January Bliss Tip

It’s the first week of another year, a great time to indulge in some loving connection and fun while we’re all kicking back and relaxing with loved ones. Whether you are in a cold climate or warm climate right now, it is time to enjoy the loving touch of a warm set of hands caressing your body, soft lips nibbling you, hard body enjoying you….  Connection with a lover is not only good for your body (losing calories, releasing tension and stress) but your mind also gets a fresh rush of feel good endorphins. I urge you to open your mind to your ‘Adventurous’ side and try something new and exciting in loveland….

How awesome will this year be if, on top of your career and success goals, you added some sexy loving goals too?  A healthy dose of sensuality and sexuality can have a direct benefit on your self esteem and confidence, how much more could you use right now?   With a partner or alone, everybody deserves sexy loving fun, so if you are single, this months Bliss Tip is for you too… Get the picture?

Online Dating Anyone?

If you are a single girl or guy - listen up.

With long work hours, families, clubs and pubs being less desirable as you get older, how are you going about meeting new people?  It seems the days of meeting someone out and about are slowly closing in as we get older, so where do all the gorgeous over 30’s plus go these days to meet other singles? Online! It’s in epic proportions and with some great successes… Let’s take a look at how you can get started, or improve your game.

Are you considering online dating?  Want to get more out of your current dating experiences?

Do you want to know how you can date and time manage?

Online Dating Magazine estimates that more than 20 million people a month visit online dating services. But not all online dating services are alike. The majority of online dating services force a person to pay in order to respond (and sometimes even read) a communication they receive from a paying member.  But you’d be spending money if you were going out to meet people too, right? So let’s look at how you can meet some great people, spend less and enjoy every date.

Now you’ve got a plethora of sites to choose from - Plenty of Fish, RSVP, Oasis, Lava life, Adult Matchmaker, Global Love, eHarmony, Aussie Match Maker, Hook Me Up… this list is endless and continues with specific sites for more mature people, Christians, vegetarians, over 55’s  just to name a few .  Google online dating sites and ask around - you’ll be surprised at how many people are enjoying online dating.

This article is about how you can have an incredible date, every time and discover the secrets to having an awesome profile that lets you stand out and above the other few million people.

Over the course of several years I have been on many dates, some better than others, some not so good but not totally unpleasant. Some were fun and interesting and others were just plain boring but of great value still. I’ve come to decipher how to ‘cull’ and short list potentials before I accept the invitation to date - how to sort quickly, because who really has time to waste?

If you are first time online dater, there are a few things you should consider…

I’ve heard some incredible stories from male friends about the women and men they have dated online and here is a list of things you seriously want to avoid:

• Spending the whole time talking about your ex, what went wrong and how much he/she hurt you - it’s just boring and bad form. If this is you, get a coach and work through your emotions before you start dating.
• Being guarded and pretentious , just be your authentic self
• Not being completely truthful about your vocation, habits, activities or lifestyle
• Having too high expectations and go out thinking he/she is ‘the one’
• Feeling the date was fabulous and then stalking being needy and clingy afterward, let him make the first move after the date
• Sleeping with your date on the first night - major faux par if you want to be taken seriously
• Getting drunk and sloppy - is this the kind of first impression you want to leave?
• Talking just about work and not about who you really are - be open with your conversations
• Asking about finances, how much s/he earns and what assets they have (can you believe some people actually do that?)
• Heavy flirting or ‘prick teasing’ - take your time!
• Start talking about sex and your favourite sexy weekend… it’s tacky and gives the wrong impression

Ok, now that is just a snap shot of what not to do, I think you get the picture…

So how do you start online dating the Top Secret Women’s way, what are the rules for gals and guys?  Follow these simple suggestions and get off to a great start:

• Find a site that suits your budget and desires. Some sites are free and allow for free emails to be sent back and forward immediately and some you have to pay but have better quality leads - I would prefer to filter immediate contact and have preference to pick and choose who I am in contact with. Ask around and see what you would prefer - do the research.
• Sorting quickly it’s an important factor in online dating. Manage your time and how much time you allow to search and respond.
• Have a checklist of traits and values that are important to you and read profiles with an open mind - they are subjective and certainly what you may want to hear but not what you may get. Know your own values (what’s most important to you in life). Usually you want someone who is like you. Consider if what you want is realistic and ask yourself if you are the kind of man/woman that checklist person would be looking for? Adjust accordingly…
• Know what you want and be aware of what you are willing to compromise - You may need to go on a few dates to get really clear, so start with an open mind. Character traits, values and beliefs are way more important than looks at the end of the day. Know what you are willing to compromise in advance to save yourself time.
• Prepare your mindset for getting back into the world of dating. I realise it may have been a while since you last dated, perhaps you never have, so taking the leap into the dating world can be a big one. That is why it’s important to prepare yourself mentally. Heal, build confidence and ask for help if you can’t do that on your own. Sometimes your life experiences leave you with emotional scars or bruises… Ask yourself if it’s time to move forward and consider your options for doing so. It might be time to get your very own personal lifestyle coach. You can call Janelle on 1300 88 69 82
• Avoid emailing back and forward for too long. You wouldn’t do that with someone you met in person, so why do it here. Lengthy emails can give a false sense of who you are and it’s too easy to tell it how you wish it was as opposed to how you a really are. Take a look at the communication model… only 7% is words, 38% is tonality and 55% is physiology… This means you will get to know a whole more about a person by meeting them in person. I always make a point to meet ASAP… there has to be physical chemistry and the only way to find out if you have that is to meet in person. It may be important to establish key interest factors prior (via email) and then jump to it, times a wasting.
• Be truthful, mysterious, positive and succinct on your profile. Cut to the chase, very few people have time to read an epic saga, be original and tell people the key things that are important to you, what you love, are passionate about and what you really want. Avoid statements that are all about what you don’t want, keep it real and be invitingly positive… Only talk about what you want and who you are and be as honest as possible. Include recent pictures that are stylish and do not have pictures of you holding alcohol - not a good look ladies or the ex partner cropped out… ARGH! And do not write anything about wanting a partner who can look after you financially - they will run a mile and besides being really bad form, you really should be seeking your independence so you can be in a complimentary relationship!
• Never publish your phone numbers or personal contact information.

Take a look at these two examples and you decide which one sounds the best:

• Username: lonelyaussie09
• Tagline: Lonely person looking for life-long love
• Profile: I’m recently divorced and hate being alone. Everyone says to try online dating, so here I am… ARGH!!!

• Username: funliving1 adventurous40 motivated01
• Tagline: fun loving go getter is ready to rock n roll and share adventures, so how you doing?
• Profile: I appreciate the many adventures life has to offer and am looking for a fun and like minded person to make fond memories with… I am…

It’s easy to see out of the two samples who are going to be more fun, more interesting and level headed, right?

• Be realistic about your expectations. Your profile is a snap shot of your personality, quirkiness, sense of humour, likes and desires, there is so much that can’t be written or adequately explained on a computer… so go easy on your date - even if you don’t want to date them again, you will have a great time by accepting them, being caring and listen… You may be surprised at what you find… J
• Scan other Profiles of the same sex to see what others are writing and consider how you can be original and stand out. There is a lot to learn about what not to write and how you can stand out. Research.
• Know what you want to achieve from dating.
• Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time and not just online…
• Register for REAL & RAW e MAG on http://topsecretwomensbusiness.com and you will receive your free copy of the exclusive report EVERY GALS GUIDE TO LOOKING LIKE A GODDESS for FREE (valued at $19) - It’s loaded with tips and how to’s for looking gorgeous.
• Stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym or outside. Taking care of yourself starts here.

So now you have done the ground work it’s time to go on a date

The first one is always the hardest and I wish I knew then, what I know now.  My first ever online date was with a lovely man but he was about a foot shorter than me and smoked… Read profiles carefully… Needless to say, I spent 5 hours talking with him and had a wonderful time. Did I want to date him again? No. But I did become friends with him… So stay open minded - you could meet some fabulous new friends.

Tips for having a great date:

• Meet in a public place with lots of people around on mutual ground where you both meet half way- Not only is this a safety issue but it gives you something to talk about… people watching, atmosphere etc
• It’s always best to meet for a coffee only on the first date. Coffee allows for you to linger to lunch or dinner if you wish to spend more time together and gives you an out if it’s not going so well. Dinner could be a long and painful experience with someone who has misrepresented themselves.
• Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more. Remember men love the hunt, keep the magic alive but do not play games. Be real and raw. A little elusiveness as a woman goes a long way.
• Actively listen to your date and reciprocate even, effective communication. Active listening is listening with intent to learn about the other person. Remember the one asking all the questions is the one in control, so ask questions and remember to answer them too. Be open to asking quality questions that reveal the true nature of your date but remember what you ask, you may have to also answer.
• Be open-minded and trust your intuition. First impressions say a lot about a person but do not be too quick to judge… Remember this is supposed to be fun and most people feel the same as you and have only positive intentions.
• What you think you attract. So, if you are having bad experiences all the time, consider what you are putting ‘out there’. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror - at yourself, to see what is going on around you. Take responsibility for what you can do to change the situation. Know why you are dating. If you are lonely, then be sure to not ooze that vibe on your date, it can be scary and you will attract the same - is that what you want? Confidence, assertiveness and real is best - Want help getting it, call us for coaching 1300 88 68 82
• HAVE FUN - it’s only life after all.

This is just a snap shot of where to start. Dating is just that, a snap shot. It’s not a relationship.  It’s a starting point and can be a lot of fun, especially when you do not put too much expectation on the result. Friends first, then let’s see what happens. The right relationship will happen when it’s right for both parties.  This is a guide only, so use it wisely and make up your own mind as to what is right for you.

If you would like assistance getting into the right mindset and learn more about how to mentally prepare yourself for dating again, then let’s talk.  You can call Top Secret Women’s Business on 1300 88 69 82 regarding your coaching enquiries.

Coaching is for men and women.

Remember the most important thing….. Have fun and keep it real baby!

Feeling Fabulous at 40… Why wait?

Gorgeous Ladies (and to my growing list of gentleman readers),

Recently, I had a photgraphic session by the very talented Dylan Hodgson (check him out on my facebook) for the purpose of PR, a fun experience I would recommend to everyone.  However, that is not what I am going to write about today…. What I noticed in going through the disc of fabulous photos is how much I had grown.  There was one picture in particular that stopped me in my tracks, it was a full length photo that captured the very essence of who I am, a real woman.  I thought to myself, wow, I look like a grown up…!  I’d never really seen myself in that light prior to this moment. I feel so young at heart in my mind that seeing my nearly 40 self was a revelation, a fabulous one because I love what I saw. Yes I had a pretty pink shirt on and my hair and makeup was awesome, but what I really captured was the essence of me. While I feel like I own who I am, real and raw, I actually connected and saw that woman in the photo!

I couldn’t help but think of how many times in the past I had put myself down for not being skinny enough, or tall enough, my breasts weren’t big enough, or my teeth straight enough, or I wasn’t smart enough… I have, in the past, spent a lot of time wishing I had something more than what I was blessed with.  I lived in the wish fulfilled of something more. The amount of time I have wasted as a young adult woman not accepting,  not loving, critising and not utilising what I have is profound. I can only, now, imagine what my young adult years would have been like if I lived in the moment feeling confident and grateful as I do now.

With the media hammering us daily with modified pictures of perfect ’skinny’ women, articles on how to lose post baby weight in 2 weeks, diet, diet, diet, film clips that have girating goddesses thrusting themselves against the camera, etc… No wonder we are lead to believe we are not perfect just the way we are… I wish I could go back in time and feel the way I do now… I would have so much more time on my hands, I would feel much happier, I would have had an insatiable lust for life, more confidence, make better decisions, be an uninhibited lover and much more successful….

Now being I can’t go back in time and now is all I can change,  when I look in the mirror I see beauty, lumps, bumps and all…. I accept my curvaceous body, my womanly shape. I see a woman who has mothered two children, is open minded and loving and is perfect with her ‘imperfections’.  I can’t help but wonder how much time we all waste thinking and feeling we wish we had something more than we do - and I am not just relating to our bodies! 

Have YOU ever wished for a different vessel to carry around your soul?  Have you ever wished your butt was smaller, legs longer, nose straighter?  What would be different in your life, if you accepted your gorgeous body and just got on with living, here and now? Take a look around, every ‘body’ is different, most women have curves (that is the way we are supposed to look), we are made in all shapes and sizes, that is what makes us all unique and special… it’s what you do with it that makes the biggest difference. And even more importantly, it is who you are as a person and what you do in your life that is the ultimate prize. They say, beauty comes from within, and they are not kidding…

I have to say as I approach 40 this year, I have never felt better! I have passed many tests, learnt many lessons, weathered much time and experiences and grown enormously, especially in the past few years… In some ways, I feel I have grown into my body, I’ve never been so ‘in love’ with this machine that carries ‘me’ around. I am grateful, blessed.  I find a way to feel and experience gratitude everyday for what I am blessed with and in turn, feel happier, lighter and more productive.

My questions to you are… How much time are you wasting wishing you had ’something’ different?  Are you actively looking after your body temple or spending your time self bashing, wishing you were better, skinner, bigger, smarter? What would it take for you to love who you are, truly indulge in a loving relationship with yourself? What difference would it make to your day, life, if you said each morning how gorgeous, healthy, smart, sexy you are (instead of  God, I wish I had…”). 

There is no time like the present (especially as that is the only time that truly exists) to start doing something different, more loving, for yourself. Why wait to you are 40 to start loving all of you?  My journey has been a long one because it took me to my mid thirties to realise how important it was to love me, prioritise me, care for me and cultivate me…. Only then can I give more to others - like my children. And the journey starts from within…. 

You can start now! 

The more you love yourself from the inside and ‘own who you are’ as a spirited divine being, the less important it is if you have a few bumps or not.  The deeper you go down the rabbit hole in finding out who you are and what makes you tick, the more accepting you are of your external world and the more it changes to a positive view and the more inclined you are of taking care of your body.  The more you journey to the centre of your universe, the more beautiful everything in the world becomes - including your body! Loving your body and owning who you are is an inward journey, and the sooner you start, the easier it will be to prioritise taking care of, nurturing and loving all of you.  What are you waiting for? 

If you are unsure how to start your inward journey to loving your external body, then call me, I can coach you to a perfect place of acceptance where you will delight in being yourself - REAL & RAW! My coaching assist you in overcoming limiting beliefs, experiences and negativity that stop you getting more out of life.  You can change your present experiences in life by taking action. 

For those who want to take action, right now, I am offereing a FREE  “SOLUTION SESSION’ - a 30 minute phone coaching session that focusses on one challenge you are currently facing and in 30 minutes, you will leave the call with a solution - I guarantee it! You have nothing to loose, make the call to start changing your life now.

1300 88 68 82

With love and gratitude.

Yours Real and Raw,

Janelle Manton

I’m in love with your Ghost

God bless the Indigo Girls for the lyrics of their song ‘Ghost’ as it provides a doorway for me to feel the presence of my grief and love for my father.  The 25^th of June this year is a very special day, as it marks the 10 year anniversary of my father’s death.  He was taken from us by the mysterious dark cloud of Cancer. I watched it carry him away bit by painful bit. In the past ten years I have developed my own understanding of grief and how it evolves and have also grown to be in love with my father’s ghost!

He left me with the most powerful gift of love and faith…..

I was living in the States when I had to make the call to come home to be with him in his last moments.  Two days prior to my instant decision that it was time to go, I found out I was pregnant, it was the same day I purchased my ticket to fly to Sydney.  He was in hospital when I got to Newcastle, i hardly recognised this wilting man but my god, it was good to see him.  Two weeks later at his request he came home, hospital bed and all. Paliative care nurses visited him daily administering him pain medication, bathing him and offering support while he shrank and we waited. It was the longest 3 weeks of my life, waiting for him to die and sometimes even wishing he would hurry up and just let go.

I had my 2 year old daughter and my husband with me, caring for Madison, waiting, being extremely tired from my pregnancy, waiting, the constant discussions about how he as ‘going’ was taxing on this pregnant and emotional woman and one day I made the call to spend a night in Sydney to get some much needed respite. I left to spend the night with my best and most beloved friend, Louise, knowing that I may never again see him alive and somehow knowing that is what he was waiting for.  Even back then, I understood enough about my intuition to trust that leaving him was the right thing to do.  My husband asked me several times if I was sure I wanted to leave and I assured him it was what we both needed to do.

The last conversation I ever had with my father came from a place i didn’t know existed, the words I shared with him were as profound as I had ever spoken, he had slipped into a coma by this stage… It went something like this… “Dad if you can hear me squeeze your eyes”, he squeezed his eyes tight. “Dad I know it’s time for you to let go, I know you love me and you must always know, that I love you, it’s important for you to decide where you are going to go from here Dad, as it is your faith in life ever after that will determine where you end up. Go with faith and knowing that you did your best and be at peace with your life here. You have given me so many gifts in this lifetime, the gift of being my father,  I love you, do not be afraid, trust and be at peace….”  and so on…. I felt satisfied I had shared with  him my last thoughts and there was nothing more I could say to let him go peacefully…

That night about 11.30pm the phone rang, it was my step mother saying he had gone and could I please call me brothers to tell them.  I was not surprised but humbled and shared the news with my brothers and my mother and peacefully, relieved,  went back to sleep.  We drove back to his home the next day and found out he had taken his last breath and simply let go, he drifted off to his heaven…

Many confusing emotions consumed me but reading his eulogy in front of at least 200 people, I knew he was with me, hovering by my right shoulder, giving me strength to continue, loving me, I could feel his pride…  I will never deliver a message with such confidence and clarity again.

After many sleepless nights, uncontrollable sobbing calls to my mother in Australia in the middle of the night, consumed with grief, anti-depressants and the feeling of aloneness I have never since felt, I wondered if I will ever cope with him dying.  Now ten years on, i know this to be true: Grief never goes away but I get more used to the feeling of it living with me. Someone you love who dies, never really leaves because they live in your heart and whenever you think about them the feeling is remembered, relived.  If I sit and think of my love for him, it consumes me and I feel it’s enormous strength well up in me.  I can duplicate the intensity of such love whenever I need him around me and whenever I want to feel loved.  Today was one of those days and I feel blessed to still have him so close, ironically, closer than ever before.

My father left me with the most powerful gift, the gift of FAITH - Faith in myself, faith in life after death, faith in love and faith in my intuition.  I know there are times when I need guidance and all i have to do is close my eyes, ask the questions I want answered and the answers come. Sometimes I imagine it is dad answering me, it feels right to have him close again, whispering in my ear and other times it’s just me, in any case, it feels good and the answers are always right.

I share this with you because I wonder where in your life do you need to have a little more faith?  I share this because I wonder if you too are grieving, if you can allow yourself to get more ‘used to the feeling’ as opposed to wishing it away. I share this with you because I wonder how much you are relying on your intuition to give you the answers to life’s many questions. I share this with you because today I wish to honour my father for being perfect in his imperfections, he has given me the lesson of ‘allowing’ and that of unconditional love…..

Yours Real and Raw,

Janelle Manton

Daughter of Barry Michael Patrick Manton

21st May 1940 -25th June 1999