The Collision Course Called Love!

When love strikes, it can hit like a freight train… In my experience, there are two types of freight trains; the kind that slowly builds up momentum and speed and keeps a steady course all the way till it reaches its final destination. Then you have the kind of freight train that stops every now and then, drops off a load, picks up new stuff but keeps on chugging long…

Trains can’t come to a full stop in an instant; they take between 1-2 kilometres to actually come to a full halt. They have to brake slowly, gently easing into a stop and with so much weight behind them; inertia alone is enough to keep them going for some time.  Love is a lot like a freight train, two souls steaming toward each other at different speeds, hoping they reach the destination at the same time.

My Dad was a train driver so I understand the intricacies of train driving, having grown up with them and I know all too well the dangers that can lie ahead if you are not watching.  In 42 years in the railways, my dad had 2 suicides jump in front of his trains; it seems that they too knew the power a train has and that it simply can’t stop right away.  And I would bet that if those two lost souls could be asked why they jumped, it would have something to do with love or the lack of it…

Love can come in all shapes and sizes, for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Sometimes love lasts forever and other times it’s a fleeting moment in time, like in the movie “Bridges of Madison County”, one woman forgoes her lover for a life of honouring her husband and family… But she never stopped loving the travelling photographer, knowing they had loved once, was enough.

One of the wonderful things I adore about love is how it can come to you in so many ways, I’m sure you’ve heard a friend tell you ‘how she met her new boyfriend’?  Sometimes it happen when you least expect it, it can just creep up on you and all you have to do is say YES!

For some, saying yes is a big challenge; it means surrendering and feeling vulnerable. It means giving something up or it provokes memories of a time when love did not last, and that brings about hurt and pain. The force of love can take you to the depths of your deepest fears, directly into a collision course with your consciousness and with your newly found loved one (should he arrive at such a time).

What love delivers when you recover from the crash is nothing short of a miracle… Pure heartfelt yearning, openness and a vulnerability that is so pure, it is power and strength unto itself… Pure love is never fully satiated, it yearns always for more depth, more understanding, deeper levels of connection and passion but finds happiness in every moment.

In order for you to feel such love there are a few things that need to happen - whether you have a current partner or not;

1)      Do the necessary work on yourself to clear bad memories that no longer lift you. This could mean getting a coach or seeing a counsellor, working your way to the other side of a painful situation. REalise by changing how you feel and see the world, you can change it.

2)      Most of us have heard of the laws of attraction, so start using it… What you think you create, so start thinking about who you want to bring into your life and perhaps write down what is really important to you

3)      Take good care of yourself, nurture, be gentle, tap right into your feminine energy if you are a woman. For the guys truly sink into the feeling of being a male who is compassionate, caring, patient and most importantly - open to receiving love…

4)      Be the kind of lover, woman or man, you want to attract. If he or she has similar values and beliefs, it’s should be easy… It’s simple enough to say what you want, but are you the ideal match for the person you want? Do you have work to do?

5)      Realise that your potential new love partner is also on a journey and he’s heading your way, just waiting for the right time to collide with you in a synchronistic moment… Because that is what love does, when you least expect it.

Love really is the colliding of two souls ripe for the collision… Now the collision should not have any casualties, in fact, if you are open and honest enough about whom you are and what you want, then it may never have to end. Loves bliss is likely to last a life time with two open, willing to grow together souls.

Love will always meet you where you are at… If you are used to failing in love and are not willing to be a different person next time around, then it’s a likelihood you will get more of the same.

Why do you think women go from one abusive relationship to another? Because they have not done the work within themselves to change what they think they deserve, therefore attracting more of the same. If you want a different outcome, it’s essential to go about the task in a different way… And ask for help if you don’t know how to change.

My coaching programs with women do exactly that, help women to change and ultimately, see themselves as deserving and worthy of the greatest things in life, especially love. When a woman finds strength and reason to celebrate being herself, then the likelihood of colliding with love that lasts is more likely.

When you truly love and cherish yourself, then the channels of love are open and flow freely…

If true love is passing you by, then look in the mirror and be honest about what you see because love starts with one single person and that person is you - loving you!

If you are interested in a course in love and changing your ways, please contact me for a consultation to see if I am the one to help.  I do initial phone interviews with all my clients before we agree to proceed. Email: admin@topsecretwomensbusiness.com and leave you number for me to call you anywhere in the world.

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

Are you a Serial Casual Sex Fan?

It’s an age old question, probably more frequently asked now with the last few generations with women coming out of the kitchen and breaking free of the conformity that comes with a traditional female role…

When is the right time to decide to have sex with a man and know without a doubt, he respects you enough to call you the next day?

So you’re dating, just met a contender and that complex question raises its head…. Intimacy is meant to be easy, right?

Traditionally we would make him wait (sometimes even till we marry) and make him work for it, wait till he deserves your body and the opportunity to be intimate with you… These days women have the right to do as they please, as men have for centuries and lots of women do what they want without weighing up the consequences.  But if you are waiting for him to call the next day after taking him home, you might want to brace yourself.

I’ve done lots of research on this subject (and it’s not always been fun). I’ve also experienced heart ache trying to figure out why he didn’t call me.  We had been getting along brilliantly, we had chemistry, connection and now after the deed is done, no call! Why? As archaic as it seems, men still love the chase and they are particularly attracted to women who they can’t have - right away…

If a man is really into you, he’ll be happy to get to know you and wait for you. Remember the book, ‘He’s not that into you’? It may be time for a re-read.

So if you really like a guy and want to spend quality time with him in the future, don’t sleep with him till you have bonded in other ways. Until he has an emotional connection with you and wants all of who you are, he is most likely to not respect your decision to go all the way.  Why? Because they don’t have to! If sex is an emotionaless experience, it’s easier for them to walk away.  Most men think if you don’t value you by having sex with him straight away, then he doesn’t have to value you either.

Is this always the case? No, certainly not. There are lots of men who place value on the connection he has with a woman, regardless of how long they’ve known each other… But the truth is, they are few and far between. It’s challenging having a sacred experience with someone you’ve just met or have only been on one or two dates with, there is no real foundation from which to grow - besides the physical… And that isn’t always a good start, it’s often not enough to sustain a loving relationship.

You might think as a woman you are quite capable of having a one night stand or a casual fling without getting emotionally attached and that may be so….

But how long do you really think you can go without emotional fulfilment when you are an emotional being?

If you are a serial casual sex fan then be really honest with yourself, the truth for most women is it is a temporary, quick fix and a bandaid for a greater problem, a denial or detachment… usually from your heart. Serial sex fans pretend it doesn’t matter when the guy doesn’t call the next day, when it really does matter!  Some women deny themselves by playing an even bigger game, that of the predator… ‘I wanted him, so I went and had him, I’m in control here’… No wonder we are being called Cougars and Puma’s! the tragedy is women are lying to themself.

This predatory behaviour and attitude is a big fat lie. Sadly it’s even more tragic when it’s a lie to yourself and a deep reflection of denial and rejection of self worth. Women are not predators by nature, we are gatherers.  We have no primal instinct to hunt, so only a woman deep in her masculine energy goes out hunting…

And does a man want to stay with a woman that competes with him energetically? NO, he does not (obviously rare cases exist of the successful one night stand but that is another story)…  Men are attracted to a woman who lets him be the hunter - a man.  When a man is fully in his masculine and she is fully in her feminine, this is when the polarities of energy are most opposite and most likely to hold an attraction charge.

So, to have sex or not? Do you wait for Mr Right or enjoy Mr Right now? I always advise my clients to seek the answers within as to what is the best for you, as a woman.  Each woman is in a different space, some are single and exploring their sexual nature, while others are still exploring but have the luxury of doing that exploration with a loved one.

The keys to remember when deciding are;

• Tune into the reasons you want to have sex, are they the right reasons to share your body?
• Are you valuing yourself in this situation and does he value you as much?
• Are you getting a quick fix for what might otherwise be lonliness or fear of real connection?
• Are you totally loving you by sharing your most sacred part of you?
• Are you using your predatory skills and the facade of ‘I’m in control’ as a mask?
• Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable so you can experience real emotions or are you somewhat guarded?
• Does he have expectations that he’s going to get you naked before he puts in the ground work?

There is a distinct difference between having a sacred sexual experience with a friend and having an ‘in out, in out’ experience with a near stranger. When you are with a friend and enjoy a deeply moving tantric experience that comes from your heart, you know you are safe.  You can have an experience like that and enjoy no expectations and a very loving and memorable time and walk away feeling respected - Because you connected on a deeper level…

It’s when you as a woman, allow a near stranger to have your body (even if you think you are in charge) for next to nothing and expect a different outcome that the problems really lie…

Sharing your body may seem easier at times than sharing your heart but the long term consequences can be devastating to your self esteem and self worth.  Sex is a sacred act and if you are deciding to ‘have a little fun’, at least choose a worthy opponent. Anything less than an honourable man is giving away your most treasured possession… You!

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

Director

Top Secret Women’s Business

January Bliss Tip

It’s the first week of another year, a great time to indulge in some loving connection and fun while we’re all kicking back and relaxing with loved ones. Whether you are in a cold climate or warm climate right now, it is time to enjoy the loving touch of a warm set of hands caressing your body, soft lips nibbling you, hard body enjoying you….  Connection with a lover is not only good for your body (losing calories, releasing tension and stress) but your mind also gets a fresh rush of feel good endorphins. I urge you to open your mind to your ‘Adventurous’ side and try something new and exciting in loveland….

How awesome will this year be if, on top of your career and success goals, you added some sexy loving goals too?  A healthy dose of sensuality and sexuality can have a direct benefit on your self esteem and confidence, how much more could you use right now?   With a partner or alone, everybody deserves sexy loving fun, so if you are single, this months Bliss Tip is for you too… Get the picture?

SEXUAL MAGIC…. The Power of healing and reclaiming your self confidence by cultivating your sexual magic!

Dear Top Secret Women and gorgeous new friends,

I write this article with the most loving warmth and authenticity that one can give, as it is very close to my heart and what Top Secret Women’s Business (TSWB) is really all about. I urge you to open your mind and your body to receiving this beautiful gift and may you enjoy the tremendous benefits for many, many moons…..

In all my travels, study, research, growth and personal experiences the one thing I know for sure is this: No one can love me more than myself, no one can fulfil my desires more than me, no one else can make me happy like I can, no one can know my body and how it works like I know it myself, no one single person can understand and appreciate my mind like I know it and no one can satiate my wants and needs like I can.

Anything other than this ‘self-fulfilment’ is leaving my happiness and life’s fulfilment in the hands of another – at the risk of being left with unfulfilled expectations and ultimately disappointment and in some cases, a serious blow to self confidence, self esteem and self worth… Making your potential happiness the task and responsibility of another person is not being in control or empowered, it is not being in the driver’s seat and certainly not being the master operator of your life. There is nothing healing about co-dependency and I am here to say, all the answers and the contentment you seek, come from within!

So what does this have to do with sexual magic and your self-confidence? Well, I have always been a very sexual creature, from a young age, intrigued, inspired and with a libido that could put most men on edge, I have been consumed most of my life with trying to understand the powerful attraction to such explosive experiences and desires and am lead here with you… The more I studied and seeked to understand sexual connection, the more I experimented sexually, the more I understood human nature with my coaching back ground, the more I realised the link between sex and self confidence.
There is an intricate spiritual link between you and your sexual self (your sexual magic) and your ability to fully love and be your grounded, gorgeous, confident self.

Right before your very eyes you have the most powerful instrument of healing repressed emotional, old hurts and blocks - by cultivating sexual energy within you… With sexual energy you have the immediate ability to feel incredible love, happiness, joy, self worth, confidence and self esteem. You can put a bounce back in your step, have a positive outlook, you can feel energised and yet relaxed. Sexual energy is the giver of life and the life force energy that promotes an inner connection with your feelings of balance and harmony and a deep sense of spirituality, sexual magic can be healing in the right hands… It is said by Tantric studies that spiritual sexual practices are the gateway to ‘being thy self’.

Let me ask you this… How can you expect another person to love your body if you don’t? How can another person make love to you ‘completely surrendered’, if you have never surrendered to yourself? How can it be possible to fully allow another person into your soul, if you have never connected with yourself to this depth? And how on earth can you expect another person to heal or ‘complete you’ if you have not delved into this possibility yourself?

All of this is possible BY YOURSELF. Imagine a life of fulfilment and completeness by ‘self loving’ practices? Imagine by seeking magical sexual practices with yourself, how deeply moving your lovemaking with another could be? How would your life be different if you had complimentary relationships instead of co-dependent ones? And how would your intimate relationship with your partner improve if you had the kind of sexual confidence that was completely FREE - uninhibited and clear of any past conditioning?

I know from much research and asking many questions regarding sexual freedom, that most women had quite reserved (uncommunicative) relationships with their mothers – me included. Couple that with years of societal conditioning and male dominant societies and you have women in plague proportions, who lack self esteem, confidence, energy and successful relationships. I hope you know, I understand our mothers did the best they could with the resources they had at hand, but this has now got to stop, as it is affecting your future possibilities!

Maybe your mother never spoke openly about sex, menstruation or masturbation… Have you ever considered the impact the lack of sexual openness (by the one woman in the world who was to be your teacher) may have had on you functioning like a confident and successful woman?

The Hite Report on Women Loving Women by Sheri Hite has much to say on this subject as does the book Reclaiming Your Goddess Sexuality by Dr Linda Savage. Both books go to great lengths to articulate the impact and importance an openly communicative relationship with your mother had as a child. Your very intimate sexual experiences and current state of affairs as an adult, could be a reflection of how you really see yourself… Do you really see and feel yourself intimately at all? Do you practise ‘being’ you, with yourself?

Here in lies a great secret…. How far will you go to seek fulfilment in the truest sense of the word?
What I and Top Secret Women’s Business propose is that more women start getting in touch with the more ‘intimate you’, go down the rabbit hole of desire, recharge your own batteries and explore the secrets of your own self loving. Become passionate ladies - with yourself, be romantic with you, care and nurture ALL of your desires, explore your depths and be the master of self giving… it is only then that true peace, confidence, success and self love come fully to you… is only then you will ‘Be thy self’- Magical, Strong, Successful, Sexy, Confident and Fulfilled…..

‘Seek no further, yours is the kingdom of source’.

If you want to discuss this subject in more depth and learn how Top Secret Women’s Business can open your eyes to the magic of sexual confidence, then please do not hesitate to contact me directly.

Keep your eyes open because Top Secret Women’s Business has something in store for you… something VERY TOP SECRET. I look forward to loving you in the future and trust this has been a thought provoking read…. x

Yours, Real and Raw,
Janelle Manton
Director