Secret Women’s Business

Online Dating Anyone?

If you are a single girl or guy - listen up.

With long work hours, families, clubs and pubs being less desirable as you get older, how are you going about meeting new people?  It seems the days of meeting someone out and about are slowly closing in as we get older, so where do all the gorgeous over 30’s plus go these days to meet other singles? Online! It’s in epic proportions and with some great successes… Let’s take a look at how you can get started, or improve your game.

Are you considering online dating?  Want to get more out of your current dating experiences?

Do you want to know how you can date and time manage?

Online Dating Magazine estimates that more than 20 million people a month visit online dating services. But not all online dating services are alike. The majority of online dating services force a person to pay in order to respond (and sometimes even read) a communication they receive from a paying member.  But you’d be spending money if you were going out to meet people too, right? So let’s look at how you can meet some great people, spend less and enjoy every date.

Now you’ve got a plethora of sites to choose from - Plenty of Fish, RSVP, Oasis, Lava life, Adult Matchmaker, Global Love, eHarmony, Aussie Match Maker, Hook Me Up… this list is endless and continues with specific sites for more mature people, Christians, vegetarians, over 55’s  just to name a few .  Google online dating sites and ask around - you’ll be surprised at how many people are enjoying online dating.

This article is about how you can have an incredible date, every time and discover the secrets to having an awesome profile that lets you stand out and above the other few million people.

Over the course of several years I have been on many dates, some better than others, some not so good but not totally unpleasant. Some were fun and interesting and others were just plain boring but of great value still. I’ve come to decipher how to ‘cull’ and short list potentials before I accept the invitation to date - how to sort quickly, because who really has time to waste?

If you are first time online dater, there are a few things you should consider…

I’ve heard some incredible stories from male friends about the women and men they have dated online and here is a list of things you seriously want to avoid:

• Spending the whole time talking about your ex, what went wrong and how much he/she hurt you - it’s just boring and bad form. If this is you, get a coach and work through your emotions before you start dating.
• Being guarded and pretentious , just be your authentic self
• Not being completely truthful about your vocation, habits, activities or lifestyle
• Having too high expectations and go out thinking he/she is ‘the one’
• Feeling the date was fabulous and then stalking being needy and clingy afterward, let him make the first move after the date
• Sleeping with your date on the first night - major faux par if you want to be taken seriously
• Getting drunk and sloppy - is this the kind of first impression you want to leave?
• Talking just about work and not about who you really are - be open with your conversations
• Asking about finances, how much s/he earns and what assets they have (can you believe some people actually do that?)
• Heavy flirting or ‘prick teasing’ - take your time!
• Start talking about sex and your favourite sexy weekend… it’s tacky and gives the wrong impression

Ok, now that is just a snap shot of what not to do, I think you get the picture…

So how do you start online dating the Top Secret Women’s way, what are the rules for gals and guys?  Follow these simple suggestions and get off to a great start:

• Find a site that suits your budget and desires. Some sites are free and allow for free emails to be sent back and forward immediately and some you have to pay but have better quality leads - I would prefer to filter immediate contact and have preference to pick and choose who I am in contact with. Ask around and see what you would prefer - do the research.
• Sorting quickly it’s an important factor in online dating. Manage your time and how much time you allow to search and respond.
• Have a checklist of traits and values that are important to you and read profiles with an open mind - they are subjective and certainly what you may want to hear but not what you may get. Know your own values (what’s most important to you in life). Usually you want someone who is like you. Consider if what you want is realistic and ask yourself if you are the kind of man/woman that checklist person would be looking for? Adjust accordingly…
• Know what you want and be aware of what you are willing to compromise - You may need to go on a few dates to get really clear, so start with an open mind. Character traits, values and beliefs are way more important than looks at the end of the day. Know what you are willing to compromise in advance to save yourself time.
• Prepare your mindset for getting back into the world of dating. I realise it may have been a while since you last dated, perhaps you never have, so taking the leap into the dating world can be a big one. That is why it’s important to prepare yourself mentally. Heal, build confidence and ask for help if you can’t do that on your own. Sometimes your life experiences leave you with emotional scars or bruises… Ask yourself if it’s time to move forward and consider your options for doing so. It might be time to get your very own personal lifestyle coach. You can call Janelle on 1300 88 69 82
• Avoid emailing back and forward for too long. You wouldn’t do that with someone you met in person, so why do it here. Lengthy emails can give a false sense of who you are and it’s too easy to tell it how you wish it was as opposed to how you a really are. Take a look at the communication model… only 7% is words, 38% is tonality and 55% is physiology… This means you will get to know a whole more about a person by meeting them in person. I always make a point to meet ASAP… there has to be physical chemistry and the only way to find out if you have that is to meet in person. It may be important to establish key interest factors prior (via email) and then jump to it, times a wasting.
• Be truthful, mysterious, positive and succinct on your profile. Cut to the chase, very few people have time to read an epic saga, be original and tell people the key things that are important to you, what you love, are passionate about and what you really want. Avoid statements that are all about what you don’t want, keep it real and be invitingly positive… Only talk about what you want and who you are and be as honest as possible. Include recent pictures that are stylish and do not have pictures of you holding alcohol - not a good look ladies or the ex partner cropped out… ARGH! And do not write anything about wanting a partner who can look after you financially - they will run a mile and besides being really bad form, you really should be seeking your independence so you can be in a complimentary relationship!
• Never publish your phone numbers or personal contact information.

Take a look at these two examples and you decide which one sounds the best:

• Username: lonelyaussie09
• Tagline: Lonely person looking for life-long love
• Profile: I’m recently divorced and hate being alone. Everyone says to try online dating, so here I am… ARGH!!!

• Username: funliving1 adventurous40 motivated01
• Tagline: fun loving go getter is ready to rock n roll and share adventures, so how you doing?
• Profile: I appreciate the many adventures life has to offer and am looking for a fun and like minded person to make fond memories with… I am…

It’s easy to see out of the two samples who are going to be more fun, more interesting and level headed, right?

• Be realistic about your expectations. Your profile is a snap shot of your personality, quirkiness, sense of humour, likes and desires, there is so much that can’t be written or adequately explained on a computer… so go easy on your date - even if you don’t want to date them again, you will have a great time by accepting them, being caring and listen… You may be surprised at what you find… J
• Scan other Profiles of the same sex to see what others are writing and consider how you can be original and stand out. There is a lot to learn about what not to write and how you can stand out. Research.
• Know what you want to achieve from dating.
• Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time and not just online…
• Register for REAL & RAW e MAG on http://topsecretwomensbusiness.com and you will receive your free copy of the exclusive report EVERY GALS GUIDE TO LOOKING LIKE A GODDESS for FREE (valued at $19) - It’s loaded with tips and how to’s for looking gorgeous.
• Stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym or outside. Taking care of yourself starts here.

So now you have done the ground work it’s time to go on a date

The first one is always the hardest and I wish I knew then, what I know now.  My first ever online date was with a lovely man but he was about a foot shorter than me and smoked… Read profiles carefully… Needless to say, I spent 5 hours talking with him and had a wonderful time. Did I want to date him again? No. But I did become friends with him… So stay open minded - you could meet some fabulous new friends.

Tips for having a great date:

• Meet in a public place with lots of people around on mutual ground where you both meet half way- Not only is this a safety issue but it gives you something to talk about… people watching, atmosphere etc
• It’s always best to meet for a coffee only on the first date. Coffee allows for you to linger to lunch or dinner if you wish to spend more time together and gives you an out if it’s not going so well. Dinner could be a long and painful experience with someone who has misrepresented themselves.
• Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more. Remember men love the hunt, keep the magic alive but do not play games. Be real and raw. A little elusiveness as a woman goes a long way.
• Actively listen to your date and reciprocate even, effective communication. Active listening is listening with intent to learn about the other person. Remember the one asking all the questions is the one in control, so ask questions and remember to answer them too. Be open to asking quality questions that reveal the true nature of your date but remember what you ask, you may have to also answer.
• Be open-minded and trust your intuition. First impressions say a lot about a person but do not be too quick to judge… Remember this is supposed to be fun and most people feel the same as you and have only positive intentions.
• What you think you attract. So, if you are having bad experiences all the time, consider what you are putting ‘out there’. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror - at yourself, to see what is going on around you. Take responsibility for what you can do to change the situation. Know why you are dating. If you are lonely, then be sure to not ooze that vibe on your date, it can be scary and you will attract the same - is that what you want? Confidence, assertiveness and real is best - Want help getting it, call us for coaching 1300 88 68 82
• HAVE FUN - it’s only life after all.

This is just a snap shot of where to start. Dating is just that, a snap shot. It’s not a relationship.  It’s a starting point and can be a lot of fun, especially when you do not put too much expectation on the result. Friends first, then let’s see what happens. The right relationship will happen when it’s right for both parties.  This is a guide only, so use it wisely and make up your own mind as to what is right for you.

If you would like assistance getting into the right mindset and learn more about how to mentally prepare yourself for dating again, then let’s talk.  You can call Top Secret Women’s Business on 1300 88 69 82 regarding your coaching enquiries.

Coaching is for men and women.

Remember the most important thing….. Have fun and keep it real baby!

The Ravenous Cougar

She is in her late 30’s and could even be approaching her 50’s and beyond.  She is assertive, well travelled, experienced in dealing with her evolving emotions and comfortable with her beloved body.  The modern ‘Cougar’ woman is seeking more, she is energetic, full of zest for life, craves vibrance and vulnerable connection that comes with unjaded innocence. She has had a colourful life to date, and is sure about what she wants.

The Cougar’s inhibitions have disappeared and she goes after what she wants.  She does not play games but simply asks for more of what she needs.  The Cougar knows who she is, has reached a paradigm in life that brings value to others, she is sexually experienced and has a ravenous need to have her body explored, devoured and enjoyed, and lives the laws of reciprocity… She knows herself too well and has a deep, yearning desire to share herself with a mate that will cherish her as much as she cherishes herself.  She is courageous yet soft and feminine, she moves with volition and with intention….  Her body is like that of a Goddess, soft, warm, mature, lived in and danced in… She owns her temple and knows how to use it. She will milk you if you let her…

She will milk you if you let her…

She will nurture you, if you let her. She will engulf you, if you let her.  She will get under your skin and lead the way, if you let her.  She will teach you things you never thought possible and take you to places you have only ever dreamed of, if you let her.  She will ‘up the anti’, raise the standard, deepen your resolve, if you let her….  She will take you on a journey toward enlightenment,  connect you with your mind, body and soul, if you let her…. She will ride you like a wild insatiable animal and kiss you like never before, if you let her.  She will show you passion, if you let her… And she will curl up and cry in your arms, if you let her….

Once upon a time I thought that this was a futile relationship, that of a young man and a more mature woman was a dead end and wrong…  Now I know, from personal experience,  that a cougar experience could be the most profound connection, most eye opening experience you both may ever enjoy.  If we as humans, chose to really live in this moment, right here and now, we would realise that any encounter, any connection is worthy of noticing - for a reason, season or a lifetime…

An opportunity is just that, an opportunity to learn even more about ourselves, another and share a unique bond…  There is more than one way to enjoy a relationship and in our changing world where the only boundaries are the ones we impose, why would you say no to such perfection?  A connection is a connection, an experience is just an experience - until we add meaning to it (be it our own or society’s).  I chose to live in the ‘hope of the wish fulfilled’ and if I ask the universe to bring me love and it comes in a youthful, spirited, spunky package, I will have the grace to simply say thank you!

Here’s to being a Cougar and ‘owning’ yet another facet of being a miraculous and magical ‘woman’!

Go Cougars…  Grrr!