Show me the way home, Deal Lover

Dear Lover,

How I crave you. Every day my craving grows and expands in a way I’ve never experienced before.  And my cravings are always satiated with your presence… Only to reignite when you are away from me…

I fell in love with you quickly my darling because you are so much like me, you are a reflection of me and how I feel about myself, I see myself in you. There are times when I wonder about love and if my love for you is more infatuation, an ‘in love and lust’ kind of love and then you sweep me away to yet another paradigm of understandings and depth… another world of something so unconditional I can hardly breath, my love.

Sometimes when you are away I start to doubt myself and my fear of such closeness stifles me.  What if you see all of me and who I really am? What if you don’t think I’m perfect or irresistible?  What if you change your mind about loving me?  I’m slowly unravelling in my trust and when I feel a little uneasy, you have this uncanny way of reassuring me with your open heart and open mind, you see me, dear lover, you hear me dear lover and you embrace all of me… Dear Lover, how I love you.

You allow me to open my yearning heart and yield to its cravings. The delicious ways you open me to universal love is incredibly revealing and raw, it’s who I am and who I have always desired to be but have never achieved entirely on my own…

It’s only in our intimate relations with another that we really see ourselves, this I’ve discovered with you my love - In our reflection we discover who we really are and my blessing today with you, dear lover, is how much I love and adore you, how much I admire your courage to love so openly and honestly, how willing you are to discover the depth of feeling and experience true, unconditional love can bring.

I’m eternally grateful because the very way you love me brings me closer to me, my core, my growing love for me is your true gift.  Thank you dear lover for showing me the way home - to my own heart…. Oh how I crave…

Yours Real and Raw,

Janelle Manton

Top Secret Women’s Business

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Are you a Serial Casual Sex Fan?

It’s an age old question, probably more frequently asked now with the last few generations with women coming out of the kitchen and breaking free of the conformity that comes with a traditional female role…

When is the right time to decide to have sex with a man and know without a doubt, he respects you enough to call you the next day?

So you’re dating, just met a contender and that complex question raises its head…. Intimacy is meant to be easy, right?

Traditionally we would make him wait (sometimes even till we marry) and make him work for it, wait till he deserves your body and the opportunity to be intimate with you… These days women have the right to do as they please, as men have for centuries and lots of women do what they want without weighing up the consequences.  But if you are waiting for him to call the next day after taking him home, you might want to brace yourself.

I’ve done lots of research on this subject (and it’s not always been fun). I’ve also experienced heart ache trying to figure out why he didn’t call me.  We had been getting along brilliantly, we had chemistry, connection and now after the deed is done, no call! Why? As archaic as it seems, men still love the chase and they are particularly attracted to women who they can’t have - right away…

If a man is really into you, he’ll be happy to get to know you and wait for you. Remember the book, ‘He’s not that into you’? It may be time for a re-read.

So if you really like a guy and want to spend quality time with him in the future, don’t sleep with him till you have bonded in other ways. Until he has an emotional connection with you and wants all of who you are, he is most likely to not respect your decision to go all the way.  Why? Because they don’t have to! If sex is an emotionaless experience, it’s easier for them to walk away.  Most men think if you don’t value you by having sex with him straight away, then he doesn’t have to value you either.

Is this always the case? No, certainly not. There are lots of men who place value on the connection he has with a woman, regardless of how long they’ve known each other… But the truth is, they are few and far between. It’s challenging having a sacred experience with someone you’ve just met or have only been on one or two dates with, there is no real foundation from which to grow - besides the physical… And that isn’t always a good start, it’s often not enough to sustain a loving relationship.

You might think as a woman you are quite capable of having a one night stand or a casual fling without getting emotionally attached and that may be so….

But how long do you really think you can go without emotional fulfilment when you are an emotional being?

If you are a serial casual sex fan then be really honest with yourself, the truth for most women is it is a temporary, quick fix and a bandaid for a greater problem, a denial or detachment… usually from your heart. Serial sex fans pretend it doesn’t matter when the guy doesn’t call the next day, when it really does matter!  Some women deny themselves by playing an even bigger game, that of the predator… ‘I wanted him, so I went and had him, I’m in control here’… No wonder we are being called Cougars and Puma’s! the tragedy is women are lying to themself.

This predatory behaviour and attitude is a big fat lie. Sadly it’s even more tragic when it’s a lie to yourself and a deep reflection of denial and rejection of self worth. Women are not predators by nature, we are gatherers.  We have no primal instinct to hunt, so only a woman deep in her masculine energy goes out hunting…

And does a man want to stay with a woman that competes with him energetically? NO, he does not (obviously rare cases exist of the successful one night stand but that is another story)…  Men are attracted to a woman who lets him be the hunter - a man.  When a man is fully in his masculine and she is fully in her feminine, this is when the polarities of energy are most opposite and most likely to hold an attraction charge.

So, to have sex or not? Do you wait for Mr Right or enjoy Mr Right now? I always advise my clients to seek the answers within as to what is the best for you, as a woman.  Each woman is in a different space, some are single and exploring their sexual nature, while others are still exploring but have the luxury of doing that exploration with a loved one.

The keys to remember when deciding are;

• Tune into the reasons you want to have sex, are they the right reasons to share your body?
• Are you valuing yourself in this situation and does he value you as much?
• Are you getting a quick fix for what might otherwise be lonliness or fear of real connection?
• Are you totally loving you by sharing your most sacred part of you?
• Are you using your predatory skills and the facade of ‘I’m in control’ as a mask?
• Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable so you can experience real emotions or are you somewhat guarded?
• Does he have expectations that he’s going to get you naked before he puts in the ground work?

There is a distinct difference between having a sacred sexual experience with a friend and having an ‘in out, in out’ experience with a near stranger. When you are with a friend and enjoy a deeply moving tantric experience that comes from your heart, you know you are safe.  You can have an experience like that and enjoy no expectations and a very loving and memorable time and walk away feeling respected - Because you connected on a deeper level…

It’s when you as a woman, allow a near stranger to have your body (even if you think you are in charge) for next to nothing and expect a different outcome that the problems really lie…

Sharing your body may seem easier at times than sharing your heart but the long term consequences can be devastating to your self esteem and self worth.  Sex is a sacred act and if you are deciding to ‘have a little fun’, at least choose a worthy opponent. Anything less than an honourable man is giving away your most treasured possession… You!

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

Director

Top Secret Women’s Business

The Secret to Conquering a Man’s World by Cultivating your Femininity

There are times in life when it gets a little crazy, work gets super hectic, families are demanding with school commitments and sporting obligations, the house starts to slip, meals become ‘easy’ and quick options start looking more appetising and everyone wants a little bit of you…

And because you are the matriarch of your life, you give it and give it till there comes a day when you sit completely spent… exhausted, possibly ill and totally disconnected with the most important person in the world… Honey that is you.

Times are changing but the facts remain, in some ways we still live in a man’s world, how you ask, when more new businesses are being opened by women each day. How when fewer women are staying home than ever before? Surely our voice is louder than ever before, right?

In my research and years of coaching women from all walks of life, the conclusions I have come to could be the significant difference you need to hear.  Women have become more like men than ever before, in order to keep up with men, compete with them and run around like men do, women have had to compromise the very core of which they are - their femininity.

What does this really mean? Ladies, it means sometimes you have to go back to basics when you are exhausted and tired and over worked. You have to remember the very things that revitalise a woman’s energy, soul and spirit… Be a woman first and realise what our differences are and then do something about it… Read the signs you might say.

Cultivating femininity or nurturing your feminine side is really quite easy… Feminine energy is flowing and free, intuitive, creative and expressive, it has movement and emotion. It’s easily found in nature, dance, music, writing.

Feminine energy is more profoundly enhanced the deeper you travel inward… toward your soul and real emotions. So, activities like meditation, yoga, hypnotic inductions, journaling, bush walk or walking along the beach, painting, shopping, chatting with girlfriends about things that make you feel GOOD, dance expression, trusting your gut feelings and allowing yourself to FEEL…

And let’s never forget the power of a little sexual activity, some tender loving time with yourself is an immediate way to clear your head, recharge your love batteries and relieve stress… All those feel good hormones released do great things for you, so be sure to get yourself some of that honey…

All of these will recharge your batteries and get you on the road to conquering the world once again and reconnecting with the most important person in the world - You.  Honey your world needs you in one piece, so connect with you often, read the signs before you crash and take appropriate action toward rejuvenating your energy.

Might I suggest my audio program ‘Cultivating the Grrr Factor’ 60 minutes of the perfect way to chill out and enjoy some great girl time - specifically designed to bring you back to you precious… Take a quick look under Products for more information.

Yours Real and Raw

Janelle Manton

January Bliss Tip

It’s the first week of another year, a great time to indulge in some loving connection and fun while we’re all kicking back and relaxing with loved ones. Whether you are in a cold climate or warm climate right now, it is time to enjoy the loving touch of a warm set of hands caressing your body, soft lips nibbling you, hard body enjoying you….  Connection with a lover is not only good for your body (losing calories, releasing tension and stress) but your mind also gets a fresh rush of feel good endorphins. I urge you to open your mind to your ‘Adventurous’ side and try something new and exciting in loveland….

How awesome will this year be if, on top of your career and success goals, you added some sexy loving goals too?  A healthy dose of sensuality and sexuality can have a direct benefit on your self esteem and confidence, how much more could you use right now?   With a partner or alone, everybody deserves sexy loving fun, so if you are single, this months Bliss Tip is for you too… Get the picture?

Let go of Sexual Conditioning